Life Tips Daily

What better way to start off a new week than with a Your Turn! Yes, I know it’s Monday and not Friday but this dilemma came to me and I’d love to know what you think.

(I may be biased but I can say that I trust this person’s accounting of the story fully, and have no reason to believe any of it has been exaggerated for effect or told in a way to make one side sound better or worse than the other.)

What do you do if you work in an environment (in this case a department store) where your coworkers, for whatever reason, do not like you. At first you think you’re imagining it, because you’ve always been polite and they have been the same to you, but then you catch the coworkers whispering not quite behind your back constantly. You’re called to the office of your boss one day to talk to two coworkers who have told the boss a story about something you did (which you did not do). It’s two against one and you’re hardly given a chance to tell your side of the story before your boss tells you that you are expected to shape up or face the consequences.

What should this employee do? She is unsure about whether she’s ready to leave a job she’s been working at for over 10 years, especially in light of the fact that the coworkers that reported her have been there less than a year, and her boss less than three years.

Other bits of information that may or may not be important:

• The two coworkers hang out socially with each other outside of work
• The two coworkers hang out socially with the boss outside of work hours
• Other coworkers have started repeating similar (made up) stories, leading to a very tense work environment

Last week we looked at some questions about workplace and this week’s Your Turn is no different! What are your answers to the questions below:

1. A coworker has gotten into the habit of telling you all of his or her problems, all because you asked him/her one day how s/he was doing, and listened while s/he gave his/her life story. How do you extricate yourself from this position of constant confidant?
2. A coworker dresses inappropriately for the office (in your opinion). How do you go about addressing this?

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Let’s go back to Your Turn for this week, because I have two work-related questions for you that have been asked by me and others over the last while. What do you think of the following:

1. How much notice should you give an employer before leaving for a new job? Is this answer affected by terms under which you decide to leave? Does your answer depend on what industry you work for?

2. You work in an office where you share some appliances (coffee maker, fridge, toaster, kettle). There are rules in place for the operation of this equipment, including cleaning up after yourself. How do you deal with a coworker who constantly breaks the rules?

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It’s that time of the week again: your turn! I hope you’ll speak up about what you would do in the following situation; don’t be shy! Please leave your solution in the comments.

Here is this week’s situation:

You carefully read these entries on how to be a good host, and planned for the arrival of your guests. Since their arrival, you have taken time off from work to entertain them, and you provided them with the means to access activities they might enjoy on their own when you are not around. You’ve opened your home to them and invited them to use it as they would like. The problem: you have been too kind, too welcoming. Despite starting off as guests who followed the rules (at least initially) and:

• told you when they were coming
• …and when they were leaving
• came bearing gifts
• came with enough money to take care of your own
• came ready to follow the house rules

your guests have developed an inclination to say on, indefinitely, while you have tired of their stay, the constant need to clean up the house more regularly than you normally would, and entertain guests who have begun to complain that they are bored (clearly we are not talking about guests who visit for the evening and linger). When you ask them when they will be leaving, they tell you that they seldom see you and are so happy that they can spend this time with you. You are even asked jokingly if you’re trying to get rid of them, something you deny automatically, although it is true.

So, how do you get rid of your unwelcome guests? Does the fact that they are family change the way you would deal with them compared to if they were good friends?

unwelcome guests, guests house guests

It’s that time of the week again, Your Turn! I’ve been using scenarios that I come across in my own life but if you have a dilemma or have witnessed something that you aren’t sure how to deal with, please feel free to submit it to Life Tips Daily by email. Please send your scenarios and dilemmas to jummy.lifetipsdaily at gmail dot com.

Today’s dilemma is about dealing with somebody who never seems to pay his or her fair share.
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Your friend is dating a new guy, and has been for a few months. You have met him and thought he seemed nice from this first meeting.

However, you were recently out of town and while you were out of town you saw him making out with another woman. You are 100% sure that it was him. You are also certain that he did not see you.

Some questions:

1. Would you tell your friend?
2. Would you let him know that you saw him and tell him to confess to your friend?
3. If you decided to tell your friend, how would you deal with a friend who is adamant that it was not her boyfriend, that you’re seeing things and trying to ruin her relationship out of jealously?

Let’s hear what you have to say!

If you’re curious about my answers, they’re below:
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There is a person in your life that you see regularly. He or she is a great person but has a little problem that you don’t think they are aware of since they have never mentioned it to you, or shown any signs of being self-conscious about it. They always look impeccably groomed; you have no reason to believe they are not aware of all the basic sanitary practices.

Despite it all, they stink.

It’s not bad breath, which could be dealt with with constant proffering of gum, mints or breathstrips, or recommending a good toothbrush (innocently, of course) but body odour. Having smelled my fair share of armpit-induced body odour, I have reason to believe this odour isn’t coming from that part of the anatomy.

How does one mention to a friend that they smell bad? Should it be mentioned at all, or simply tolerated?

It is the birthday of a friend of yours. This person is not your closest friend but a friend who merits receiving a birthday gift from you. Just as you’re trying to figure out what to buy that falls within your budget range for the event, you receive an email from a closer friend of the birthday girl or boy’s, asking you to contribute a certain amount towards a large supergift for the celebrant. The amount you’re being asked to contribute is 1/3 more than what you had planned to contribute.

What do you do? Do you go along with it? Contribute the amount you had intended to spend toward it? Go with another gift entirely? Or do something completely different?

When it comes to highschool reunions, the thought of going back to a place that perhaps has many bad memories associated with it isn’t something you’d consider. But what if you had an ok time in highschool and now, 10, 15, or 20 years later, you get an invitation to attend your reunion, happening in three months’ time? One caveat: in highschool, you were voted Biggest Braniac, or Hottest Guy/Girl and somehow you haven’t quite lived up to that moniker. Instead of being a brain surgeon, you work at the gas station because you never completed post secondary education, or instead of your “to die for” highschool physique, you are now 75lbs overweight.

What would you do? Would you attend the reunion and hope that nobody remembers/cares about old highschool titles? Would you scramble and try to do what you can before the big revelation? Or, would you skip on the reunion altogether?

I have shared a variation of this dilemma before but I guess the fact that I’m sharing it again is proof that it bothers me.

Being of a romantic disposition, my perpetually single status can be quite painful, and I can’t deny that finding myself constantly in the company of couples who are either married, newly married, engaged, dating, or newly dating is hard to bear. I look longingly at couples holding hands, sharing inside jokes, asking for one bill for the two of them and I feel like I’m missing out on something big, and I feel like there was a contest or race to find your mate and I missed the race; I didn’t even get the consolation prize!

So, my questions are: What should I do to get over myself? Am I justified in wanting to reduce the number of couple-full events I take part in? Do I need a new posse of single friends?

One of my daily calendars lists five things to be happy about every day.

Rather than focussing on those general things that we can all be happy about, such as the fact that our country is not a warzone, the ability to breathe fresh air and being generally healthy, I’d like you to list with me five things that might not matter much to anyone else but make you feel very happy.

I’ll start. I’m happy that:

• someone decided to make cans of compressed air for cleaning dust from computers and keyboards
• my parents still care enough to ask me where I’m going, even though I’m 28
• sand dollars exist–their delicacy humbles me
• my coworker now puts her opened half packets of coffee sweetner aside so that when I’m rifling through the sugar bowl looking for sugar among the artificial sweetners, I don’t have to run my hands against powdery crystals
• that I got this new casual bag that happens to have the perfect strap length on sale:
  

Your turn: what makes you happy?

Last week’s dilemma involved the fine line between being interfering and being a concerned friend. As Amanda’s comments showed, there may be layers to the situation that need to be examined. This week’s dilemma is not so complex in my view.

Vicky’s roomate, Linda, is dating a guy (Darnell) who shows all the classic signs of being a cheater. Lisa and Darnell have been dating for two years and in this time they have never spent any holidays together, other than a couple of hours when he stops by her apartment to give her a gift. They have one picture together. Here’s the kicker: they live in the same city!

Whenever Linda and Darnell make plans to go away for the weekend, or for her to meet his family (who live in town), or for him to meet her mom (who lives out of state and only visits once or twice a year), something always comes up, Darnell is unable to be where he’s supposed to be, and plans are cancelled.

On top of all this, Vicky was told by a mutual friend that Darnell was seen with a young child who looks a lot like him. This may be weak evidence but surely when put with all the rest it supports the thesis that Darnell is cheating on Linda?

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A friend of mine, Jane*, has a very close friend (Julia*) that is practically like family. Julia is engaged in self destructive behaviour. Jane is a self-described passive person who avoids conflict whenever possible and does not like to invade the privacy of others. However, she has shared concerns about Julia with me, and wanted to know how I would react to some of the situations she has witnessed Julia engaging in.

I was surprised with the laid back attitude that was being taken by Jane to the situation, and I told her this. We are not talking about somebody who is engaging in behaviour that I am against because it is a matter of preference, this is self destructive behaviour, behaviour that could be destructive to Julia’s family also. While Jane’s philosophy is “I can’t really stop her from behaving the way she wants”, and I agree, I do feel that as someone who is practically a member of Julia’s family, Jane’s obligation runs far deeper than doing her best to cover up Julia’s actions while she is with Julia. What about when Julia is alone with her family? Shouldn’t this behaviour be reported to the authorities or organizations created to help with this sort of behaviour? Jane is uneasy about this idea because of her feelings about not invading the privacy of others.

What do you think Jane’s obligations are in this situation?

*Names changed to protect the guilty

A friend of mine is happily married, but is made to feel guilty for spending time in her new home, with her new husband and her new life and not with her parents and younger sister (who still lives at home).

She has finally decided that seeing her parents once a week is sufficient, and has made every effort to make this weekly meeting on the same night every week so that all everyone involved can book that time exclusively for this. A mutual date was agreed upon, but the parents keep cancelling the date and then complaining that their daughter is unable to make time for them. My friend has suggested that another day and time be chosen, but her parents agree that this is the best time for them.

Who is at fault (if anyone)? How can my friend maintain peace in her family?

A friend of mine told her coworkers a big lie when she first started working with them. Whether she did this because she was embarrassed to admit the truth, or didn’t think her relationship with some of the coworkers would deepen, it’s hard to tell. I don’t believe she even knows why she didn’t admit the truth.

I know the truth and although I don’t think it will affect how people treat her in the long run, I think she should set the record straight (at least with the coworkers she has become close with) and tell them the truth. My other friend says that since this truth will not affect her relationshiop with her coworkers, she should let sleeping dogs lie and not bother setting the record straight.

What do you think?
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If you have a real life dilemma that you’d like to be featured on the Friday feature, please send it to jummy.lifetipsdaily@gmail.com.