Real life dilemma - when friendships go wrong
What would you do in this situation:
You loan something to a friend, no terms for the return of the item are discussed. Although you see the friend a few times, you forget to ask for the item you loaned, and the friend also forgets to give it back to you. When you finally remember that your friend has the item and you ask for it back, you come up against resistance on the friend’s part to return the item, and you can’t figure out why this is the case. You ask if anything has happened to the item and are assured that the item is fine. You offer to pick the item up and that option is rejected, as are options for the friend to drop the item off, to have a third party pick the item up from the friend, or for the friend to mail it to you.
You have emailed and called numerous times, and both are generally ignored. You also notice that you have been removed from your (former?) friend’s instant messenger and another social networking tool.
What do you do? Would you keep trying to get the item back as a matter of principle, or chalk it up as a good lesson on friendships and loaning items of sentimental value out?
May 24th, 2007 at 7:58 am
That’s tricky. I was going to say that you might have to just forget about it until you mentioned it was of sentimental value. Is it possible that you can drop in at her house sometime, unexpected? I know that is rude to do, but if you really wanted it back I suppose that is an option.
This is the reason I rarely lend things out. Books are one thing for me. I have my collection, which are books I want for my own library for the rest of my life, and I do NOT lend them out. I have others that are just fluff that I don’t really care about, and those I will lend. Its hard because you kind of sound like an ass when your friends ask you for something and you give them a flat “I’m sorry, but I don’t lend that to anyone” but it is really the only way to protect yourself.
Good luck, Jooms!
May 25th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
I would say, chalk it up to lesson learned. If it were truly an object with sentimental value, you would have treated it like it had value and not forgotten to ask for it back.
Then I would obsess for months about what I had done wrong.
Just kidding. OK, well, I would, but I’m not recommending that course of action.
May 26th, 2007 at 3:51 am
Well, I tend to be a jerk.
And the fact that they don’t want to return the item makes them a bigger jerk. So, I’d show up un-announced to pick up my item.
But usually in these situations, when they ASSURE you that the item is okay, but don’t want to give it back… something has happened to it, OR they’ve lent it to someone else and they’re working on getting it back from who they lent it to, or replacing it.
I like to catch them in the act. I figure honesty is the best policy, so I’d rather hear it was broken than vague stories of it’s fine, but you can’t have it back.
May 26th, 2007 at 5:22 am
It’s a dress! A simple dress that can’t possible fit you right now anyways!
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it at the time! The forgetting was simply that forgetting at the time! Then you became this crazy obsessed woman about it! What’s my beef about you? I’m not someone’s part time friend ! The dress is now gone, so no point in showing at my door! Send me a bill and at the same time a replacement of my movie you borrowed for over a year!
May 26th, 2007 at 10:15 am
I thought you guys would be curious about the reponse I sent by email to Lee-Ann, whose comment is above:
- - - - -
Fun stuff, no?
May 26th, 2007 at 11:04 am
Wow. Lee-Ann, it does seem rather strange that you don’t feel the need to give an explanation as to how and why the dress is “gone”. And to comment that you don’t think it would fit is rather nasty and has nothing to do with the fact that the dress belongs to Jummy regardless of anything else.
Also, comparing a vhs tape, which you can’t even watch if you no longer have a vcr, to a dress is a bit absurd. The tape would have been valued at maybe $20 dollars maximum and I can’t imagine it having much sentimental value. However I’m sure the dress was worth more than that, and apparently does have sentimental value.
We do tend to get attached to certain items of clothing. I have things that are too big and things that are too small just in case I ever get a chance to wear them again in future. I know my size fluctuates.
Finally, the movie could easily be replaced if you accepted that offer, whereas the chances of replacing the dress are probably not high.
I believe that you at least owe an explanation of what happened to the dress and an apology for not being up front about it.
You obviously don’t have to care what I think, but there definitely is a lesson to be learned here.
May 27th, 2007 at 12:59 am
200 dollars for the dress, plus 500 dollars in damages for the undo stress, minus 20 dollars for the vhs video. Judgement to the plaintiff in the sum of $680 dollars.
Judge Judy would have a field day with this case.
Judge Dave Baker
May 28th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
If I understand correctly this was not YOU bugging HER to lend a dress – it was the other way around?? Once you are the receiver of the favor it should not be considered a ‘personal favor’ or ‘inconvenient’ for you to return what you borrowed!
My two cents (which, I did not borrow).
May 30th, 2007 at 8:39 am
What a sad situation, and one that could have been easily avoided.
True friendship is based on honesty and trust. Lee Ann chose to sever a friendship rather than tell the truth, which was immature and indicates she does not value either.
From what is written here, Jummy did not become “an obsessed woman” about her dress. She was simply searching for a resolution to the issue. One that Lee Ann could have provided with honesty, but instead Lee Ann lied and allowed the situation to escalate to its current ugly state.
May 30th, 2007 at 1:50 pm
What did I lie about? The dress was/is fine!
Our friendship was over before this little rant of yours took place. you’d never understand why or accept the things I said. You can make up reasons in your head and say shit but you don’t know me.
Next time you try to look like this 100% perfect self rightgeous person tell the whole story!
May 30th, 2007 at 1:51 pm
OOps. forgot to write that Chris will be dropping this 2000$ dress off at your home sometime tomorrow between 9-2pm. he will leave it at your door.
May 30th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
This is really sad. Even if you don’t want to stay friends with someone you still have to return (or pay for) the property you borrowed. If you don’t, that’s called stealing.
If you don’t want to stay friends with Jummy, that’s your choice. Just give the freakin’ dress back already.
May 30th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
How about everyone mind their business? Oh wait they can’t! Jumoke thrives on the attentions!
May 31st, 2007 at 8:30 am
Hateful stuff here. And craziness. The dress is “gone” and you don’t apologize … now the dress “is/was fine” and you don’t apologize … and now you are having someone leave it on her porch, and of course you don’t apologize.
June 1st, 2007 at 9:47 am
Thanks for your support guys. It seems my attention-seeking ways
have won out: my dress was returned yesterday. Now we can both move on with our lives and chalk it up to lessons learned.