Disappointment: letting yourself down
(sam brown, explodingdog)
You didn’t study hard enough and as a result, you failed a test, you don’t end up doing what you dreamed you’d do career-wise, you failed to stand up for what you personally believe in at a critical moment, you put those 25 pounds it took you a year to lose back on in four months, you yelled at the kids for no reason except your own personal frustration with some aspect of your life, you made a financially unsound/uninformed decision and lost your savings as a result. When things like this happen, you’re left feeling disappointed in yourself and this can be very difficult to deal with. You’ve let yourself down and there is nobody to blame but you.
The Pollyanna in all of us (or if we’re lucky enough to call Pollyanna friend) would say “Don’t let it get you down! Pick yourself up and keep on moving! The sun will come out tomorrow” and other positive sentiments but it’s not always that easy. Some of these self disappointments are easier to get over than others, due to the relatively small impact they have on your present or future, but how do you deal with more life-altering events that will have a more permanent place in your history?
Accept it
Yes, it happened, no it can’t be changed or erased. And that’s it. On to the next step.
Analyze it (constructively)
It can be hard to rehash past events but do so clinically, as if you’re looking on the situation as a bystander and take advantage of hindsight. Are there any obvious mistakes that you made that can be avoided for next time? Did you underestimate/not plan for something that you should have? Or was this result somewhat unavoidable or inevitable? This won’t be a comfortable process but if done right, it can lead to greater insight about yourself, and with this knowledge you can ensure that future goals or plans are executed the way you want them to be.
Learn from it
Apparently you’re doomed to repeat past mistakes if you don’t take the time to determine why or how it can be avoided in the future, so I suggest you do this. This is the main goal when you end up in a situation that you didn’t expect or plan for, that result in consequences that you must deal with: learn from it. There is no point dwelling on what brought you to this point since it has happened and cannot be changed (and you already dwelt on it-constructively-in the previous step!). Instead, look the consequence(s) in the face and invoke your inner Pollyanna: see how you can find the good in it. Sure, it’s not what you intended or expected, hoped or dreamed of but you’re still alive and it’s what is. Use it as your new starting point to get to your next goal, or to get back to the original goal.
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By looking at your disappointment and taking the steps to change it for the better or avoid making the same mistake, you will positively impact your life and be an inspiration to others who go through the same. And hopefully you’ll look back on your past disappointment and see it didn’t ruin your life afterall.
life, life tips, dealing with disappointment, disappointment, let down, self
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April 18th, 2007 at 4:30 am
I’d also say Don’t Dwell On Diasappointment though it’s easier said than done.
April 18th, 2007 at 6:24 am
do your best and leave the rest, it will all come right, some day or night.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I really like this post. I find myself time after time beating myself up for things i have total control over. I know what i must do to achieve my goals. All obstacles must be set aside and persistence must take over.