Life Tips Daily

I recently came across a report by Statistics Canada that claims that more adult children are living with their parents longer. As a 27 year old woman who still calls her parents’ home hers too, I can certainly relate.
This interesting report identified several factors that are responsible for a child’s earlier departure from the family home. These included having a non-traditional family (and the disruption that can occur from blending families), living in a large family (which is thought to promote independence faster), being of a Western culture mindset (versus an ethnic or religioius group with a focus on the family unit), being from a small town, a higher level of education (for men) and being a woman (who tend to leave earlier than their male counterparts due to marriage or for cohabitation).

When I compare some of the conclusions to my own situation, the reasons some of the factors are true for me: I had a very stable family structure so the need to “get away” from the family was never an issue. However, although I live in a large family it was not until very recently that my parents began to encourage independence with respect to living space and now I’m just thankful that they haven’t packed my bags yet and sent me on my way with a wave and a promise to write! My parents do come from a non-Western background that puts a lot of emphasis on the family unit.

For those adult children who are living at home and who want to make sure that their parents don’t change the locks on them the next time they go out, here are a few things you can do:

• By the age of 24 or 25, discuss your plans with respect to living in the family home, and the terms of this arrangement with your parents
  There is nothing magical about the ages of 24 or 25; although by this age, students pursuing post secondary education should have completed at least one degree, and future education or employment plans should be a focus.
  
  A discussion is key because it shows enormous respect to parents when their child comes to them and expresses appreciation for the support provided (room and board in exchange for chores or what is usually a nominal rental fee is a good deal) and shares the 2, 5, or (hopefully not) 10 year plan to leave the family home. Concrete plans are best, even if all the details aren’t known (”I plan to leave home by the end of summer 2008″ versus “I’ll be home for a few more years”) as it’ll give you something to strive for. A good discussion should include an offer on the part of the child to contribute something to the family, be it the doing of regular chores, payment of a rent or other contributions. The parents may reject this outright, but they will appreciate the consideration that brought their child to ask.
• Respect the family rules

  Once you’ve taken the time to include your parents in your future departure plans, you should make sure that you are aware of what is and isn’t allowed in your parents’ house. You may find that more is expected of you with respect to what you contribute to the house, but perhaps less is expected from you with regard to reporting your whereabouts. Since you are choosing (for whatever reason) to live under their house, however annoying it may be, their rules must be allowed to prevail.

• Learn what you can while you have the safety net
  One thing you will realize once you’ve moved out and are on your own, be it as a home owner or a tenant, is that there are so many things that just “get done” that you had previously never had to think about, such as leaky faucets being fixed, the lawn being mowed, or, if you’re especially spoiled, food being cooked. While your parents are performing these activities, you can be their apprentice and learn skills to store away later fo when they are required once you’re on your own.

home, family, living, parents

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