Letting others down - how to deal
Image courtesy of Manoel Silva
It’s one thing to let yourself down, but what do you do when you let someone else down?
No matter how hard you try to please everyone, it is inevitable that somebody will feel treated by you in a way that makes them feel less than stellar. Just like when you let yourself down, you can’t allow a single incident to define you as a person. Instead, pick yourself up and do the following:
Admit you were wrong
Oh the pain of admitting that your judgement wasn’t the best and you screwed up bigtime! Who enjoys doing that? But if you’re set on dealing with a situation like this, swallow your pride and admit that you did not behave appropriately. That will go a long way to patching things up.
Apologize
This often goes along with admitting you were wrong. You don’t need an effusive and overdone apology: a simple heartfelt admission that you were in the wrong is enough. Be genuine. One important thing to do when you’re apologizing is avoid blaming the other person in some way, no matter how much you think they are at fault. If they are at fault, don’t apologize! Saying “I’m sorry that I did this but you made me do it by doing that” is not a true apology. If you want to discuss the role the other person played in a fiasco, let that come later.
It’s hard to remember at times, but just because you apologize, it doesn’t mean that you will be forgiven. There are many good reasons to forgive, but it is up to the person to come to that decision on his/her own.
Offer to fix the situation
Not every situation can be fixed, nor can amends always be made but offer what you can to make things at least somewhat better. Again, your offer may be rejected but it is important that you make it.
After doing these three things, there may still be tension and coolness in your relationship. Unfortunately, short of reiterating the three steps above, there isn’t much you can do. Continue to behave in a way that supports the things you said (you were wrong, you’re sorry, you’re willing to make amends) and hopefully things will come around. If not, move on and take the lesson with you to your other relationships.
sorry, apologizing, let down, disappointment
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:06 pm
Oh, you’re so right, Jooms.
I’ve had a few incidents at work where I’ve realized I’m in the wrong over something. In order to keep a good working relationship going with peers or kids, a simple apology and the decision to move past mistakes can go a long, long way.