How to be a friendlier person
The title is a bit presumptuous, perhaps: first off, how do I know you’re not already friendly enough? What about the assumption that someone who’s friendly either wants something or is hiding something? While these are possible conclusions to draw from someone who seems to be always smiling, or happy, being friendly is something that benefits everyone, as long as it’s genuine.
By being happy or friendly, you can inspire others to respond in kind. Try this experiment: at the next elevator you approach, or the next door you come to, let someone else go ahead of you. If, after five times you don’t receive a thank you or a smile, or both, I’d be surprised. Now try the opposite: wait for others to open the door, then slip through, rush to enter the elevator when it opens, regardless of who is closer to the door. Compare the reactions or tensions of the people around you: if they are the same as in the first experiment, then you can stop reading now.
A simpler experiment is to smile at someone, as you pass them on the street, or when you are in line with them. I have found that the majority of people will return the smile with an answering smile, and some will even make the first move and greet you. This happened to me several times over the last few days in a town where I didn’t know anybody. Imagine the kind of response I’d get in my office building or in my neighbourhood.
It is important to be genuine in your expressions of happiness/friendliness. While it’s true that if you don’t really mean your smile, a stranger might not notice, but if you do mean it, it will surely be wider and more natural to you. Smiling and laughing have been linked with the release of feel good compounds, endorphins, by the body, so you and the person receiving your smile benefit.
Being friendly and happy does not mean that your life is perfect, or that you’re hiding something: it simply means that you have chosen not to concentrate on those aspects of life that make you want to strangle yourself or the next person you see. Instead, your focus is off those less pleasant items and rather on things that make you happy.
Here are some ways to be a friendlier and happier person:
Smile
I hope the above shows how important this is. Do it often, do it to everyone you meet: it really does affect your own mood. You never know who your smile will affect. I read somewhere that a smile is the same in every language and this is very true: smiles break barriers of race, age, economic status and mean the same to all people. Unless you are in a funeral, or witnessing something tragic, a smile is rarely a bad move.
Be considerate
The biblical “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you” is true: treating people the way you want them to treat you is an easy way to increase your friendliness. This could be as simple as letting someone ahead of you in the grocery line because they seem to be in a rush, or offering to help someone do something before they ask for your help. Put yourself in the other’s shoes and do what you would want them to do for you in a similar case. As long as you’re doing these things because you want to, it will surely make you feel good also (if you’re only doing it because it’s the “right” thing to do, far from being friendly, you will come across as resentful or grudging in your actions).
Think before you act
Sometimes, when bad things happen, the first instinct is to lash out. Even if all you do is say nothing, instead of reacting in the expected (angry, frustrated, sarcastic, insulting) way, this is an accomplishment. This doesn’t mean you should stifle your emotions; just think a moment before releasing them. Does yelling your displeasure really change the message that would be delivered if you spoke more calmly? Does hurling an insult at somebody really address the issue at hand? Do either of these actions really make you feel better in the long run? Taking an extra moment to formulate a response can save you from making hasty (incorrect) judgements, and sometimes giving the other person a moment to explain/justify/apologize for their actions can save both parties from unnecessary havoc.
Make the first move
As I’ve implied, it’s easy to be nice and friendly, when somebody else makes the first move. Few people will respond to a smile with insults or anger. Instead of waiting for somebody else to be kind to you before you respond similarly, make the first move: whether it’s a conversation starter asking about he weather, or a compliment, make the first move and enjoy the (hopefully) warm response you get in return.
This last lesson was taught to me by a feline that I met while I was away. I put my books down for a moment to readjust my load and this friendly cat just came right up to me and extended a paw as if to say, “Hello there, nice to meet you”.
I smiled in response.
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smile, friendly, how to be friendly, make the first move, friend
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November 12th, 2007 at 7:30 am
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