Life Tips Daily

Ms. Judith Kallos, e-mail etiquette expert and author, was kind enough to answer some questions on e-mail etiquette. Her website, Net Manners and her blog, E-mail Etiquette Matters are essential resources for anybody concerned with communicating online in a manner that is polite, clear and respectful.

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Jummy: First of all, I have to comment on how much information you provide on your site, www.netmanners.com – it’s great!. Do you see yourself as a lone crusader against poor e-manners?

Ms. Kallos: Thank you for your kind words. There have been a few of us out there pounding the drum on the topic for the past decade. Recently, however, it seems there seems to be increased interest in the topic now that e-mail is such an integral part of our lives.

How do you define good e-manners?

I have a motto I use that I feel describes that perfectly: “Using technology with knowledge, understanding and courtesy!�

Having the knowledge to understand the environment in which you are participating is crucial to having a productive and enjoyable online experience. And courtesy, just as in the off-line world, never goes out of style!

You left the corporate world to work for yourself as a consultant on technology use and marketing at The IStudio®. Is it while entering into business for yourself that you recognized the importance of manners, even (or especially) over the internet?

Yes! I was working with clients who were PhDs and successful professionals in their field and by virtue of their e-mails they looked like they didn’t make it out of grade school! So, I had a “Netiquette� area on my site for them, that then started drawing outside interest which then translated into a site of its own on the topic of E-mail Etiquette and proper technology use. The whole project and my 2 books, eBooks and free services have all been driven by site visitor requests. Even my blog posts are based on what those who e-mail me through NetManners.com are concerned about.

By the numbers of visitors (in the thousands) that your site receives each day, many are eager to learn about or ensure that they are practicing good netiquette. While understandable in business, is netiquette too formal for friends and family?

When it comes to family and friends you certainly don’t have to be as formal in your writing style. Perceptions are not as important in personal e-mail as they are in your business e-mail. That said, common courtesy and using technology properly are still very important in personal e-mails. Issues such as sending very large attachments without notice, forwarding e-mails without comment or vetting them for accuracy first and protecting the privacy of those you communicate with are just as important in your personal e-mail activities.

As far as I can see, you have two books and two e-books out; congratulations! Which of these books would you recommend to the average internet user and why?

Thank you for your support! Each book is targeted at a different type of onliner. My new book, E-mail Etiquette Made Easy!, that just came out is for those who want to have the basics of what is important when it comes to their e-mail practices, while Because Netiquette Matters! has a more rounded discussion in regard to online technology and E-mail Etiquette.

My eBooks are also targeted at different folks. Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Business E-mail Etiquette covers the topics that those online for commercial gain need to know about to succeed online, while my E-mail Etiquette 101 is geared at Newbies who are looking for the basic basics.

Do you find that specific lapses in e-mail manners happen more in older or younger folk?

Not really. I’ve found that in general, many are resistant to this topic due to the incorrect perception that the online world “has no rules.� Older folks are more intimidated by technology which prevents them from embracing this topic while younger folks simply see no need for such guidelines.

What do you think is the most common mistake made by people in e-mails?

Not taking the time to communicate with clarity. The words you choose and how you choose to use them can make a huge difference in how your intent and tone are perceived by the other side.

I exchanged several e-mails with you before this interview, and I was impressed by the speed with which you replied to each one (within two hours!). You recommend that e-mails be answered as soon as possible and within 3 days. Do you have any tips or tricks to help someone who receives many e-mails a day as I’m sure you do? I know you have your E-mail Organization Tips but surely there’s more to it than that?

Being I am a Tech Consultant, I am online all day (M-F/9-5) so that gives me the ability to respond so quickly. E-mail is like anything else, you have to make the time to respond promptly. Just like returning voice-mails. If you don’t make the time to return those calls, people think you are ignoring them. There is an expectation of a fast response when it comes to e-mail. People think you are ignoring them if you don’t reply super fast!

Check your e-mail once each day at least and take the time to reply. For some that means budgeting the time their busy schedule.

I notice you have some advice for people who use instant messenger (IM) systems here. I have found that some people do not treat talking online the same way they treat talking on the phone: I have had people leave in mid-conversation to do other things without informing me; some have even turned off the chat program without notice! As businesses move toward e-conferences rather than teleconferences or in-person meetings, do you see your site providing more tips on chatting etiquette?

When it comes to business IM’ing, I think IM’ing is limited in regard to having productive business communications. I doubt it will ever be a preferred choice over standard communications and meetings – it just doesn’t lend to relationship building or clarity in communications which is at the core of any successful business relationship.

The tips I offer will apply for some time. Once again it all boils down to having courtesy for the person(s) on the other side in regard to their time. If you have to leave, be kind enough to let those you are chatting with know you will hook up later.

After taking nearly three weeks (!!) to respond to your last e-mail, I decided to take your quiz to determine whether I was a Netizen or a Newbie. Despite any doubts you may have, I scored 7 out of 10. One new thing I learned is that virus software should be checked for updates every time I log on. Why is it necessary to be this diligent?

I am not surprised you did so well. Your E-mail Etiquette skills are very good!

Actually most virus software has an automatic scheduling feature that will update automatically as new viruses are identified. The problem is most folks don’t know they can utilize that feature and if they are off-line their software doesn’t get updated.

The importance is that if your software doesn’t get updated, it doesn’t have the latest information to protect you. New viruses come out every minute of the day, if the software is updated to know about those new threats it cannot protect you.

Some have said it’s difficult to emote in e-mails, and that sometimes the tone of our lines of text gets misinterpreted. Is it appropriate to use acronyms such as LOL or ROFL in e-mails to express that one is not serious? Or, what are some acronyms that you feel are appropriate for use in e-mails?

Those you e-mail will be hanging on every word you type to try and determine your intent and meaning. That is why it is so important to take your time, reread your message and ensure you are relaying the intent and tone you desire.

If you are joking, simply add a ;- ). If you are sad or disappointed :- ( . The acronyms you mention are fine, however, you don’t want to rely on acronyms and emoticons to carry your entire tone – especially in business e-mails. Emoticons and acronyms should be used sparingly if at all. Instead rely on choosing the appropriate words to communication what you want to get across.

Like I mentioned, your site is full of great tips, some of which you call Courtesies. In one of these Courtesies, you recommend that if I am sending an e-mail to a group of people, I should include all of their e-mail addresses in the BCC line. Don’t you need to have a name in the To: line in order for an e-mail to send, which means at least one contact’s name would always be visible to the other?

The best thing to do is put your e-mail address in the To: field in these instances.

Thanks for the tip; I did not know that. Another question: when you are conversing with a client via e-mail, is it necessary to start each response with a salutation and sign each response in the thread with your name? I sometimes find myself leaving it off because it seems extremely repetitive or overly formal.

With e-mail yes. I believe that is simply part of having courteous communications otherwise you risk coming off as terse, abrupt or demanding.

If you notice, no matter how often I e-mail back and forth, I always start with a greeting and their name and sign-off a closing and my name.

You do. When sending an e-mail to a client for the first time, I always refer to them by their title. If they respond and sign their name without the title, is it considered polite (or rude) to refer to them by their name (without title) in subsequent emails? If the title is something other than Miss/Ms./Mrs. or Mr., should I continue to use their title? I currently continue to use the title. How do we know if we are being invited to use their given name, or whether the client is signing the email with the name he or she calls himself or herself?

When it comes to business, formality is in place for a reason. It is how we show respect and how we build relationships. A good rule of thumb is to let your new associate guide you on the level of formality they prefer. Follow their lead. If you see they sign off with just their first name, you can comfortably address your next communication in the same way.

Your blog, E-mail Etiquette Matters, is yet another resource available for those who want to be among the well mannered online. Your entry about including your title in the signature if you have gender-ambiguous first name really resonated with me, as I have been referred to as ‘Mr.’ on several occasions. Do you think that blogging requires the same etiquette as e-mail? How do you see the two as different (if you do)?

Blogging is a bit more conversational and informal but here again, you have to be cognizant about the fact that how you choose to respond will determine how you are perceived by those who don’t know you. When I post to other’s blogs, I don’t always start with a greeting but I always start with a compliment/comment about the blog I am posting to before I offer my opinion and, I always sign my name.

After all these questions, it’s the least I can do to let you say exactly what you want to say. Please leave the readers any parting thoughts and wisdom on netiquette that you’d like them to remember from this interview.

Technology is just a tool; a tool that can be used properly or recklessly based on the efforts one chooses to make. Choose to be wise and acquire the necessary knowledge to be able to use this great medium to enhance your life both personally and professionally. Be open to being on a continual learning curve and work continuously on building your writing skills so that you can communicate with the written word in a positive and productive manner. Enjoy!

It’s been my honor and pleasure chatting with you, Jumoke! ;- )

Thank you for your extremely enlightening and informative interview, Ms. Kallos!

Judith Kallos, Netiquette, manners, e-manners, email, email etiquette

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