Life Tips Daily

The act of forgiveness comes fairly easily to me, probably because there is some selfishness involved in forgiveness (and I invented that word!). Of course, it’s easier to forgive after receiving an apology (to learn what makes a good apology, see here), but did you know it’s possible to forgive without receiving an apology?

Why forgive? It’s good for the soul (and your health and mood)!
If you have ever been wronged, you know how awful it feels. Think back to the last really painful experience you had: did you hold a grudge? If so, how did you feel during the days, weeks and months of this grudge? If you can honestly say you experienced no negative physical or mental effects, then you’re the exception. When you’re at odds with somebody, even if you are innocent in the entire affair, the toll on you can be great: you may even feel physically ill. Your sleep might be disturbed, your thoughts may be occupied with the matter and your mood affected too. You may think it’s the situation that’s making you feel so horrible but oftentimes it’s your reaction (including grudge holding) to the situation that’s contributing to the emotional and physical effects.

And the worst part: imagine if the person you’re holding a grudge against isn’t even aware that you’re upset! That might even make you even more angry and prolong the negative effects, but hopefully this highlights why holding a grudge isn’t always a beneficial exercise.

With all these potential negative effects on you, it’s easy to see why forgiving might be the best solution: you free yourself from the physical and emotional weight that you’d be likely to experience otherwise.

What if your forgiveness is not requested?
In a perfect world, when somebody wrongs you, you’d tell them what they did (if they were not already aware), and they’d apologize. How often does that happen? Most times people want to explain why they feel justified in their actions, or they want to say how your reaction to their rude action made them mad! Some people are stubborn and would rather die than admit they made a mistake, admit they are wrong, and as a result will never apologize or ask someone to forgive them after wronging them.

If you are ever in a situation with somebody like this, you’ll be happy to know that you don’t have to hold on to the negative feelings forever: simply tell yourself that the situation happened and can’t be changed so you choose to let it go. It doesn’t mean the wrong disappears, or you become friends with the person without receiving an apology (or suitable response), but it does mean you return the power for your own happiness to yourself, and refuse to let your feelings depend on the whims of somebody who may or may not decide to ever speak to you again.

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Forgiveness does not mean you agree with the actions of the person you are forgiving, nor does it mean the person being forgiven needs to be made aware of your decision to forgive them. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you deny what happened or forget it, but you do choose not to let it rule your life. When you choose not to harbour grudges or ill will, and instead forgive, you free yourself to enjoy life more fully.

forgiveness, forgiving, grudges, anger, forgive, grudge

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