Fighting Fair
It may seem strange to wonder how to fight, and whether or not there is a way to fight fair, but if you have ever had a fight with somebody where you found yourself acting in a way that you would say is uncharacteristic for you, or in a way that left you feeling disappointed or apalled by your own behaviour in addition to that of your antagonist, then you may find these fair fighting tactics handy:
State your point
If you have a disagreement with somebody, tell them what is causing you grief. Do not refer to past events, no matter how related they may be. Stay on topic and make it easy for the person you are in conflict with to see what you are angry about or why you are angry.
Tone is everything
No matter how close to bawling or tearing the arm off of somebody you are, be aware of the tone of voice that you are using. If you launch into your discussion in a tone that is angry, sarcastic, extremely elevated or patronizing, you are guaranteeing that your audience will tune out what you have to say, and dismiss it on account of the negative tone of voice that was used to relay the information. Instead, state evenly and calmly what you are displeased about and hopefully they will follow suit.
Take turns talking
When you’re angry, it is easy to be so focused on getting out what you want to say, that you forget that you are not in the middle of a monologue. Taking the time to hear any responses to your points might end the fight much sooner, especially in cases where the reason for the fight turns out to be due to a misunderstanding.
Stay on topic
It is very easy to go from a fight about a particular thing to a discussion of the history of the combatants’ friendship, including any transgressions along the way. It’s also not uncommon for two people with a shared history to go back and use this knowledge against their opponent. By veering off topic into a sensitive or hurtful area, you guaranteeing you will be tuned out, or become increasingly angry over the situation. Don’t participate in any mudslinging.
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Despite following these tips perfectly, sometimes you discover that you are dealing with someone who is unreasonable or irrational, and there is not a lot that you can do in that situation except hope that one day in the future, when they can no longer recell your name, they will remember how you taught them to fight fair.
What are your fair fighting tactics?
fight, fighting fair, relationships, conflict
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April 26th, 2007 at 12:26 am
I don’t go to far into the past, but i do
cover a little bit of the past.
Me and NN have a rule no punching in the face. :S
April 26th, 2007 at 12:33 am
Well, sometimes it can seem like a good idea to use the past to illustrate a current problem but the person you use this on rarely sees it that way.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:13 am
Ooooh, I like the no punching in the face rule. I might have to add it to my fighting rules!
I’m a bad fighter and I know it because I typically end up very sarcastic, patronizing, loud (Who, me?), and angry. Usually it just serves to make the other person angrier than they are.
Fortunately, I don’t fight too often. I’m such a pacifist that I just wander meekly away from fights… which can be a bad thing as well, LOL.
April 26th, 2007 at 9:00 pm
Amanda,
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being angry: it’s pretty hard to have a fight unless there is some anger involved. But if you can control it enough to get across why you’re angry to the cause of the anger, you might find it beneficial to keep your cool.
To be honest, I can’t imagine you being sarcastic and patronising in a fight…I’ll just hope I never get in a fight with you ;)!
April 27th, 2007 at 9:43 am
All is fair in love and war, hit them where it hurts! And kick them when they’re down!