Life Tips Daily

Do you have some bad habits that are taking over? It’s time for some new, better habits to rule your roost. The following are five things that you can phase out of your home or life in order to improve your quality of life. You may enjoy how you feel without them so much that you keep them banished forever.

Cola (pop, soda)
How can one drink cause so much turmoil? Surely something that bubbles and fizzes can’t be bad? The sad truth is it is, and you probably already know it. It has been reported in various places that one can of pop (355ml) contains at least 9 teaspoons of sugar (source 1, source 2, source 3), not to mention the calories these drinks have.

Sneaky cheat: switch to a diet version of your favourite fizzy drinks en route to getting to pop-free status.

Whole milk
Don’t worry, parents of young children, I’m not talking to you. Milk in Canada is sold according to the percentage of milk fat it contains. “Whole” milk contains 3.25% milk fat, and there is 2%, 1% and 0% (skim) milk fat milk sold too. My family has moved from 3.25% milk to 1% milk and I can’t remember either transition (it was gradual, though, and happened over a number of years: from 3.25% to 2%, then from 2% to 1%). While 1% and 2% milk are both still opaque, skim (or 0%) milk looks more watery and this is one of the reasons I have not yet made the transition. However, it is possible.

Sneaky cheat: get somebody else in the household to make the switch without telling you. I bet you won’t notice it as much as you may think!

Ordering takeout (often)
This is a good switch to make for your wallet if you find that nights when you “just don’t feel like cooking” happen far more often than nights when you actually cook. By ordering less, and cooking more, you get to develop your culinary flair, control the contents of your meal, including calories, amount of fat, and how the food is prepared, and don’t forget the savings that you’ll see in your wallet too: ordering in less often generally means that you’ll be able to save more money.

Sneaky cheat: buy partially prepared foods in the grocery store to help you out–pre-chopped vegetables, cheese that is already grated and bags of washed and tosses salad are all great ways to save yourself some time without getting something unhealthy and expensive to eat.

Junk food
Self explanatory–eating junk food is like treating your body like a garbage can. The effects of an unhealthy diet not only result in extra pounds (or tens of pounds if we’re honest) on your body, but your skin reflects what goes in: acne or other skin imperfections are often signs of a poor diet, and don’t forget how sluggish unhealthy food can make you feel.

Sneaky cheat: look for low fat and low calorie versions of your favourite treats as you phase out the junk food items completely.

Hours upon hours of television watching
While imitating the couch potato, you will turn into a potato! If you ever catch yourself watching a show because the tv is still on after the last (seven) shows that you watched, it’s time to make a change! Set a limit for the amount of television that you “must” watch. When the show(s) is(are) over, turn off the television. Instead of sitting on the couch, mourning the end of your tv viewing, do something else–go for a walk, organize your junk drawer, call up a friend, write a letter. Your time in front of the tv will seem so wasteful when you see all that you can accomplish–you may even voluntarily cut your tv time further!

Sneaky cheat: get rid of cable television! By limiting the number of channels you have access to, you’re sure to find the shows now available to you boring and you may even turn off the television voluntarily.

bad habits, better habits, break bad habits, quality of life

Yesterday, I explored the idea of being yourself. Here are some ways to make it happen:

Define your truth
What do you believe in? What do you care about? What do you know to be true in your life or about life in general? Write these things out, either literally or in your head. Make sure you know what you believe in–this will allow you to make sure that you live your life according to those values and ideas you hold dear.

Don’t fear conflict
Dialogue in loud voices (some call this yelling or screaming) is not always bad and destructive. Conflict can be detrimental but it can also be good for the purposes of helping one set up their individual truth and clearing the air. Conflict has a way of bringing to light things that you thought were resolved or no longer relevant.

Don’t care (so much)
I’m not advocating you embrace your inner unfeeling robot but you need not always care so much about somebody else’s opinion. You may find as you try to do what you think is right, and follow your own rules and what seems right to you, you may meet people who disagree with you, or want to let you know what they think of what you’re doing. Try not to take every critique personally (and there will be critiques, especially if you’re going against the grain). Adopt the “I don’t care (so much) what others think” mentality. No matter what you do, people will always talk or have an opinion on how you can do it better so stop allowing these changeable opinions to rule you.

Do what you love
How can you be true to yourself if you are doing something you hate, or something you are actually opposed to? (Answer: you really can’t). Perhaps the alternative (homelessness) keeps you working at a job you detest, and you don’t see any release from this job in sight. If leaving an uncomfortable situation is not an option, consider adding something that you do enjoy doing to your life, so you have something to look forward to or to distract you from your unideal situation.

If you have a clear idea of what you want, and can afford to leave an unpleasant situation, do it! Moments of self doubt may occur but once you get into the new rhythm, things are usually better, despite being perhaps initially more stressful than the previous situation. You’ll derive a lot more pleasure from doing something you truly feel passionate about.
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Following one’s passion and being true to yourself is not easy and may require you to step out of your comfort zone and face fears that you’ve hidden from. Have you ever had to make a drastic change in your life to be true to you?

authentic, real, authentic sefl, true self, true colors

I was in a wedding party this past weekend and this got me thinking of some good advice for wedding guests.

Arrive early
Some people like to arrive at weddings 30 minutes or longer before. I see this as largely unnecessary unless you know the bride and groom or their families well enough and you expect they will be asking you to do any last minute things. Otherwise, arriving 10-15 minutes before the ceremony is expected to start is just perfect. This gives you just enough time to find a seat, mingle with some friends or acquaintances that are also at the event, and get your camera ready to snap some photos.

Your cellphones/beepers/PDAs have the right to remain silent
There is nothing more jarring than observing a beautiful ceremony and during a key part, the jarring ring of a cellphone interrupts the ceremony. If you must have and leave your cellular telephone on, please set it on silent or vibrate, at least for the wedding ceremony.

Get your objections out of the way earlyAlthough the wedding I attended did not ask if there was anybody at the wedding who objected to the couple marrying, if you do have some serious objections to the union, objections that would truly in your opinion affect the decision to marry, get it out sooner rather than later. Having an open discussion may prove to be enlightening for all parties involved.

Save drunken behaviour for never your home
Some weddings have open bars, which can be a recipe for disaster as people who have alcohol regularly suddenly act like the concept of having an unlimited alcohol supply let it get to them. Think of how horrible you’d feel if numerous pictures of you were captured where you’re doing stupid things, or worse, if the bride and groom notice your behaviour.

Take interest and participate
For one night, throw aside your selfconsciousness on your ability to dance, and get on the dance floor. Have a good time, be enthusiastic and participate in all the different things that are planned by the wedding party for you as guest.

Mix and mingle
Despite there being a large number of people, mingling at a large event can be done. If there is a cocktail hour, give in to the temptation to stand by yourself and go introduce you to people, making sure you ask who they’re there for and how they know the bride and/or groom.

wedding, guest, guests, etiquette

Simple tips to stay cool (or at least feel like you’re cool) when it’s boiling hot outside:

Drink lots of cold water: if you’re hydrated you’ll feel better about the heat. And you won’t have to worry about having to go to the bathroom every two seconds–you can excrete it by sweating!

Avoid wearing black: everyone knows this rule–when outside, dark colours attract the sun which turns you into a mini oven.

Cling to cotton: India cotton is especially lightweight and women have a lot of options of clothing made of this cotton, including skirts, tank tops and t-shirts.

Stay indoors: if you are blessed to live or work in an air-conditioned place, that is. Spend the time indoors bracing yourself for the “I just walked into the oven” feeling you’ll get the minute you step out of doors. If you don’t have airconditioning, hide out in the basement. And if you don’t have a basement? Dig one!

Open your windows at night: If you don’t live in an airconditioned abode, you might find leaving the windows open at night when the sun is down and the evening is cooler is just what you need to cool you down before bed.

keeping cool in the summer, stay cool, avoid heat, summer

Are you one of those people who has an opinion and has been known to share it, even when it’s unsolicited? Join the club! I don’t care so much about the decisions of strangers or coworkers that I am not close to, but when a friend sits me down and tells me something that I think should be handled differently, it’s all I can do not to yell “That is a terrible idea/You don’t look good in that/I think you’re crazy (stupid, disorganized, slow, boring)!!!” at the top of my lungs.

Sadly (although it would be so satisfying to let everyone know what is on the tip of my tongue just once), I wasn’t raised to yell out these inappropriate things simply because I feel like doing so. That’s right: my father taught me the art of being diplomatic.

Diplomacy is the art of being diplomatic and diplomatic? Well let’s let the dictionary do the work for us:

Diplomacy: 1 : the art and practice of conducting negotiations between nations. 2 : skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility : TACT
(Merriam-Webster Online)

Diplomatic people get their point across without ruffling feathers but if feathers are ruffled, they are done so as kindly as possible. You are still telling someone something they may not want to hear, but hopefully you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t make them feel terrible unncessarily. Instead of telling a friend her haircut and hair colour makes her look like an ageing and balding yellow rat, you may instead tell her that you think a darker colour and/or a less choppy cut and style would better suit her features. Both are true, one just says things in a much more friendly and helpful way (and hopefully prevents your friend from drowning herself that night in the bath!).

If you are struggling to keep your harsher than necessary words inside, think of the following:

Is your comment constructive?
Telling someone that their significant other sucks, their project isn’t good or that they drive poorly does not help. Instead it puts the other person on the defensive. Instead, try to give some context to your words, perhaps explaining why you have difficulty relating to their significant other, for example. Sure there may still be some defensiveness, but usually if the person can see that your motives are at least somewhat constructive, the chance of your message getting across is much greater.

What is the true reason behind your unpleasant response
Sometimes you may find that problems going on in your personal life or another problem (or, dare I say it, grudge?) with someone prevents you from responding appreopiately because you are actually angry at them for another reason. If this is the case, sort out problem A (this may mean having to tell the person that you’re angry with them because they may not even be aware of this) before providing tactless, unhelpful and undiplomatic responses to question or problem B.

Better to be silent for a spell than undiplomatic?
There is nothing wrong with taking a moment or two to formulate a reply. In fact, this is a great way to avoid saying something you either don’t mean to say or don’t want to say. Pretend the thing you want to react to is a meal that you have to fully devour before you can comment on it. Taking the time to check what comes out of your mouth is one of the best ways to ensure that your replies remain diplomatic.

I’m sure there are other tongue biting tips but these are the ones that work for me. What works for you?

biting your tongue, being diplomatic, diplomatic, diplomacy, tact

So if money saving is your game, you may want to start with this entry, or perhaps this one.

Here are a few more money saving tips.

Go for the less expensive alternative
While some people can tell the difference between a brand name product and a non-brand name when it comes to food and drinks, it may be more difficult to tell the difference between two dishwashing liquids, laundry detergents, or 100% cotton black socks. Decide what you must have in the more expensive form and any other things that you aren’t so picky about, switch to the less expensive version. Most stores now proudly display their store brand alternatives alongside the well-known brand name in the hopes you’ll give the cheaper alternative a try. Why not try it: if you can tell the difference, switch back but if it’s all the same to you, or if you like the store brand better, bonus!

Keep in mind how quickly little purchases add up
In the last entry, I mentioned how it pays to think twice about making large purchases but what about those regular purchases that you make without thinking about it (them)? Gourmet coffee, the afternoon donut, candies to keep the sweet tooth alive and well, these are all things that become more habit than satisfying a biological need (I will argue feebly that subduing my sweet tooth is now a biological need). Keep a running tally on how much you spend in one week on these little things: one dollar here, two dollars there, and you may find you’re losing upwards of $20 a week!

Never buy anything marked at full price
This tip is related to thinking twice before buying something: tell yourself that you can’t even consider buying something until it is discounted by a certain amount: perhaps 25% will be your magic number. Feel free to keep a careful eye on the item, checking regularly as the price drops (and we know prices drop, it’s only a matter of time). And as often happens, the waiting process will force you to evaluate how badly you want the item and you might find the item slips off your “to buy” list.

Let me know what you think of these tips, and if you have any foolproof money saving tips.

money, spending less, saving, money saving, saving money wealth

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So you want to save money, do you? Yesterday I explained why more money earned=more money saved is not always true. Today I share some easy money saving tips, some you may already be doing.

Automate it!
Your banking, that is. If you haven’t embraced the world of online banking, make a trip to your bank and set up the following:

• a savings account
• a chequing account

Most people have their employer pay them directly into their chequing account. If that is the case, arrange to have some of each paycheque transferred out of your chequing account into your savings account (how much you decide to transfer out will depend on the bills you have to pay) on a regular basis. You won’t even miss it. Those wanting to go a step further might consider preventing access to their savings account through the debit (ATM/interac) card. This will help curb most impulse buys as you will have to either go online and transfer the money electronically or visit the bank and arrange the transfer of funds before you can spend it. After a while you may even forget that the money in your savings account is accessible, and start living within the boundaries of your chequing account.

Give yourself an allowance
Related to the first point, this involves sitting down and creating a list of necessary weekly/monthly expenditures, including room for ‘treats’ and creating a realistic budget from this information. You can then make sure that only money for your budgetted expenditures is available for your spending pleasure. I know this is a great idea in theory but my penchant for impulsive purchases has led to my not implementing this one yet.

Think twice before making any big purchases
While small impulsive purchases do add up over time, if you are prone to making large impulse buys, you may want to set up a system whereby purchases over a certain amount need 24 hours thought or the creation of a ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ list. The hope is that thinking twice (or thrice) will reduce the number of purchases you make, and the regret that follows when you see your dwinding bank accounts.

I’ve got a few more tips in me but I’ll share those another day. What are your (no brainer) money saving tips?

money, saving, money saving, saving money wealth

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When it comes to being wealthy, it’s not how much money you make that determines your wealth but how much you save. This simple concept knocked me on my butt when I first heard it because like many people out there, I work multiple jobs in the hopes of getting ahead financially. “If I work two jobs, I’ll make more money than if I work one job and will therefore end up having more money to save” is my rationale.

But not so fast: working more means that I am out of the house for a longer part of each day, which results in me eating more meals on the road. Working part time in a mall for my second job also means that the temptation to shop in a variety of stores is greater (and often indulged). A busier schedule may result in the dependence on time saving tips, tips that may require a greater expenditure of money (for gas, bus fare, a uniform (if applicable) or other job-related equipment not provided by the employer).

So if working more does not equal more money saved in the bank, what does? Come back tomorrow and find out.

money, saving, money saving, saving money wealth

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So, why are some people never on time? Most people will have a reason that does not implicate them fully but tardiness is a self inflicted infection. Here are some ways to mimize it:

Book fewer things
If your days are crammed with things to do, and the chance of everything being accomplished on time depends on everything running smoothly, then you’re likely overbooked. Try removing one or two things from your daily list of errands and see if that makes you more on time.

Overestimate the time needed for things
How many times has someone called you, tardy person extraordinaire, to inquire where you are. Don’t you always say you’re “five minutes” away from where you’re supposed to be? Five minutes is never actually five minutes; it could be anywhere from 15 minutes to hours. When tempted to give a time estimate, give yourself more time rather than less. Instead of saying you’re 20 minutes away, try saying 30 or 40 minutes. if you’re not too far gone in the tardy department, doubling the time you usually say should be a more accurate calculation. And on the bright side: if you do arrive earlier than planned, everyone will be happy (unless, of course, you are the recipient of a surprise party).

Plan backwards
You need to be at the party at 5pm but you have other things to do. Start by figuring out how much time you need to get to where you’re going, add a cushion of 10-15 minutes, and working backwards, fit in all the other things that need to be done, again adding a cushion of a few minutes. A plan is great but don’t forget to follow it: wear a watch and put measures into place that will keep you on time, even if it means setting alarms to remind you when you should be moving on to a different task.

Buddy system
If you are always late for events, pair up with someone who is also attending (preferably someone who is always on time!). Give them the authority to keep you in line and on time. After a few times with your punctual friend, you’ll have a better idea of things that work and things that don’t with respect to ensuring that you’re on time.

What tips keep you on time?

late, tardy, tardiness, lateness, being on time, on time

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The summer means there are myriad opportunities to volunteer for dozens of causes. Festivals, tournaments, anything-a-thons all need willing, cheerful and committed people to help make the event a success without costing a lot of money to organize, money that should be going to the cause itself. Without further convincing, here’s why you should volunteer:

You can support a cause you feel passionately about but may not be able to donate money to in proportion to this passion
Some choose a cause because it is close to home: a family member or a dear friend has been impacted as a result of a disease, they have a fondness for children, animals, the environment or a particular country. Whatever the reason for your interest in a cause, find out if there is a related organization that seems to be doing something about the problem and offer your time as a gift that money cannot replace.

It’s a great way to meet new people
The best part about the people you meet volunteering is you know that you have something in common. And since you meet them through volunteering the chances are high that they are caring, or willing to give time to something they think is important, which is not a bad basis to begin a friendship on.

You feel good knowing that you’re helping
There is great satisfaction in doing something for someone (or a cause) and knowing that your work will benefit individuals, whether directly or indirectly. If you don’t get a feeling of satisfaction from the work, you may not have found the right volunteer gig.

You get to have fun
Not all volunteer jobs are riveting–most people have a dozen things they’d rather do than be part of a cleanup crew following a large outdoor concert– but hopefully knowing that your job is just as important to the whole volunteer event as the more ‘glamourous’ jobs means that you’ll do your best to have fun while volunteering. Be silly, smile a lot, and treat the chore like it’s the best thing around and the only thing you want to do and you will have fun.

You get free stuff
Well established organizations that host large events are very well aware that the way to retain volunteers for annual events is to provide them with perks because, sadly, the fact that there is no financial benefit to the volunteer often means that there can be a high turnover/absenteeism rate among volunteers if the feeling of satisfaction of doing good is not enough for them, because let’s be honest: not all volunteers do it for the cause alone.

Most events want volunteers to wear something that identifies them as such, be it a pin, a cap or a t-shirt, which is provided by the organization free of charge. Other events give volunteers a deep discount or free admission to the event. You may also get the opportunity to receive free training for a required skill that you do not yet have, like I will.

= = =
I fully recommend that you volunteer. Volunteering opens you up to new experiences, gives you the opportunity to learn more about a cause that perhaps you were not so knowledgeable about, and it is a good way to spend your free time. And who knows: your new best friend, a business partner or a lover might be waiting for you!

volunteer, volunteerism, reasons to volunteer

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Ms. Judith Kallos, e-mail etiquette expert and author, was kind enough to answer some questions on e-mail etiquette. Her website, Net Manners and her blog, E-mail Etiquette Matters are essential resources for anybody concerned with communicating online in a manner that is polite, clear and respectful.

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Jummy: First of all, I have to comment on how much information you provide on your site, www.netmanners.com – it’s great!. Do you see yourself as a lone crusader against poor e-manners?

Ms. Kallos: Thank you for your kind words. There have been a few of us out there pounding the drum on the topic for the past decade. Recently, however, it seems there seems to be increased interest in the topic now that e-mail is such an integral part of our lives.

How do you define good e-manners?

I have a motto I use that I feel describes that perfectly: “Using technology with knowledge, understanding and courtesy!�

Having the knowledge to understand the environment in which you are participating is crucial to having a productive and enjoyable online experience. And courtesy, just as in the off-line world, never goes out of style!

You left the corporate world to work for yourself as a consultant on technology use and marketing at The IStudio®. Is it while entering into business for yourself that you recognized the importance of manners, even (or especially) over the internet?

Yes! I was working with clients who were PhDs and successful professionals in their field and by virtue of their e-mails they looked like they didn’t make it out of grade school! So, I had a “Netiquette� area on my site for them, that then started drawing outside interest which then translated into a site of its own on the topic of E-mail Etiquette and proper technology use. The whole project and my 2 books, eBooks and free services have all been driven by site visitor requests. Even my blog posts are based on what those who e-mail me through NetManners.com are concerned about.

By the numbers of visitors (in the thousands) that your site receives each day, many are eager to learn about or ensure that they are practicing good netiquette. While understandable in business, is netiquette too formal for friends and family?

When it comes to family and friends you certainly don’t have to be as formal in your writing style. Perceptions are not as important in personal e-mail as they are in your business e-mail. That said, common courtesy and using technology properly are still very important in personal e-mails. Issues such as sending very large attachments without notice, forwarding e-mails without comment or vetting them for accuracy first and protecting the privacy of those you communicate with are just as important in your personal e-mail activities.

As far as I can see, you have two books and two e-books out; congratulations! Which of these books would you recommend to the average internet user and why?

Thank you for your support! Each book is targeted at a different type of onliner. My new book, E-mail Etiquette Made Easy!, that just came out is for those who want to have the basics of what is important when it comes to their e-mail practices, while Because Netiquette Matters! has a more rounded discussion in regard to online technology and E-mail Etiquette.

My eBooks are also targeted at different folks. Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Business E-mail Etiquette covers the topics that those online for commercial gain need to know about to succeed online, while my E-mail Etiquette 101 is geared at Newbies who are looking for the basic basics.

Do you find that specific lapses in e-mail manners happen more in older or younger folk?

Not really. I’ve found that in general, many are resistant to this topic due to the incorrect perception that the online world “has no rules.� Older folks are more intimidated by technology which prevents them from embracing this topic while younger folks simply see no need for such guidelines.

What do you think is the most common mistake made by people in e-mails?

Not taking the time to communicate with clarity. The words you choose and how you choose to use them can make a huge difference in how your intent and tone are perceived by the other side.

I exchanged several e-mails with you before this interview, and I was impressed by the speed with which you replied to each one (within two hours!). You recommend that e-mails be answered as soon as possible and within 3 days. Do you have any tips or tricks to help someone who receives many e-mails a day as I’m sure you do? I know you have your E-mail Organization Tips but surely there’s more to it than that?

Being I am a Tech Consultant, I am online all day (M-F/9-5) so that gives me the ability to respond so quickly. E-mail is like anything else, you have to make the time to respond promptly. Just like returning voice-mails. If you don’t make the time to return those calls, people think you are ignoring them. There is an expectation of a fast response when it comes to e-mail. People think you are ignoring them if you don’t reply super fast!

Check your e-mail once each day at least and take the time to reply. For some that means budgeting the time their busy schedule.

I notice you have some advice for people who use instant messenger (IM) systems here. I have found that some people do not treat talking online the same way they treat talking on the phone: I have had people leave in mid-conversation to do other things without informing me; some have even turned off the chat program without notice! As businesses move toward e-conferences rather than teleconferences or in-person meetings, do you see your site providing more tips on chatting etiquette?

When it comes to business IM’ing, I think IM’ing is limited in regard to having productive business communications. I doubt it will ever be a preferred choice over standard communications and meetings – it just doesn’t lend to relationship building or clarity in communications which is at the core of any successful business relationship.

The tips I offer will apply for some time. Once again it all boils down to having courtesy for the person(s) on the other side in regard to their time. If you have to leave, be kind enough to let those you are chatting with know you will hook up later.

After taking nearly three weeks (!!) to respond to your last e-mail, I decided to take your quiz to determine whether I was a Netizen or a Newbie. Despite any doubts you may have, I scored 7 out of 10. One new thing I learned is that virus software should be checked for updates every time I log on. Why is it necessary to be this diligent?

I am not surprised you did so well. Your E-mail Etiquette skills are very good!

Actually most virus software has an automatic scheduling feature that will update automatically as new viruses are identified. The problem is most folks don’t know they can utilize that feature and if they are off-line their software doesn’t get updated.

The importance is that if your software doesn’t get updated, it doesn’t have the latest information to protect you. New viruses come out every minute of the day, if the software is updated to know about those new threats it cannot protect you.

Some have said it’s difficult to emote in e-mails, and that sometimes the tone of our lines of text gets misinterpreted. Is it appropriate to use acronyms such as LOL or ROFL in e-mails to express that one is not serious? Or, what are some acronyms that you feel are appropriate for use in e-mails?

Those you e-mail will be hanging on every word you type to try and determine your intent and meaning. That is why it is so important to take your time, reread your message and ensure you are relaying the intent and tone you desire.

If you are joking, simply add a ;- ). If you are sad or disappointed :- ( . The acronyms you mention are fine, however, you don’t want to rely on acronyms and emoticons to carry your entire tone – especially in business e-mails. Emoticons and acronyms should be used sparingly if at all. Instead rely on choosing the appropriate words to communication what you want to get across.

Like I mentioned, your site is full of great tips, some of which you call Courtesies. In one of these Courtesies, you recommend that if I am sending an e-mail to a group of people, I should include all of their e-mail addresses in the BCC line. Don’t you need to have a name in the To: line in order for an e-mail to send, which means at least one contact’s name would always be visible to the other?

The best thing to do is put your e-mail address in the To: field in these instances.

Thanks for the tip; I did not know that. Another question: when you are conversing with a client via e-mail, is it necessary to start each response with a salutation and sign each response in the thread with your name? I sometimes find myself leaving it off because it seems extremely repetitive or overly formal.

With e-mail yes. I believe that is simply part of having courteous communications otherwise you risk coming off as terse, abrupt or demanding.

If you notice, no matter how often I e-mail back and forth, I always start with a greeting and their name and sign-off a closing and my name.

You do. When sending an e-mail to a client for the first time, I always refer to them by their title. If they respond and sign their name without the title, is it considered polite (or rude) to refer to them by their name (without title) in subsequent emails? If the title is something other than Miss/Ms./Mrs. or Mr., should I continue to use their title? I currently continue to use the title. How do we know if we are being invited to use their given name, or whether the client is signing the email with the name he or she calls himself or herself?

When it comes to business, formality is in place for a reason. It is how we show respect and how we build relationships. A good rule of thumb is to let your new associate guide you on the level of formality they prefer. Follow their lead. If you see they sign off with just their first name, you can comfortably address your next communication in the same way.

Your blog, E-mail Etiquette Matters, is yet another resource available for those who want to be among the well mannered online. Your entry about including your title in the signature if you have gender-ambiguous first name really resonated with me, as I have been referred to as ‘Mr.’ on several occasions. Do you think that blogging requires the same etiquette as e-mail? How do you see the two as different (if you do)?

Blogging is a bit more conversational and informal but here again, you have to be cognizant about the fact that how you choose to respond will determine how you are perceived by those who don’t know you. When I post to other’s blogs, I don’t always start with a greeting but I always start with a compliment/comment about the blog I am posting to before I offer my opinion and, I always sign my name.

After all these questions, it’s the least I can do to let you say exactly what you want to say. Please leave the readers any parting thoughts and wisdom on netiquette that you’d like them to remember from this interview.

Technology is just a tool; a tool that can be used properly or recklessly based on the efforts one chooses to make. Choose to be wise and acquire the necessary knowledge to be able to use this great medium to enhance your life both personally and professionally. Be open to being on a continual learning curve and work continuously on building your writing skills so that you can communicate with the written word in a positive and productive manner. Enjoy!

It’s been my honor and pleasure chatting with you, Jumoke! ;- )

Thank you for your extremely enlightening and informative interview, Ms. Kallos!

Judith Kallos, Netiquette, manners, e-manners, email, email etiquette

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As a two time bridesmaid and one time maid of honour, I feel fully qualified to impart my wisdom on all things wedding related. In all the weddings I have been involved in, I have learned far more about the friends for whom I stood up for and their friends than I ever thought possible. Yes, there is something about weddings that brings out the true characters of people and I’m sad to say that most of the time I wish these sides had never been revealed.

In this series I’d like to cover some tips for three groups of people involved in weddings. It is my hope that you will find something useful whether you are the bride, the bridesmaid or maid of honour, or a guest who happens to be a good friend of the bride.

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It makes sense that we start with the bride, since all eyes will be on her on her special day. I fully understand that being a bride is not easy, and that most brides find themselves inundated with a lot of work on top of their usually already busy schedules. One of the brides whose wedding I was a part of was finishing a master’s degree, applying for teacher’s college and bought a house in the same year; another also bought a house and was working multiple jobs. Needless to say, it is not easy to find time to plan a wedding while juggling other demands and there is also the matter of trying to save money for not only the nuptials but also a down payment on a house.

Some quick tips for brides who don’t want to worry about their bridesmaids or others plotting their demise:

Tell your bridesmaids what they need to know, and in a timely manner
A lot of brides seem to forget that although their bridesmaid may not be planning a wedding, they usually also have busy lives and schedules. This means that continually having to drop everything at the last minute might be an exercise in frustration for the bridesmaid, and will surely lead to feelings of resentment if it happens too often. To avoid this, I urge the bride to give her bridesmaids as much information about each person’s role as possible, and keep the bridesmaids regularly informed of any changes. If the bridesmaid doesn’t have to ask you for updates on things because she knows what’s going on, she will be very happy.

Don’t complain (too much)
Your bridesmaid will be delighted to hear your complaints (honestly: it’s almost a given that you will share your concerns, doubts, and worries with her, and she will attempt to reassure you to the best of her ability). Don’t abuse this by complaining about every aspect of the wedding, or you might make your bridesmaid wonder why you are even getting married if everything is so horrible. It’s understandable that you’ll need to moan about your impossible family members or the parents of your groom, your incompetent wedding planner or the scarcity of decent veils in the entire city, but please don’t turn every conversation about your wedding into a whine fest.

Know what you want
Nothing drives everyone involved with a wedding madder than an indecisive bride. If you don’t have a final decision on what you want, don’t share it with those people whose job it is to make your desires into reality. Someone whose mind is continually changing will drive everybody nuts. Take the time to discuss with the groom (and any other people whose opinion you need) what it is that you want that is not negotiable. Only when you have reached final decisions should you share these decisions with the people involved in making things happen.

Remember that other people have lives too
Weddings have a way of consuming the minds of everyone involved, the bride most of all. Try to remember, dear bride, that your friends and family still have their various concerns, hopes, dreams, to do lists, and accomplishments during this time, and try to keep up to date on what is going on in their lives, even as you’re putting your wedding together. They will appreciate knowing that you still care about them even though you’ve got your wedding to plan.

Don’t forget to acknowledge those who help you
It is customary for the bride to give her bridesmaids in particular a token of her appreciation and this is a tradition that I am quite fond of. Some brides give their bridesmaid a piece of jewelry that can be worn during the wedding; others give a personal gift that is unique to the recipient. While both are fine, I have a decided preference for the latter. As the majority of bridesmaids pay for their own dress, and the dress is usually a style and sheen that cannot be reused (though every bride hopes and declares that it can be), the piece of jewelry usually has the same problem. Instead, why not allow the bridesmaid to decide what jewelry (if any) she wants to wear, and give her tickets to her favourite concert, a gift card for her favourite store, a book she’s especially fond of or a subscription to her favourite magazine instead? And in your speech, don’t forget to thank your bridesmaids and any other people who worked behind the scenes to make your day special too!

If you remember these tips, I promise you that no cries of “bridezilla” will go on behind your back. Or to your face either.

weddings, bride, how to be a good bride, tips for the bride to be, tips for the bride

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I apologize for being a tease. The interview is ready to go but some technical difficulties prevent it from being featured today.

In the meantime, I’d like to talk about the power of the written word, written as in pen on paper. In this internet age, the majority of us receive few, and send even fewer, written missives out. The exception is during holidays, where cards that do get sent out may occasionally include a few words before the signature, which is sad considering how pleasant it is to receive a letter in the mail from a loved one and not from the bank, the government or a company whose services you pay for.

Here are some ways to make letter writing fun for you (because it’s a given that the recipient will enjoy receiving your letter):

Use pretty stationery
I hope I’m not alone when I express my love for beautiful paper. Thick cardstock or heavy paper (greater than 24 lbs) makes writing a joy. Even choosing a colour of paper other than plain white can make all the difference. Paper stores and card stores are great sources of beautiful writing paper. You can also write on the other side of higher quality wrapping paper if you wish, or directly on wrapping paper with a delicate or light-coloured design. You can even make your own stationery fairly easily by stamping or doodling on some nice paper.

Use a fabulous pen
This is even more important than the paper, in my opinion. If you have a pen that flows well, does not smudge and fits the hand well, the chances of your words continuing to flow like the ink it’s being written with are far greater. If possible, test out several types of pens before choosing one. I’m partial to the roller ball pens as they have both ball point and gel ink properties, and I am currently partial to the Uni-ball Jetstream pen:

Get some address labels
Have some nice address labels printed, or print some yourself. I find having a pretty little address label, ready to stick on an envelope not only saves time but also makes you feel more like a letter writing pro. A nice address label can give the recipient of your letter an initial impression of you, or of the content of the letter.

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And there you have it–some simple tips for making writing letter less boring for you. Make sure you put enough stamps on the letter and get ready to make somebody’s day!

Yesterday, I focused on tips that all good guests (or guests to be) should keep in mind before they even enter the home of their host(ess). Once you’ve been welcomed and provided with a place to stay and treated like family, be sure to know your boundaries and stay well within them. The following tips should help with the establishment of these boundaries.

Don’t snoop
As tempting as it might be to explore the home of your host(ess) when you are alone in the home, resist. Not only is it an invasion of privacy, it also rude. If they wanted you to see certain things, they would have been left in plain sight for your viewing pleasure. Stay in common areas of the house and avoid the bedrooms or offices of your host(ess) unless you have their permission (and “make yourself at home� rarely means “paw through my jewelry�!). And stealing is a big no-no too.

Don’t get involved in family squabbles or family politics
If you are staying with a family, you will likely hear raised voices or angry words spoken. When individuals are fighting in your presence, make your presence known in a subtle way, if possible. If not, you can leave the room under the guise of giving them privacy (should they ask you later); both tactics give them a visual reminder that there is someone in their midst who they may want to stop behaving badly in front of. Whether you stay or go, do not:

• take sides in any arguments, even if asked
• act as a witness if an incident is being recalled
• act as the peacemaker (unless you are certain that you are wanted in this capacity by both parties).

Don’t impose your own rules
This is especially important when children are involved. You and your host(ess) will have different parenting styles; this is a guarantee. There may be a lot of overlap in your parenting styles, there may not be any. You must allow your host(ess) to discipline his or her children in his or her way, and hopefully the same right will be extended to you (obvious exceptions to this “live and let live� philosophy are situations of abuse). Complications can occur when one parent allows his or her child to do something while the children of the other person, host(ess) or houseguest does not allow their children to do the same thing. A good guest should defer to the host(ess) and the house rules in these matters, explaining to his or her child why she cannot do something that she is used to doing in her own home. This allows you to teach the child an important lesson that people are different, and how it is sometimes necessary to follow rules that are set out by somebody else.

One thing that both the guest and host(ess) should try to avoid doing is disciplining the other person’s children. This rarely ends well, and usually leads to a fight among the parents!

After all those don’ts, there is one very important do:

Do offer to help with chores and other activities
Although your host(ess) may turn down your request to help clean the kitchen, vacuum, or help with dinner preparations, don’t forget to offer your help. Even if you are not taken up on your offer, the offer is still appreciated. Offer help in a way that expresses a genuine willingness to do the work, and don’t be a part of the problem by creating messes everywhere you go!

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And that wraps up this week’s quartet of entries on being a good host(ess) and/or houseguest. If you have any tips to add or have any questions, please feel free to make them known in the comments section of any of these four entries:

Tips for being a good host(ess)
Part I
Part II

Tips for being a good house guest
Before you walk in the door
Once you’re in the family

guest, guests, houseguests, entertaining, visitors, summer guests, host, hostess, home

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If you’re going to be hosting some guests this summer, may I suggest some essential reading? Part I and Part II provide tips on being a great host(ess).

Today and tomorrow, we’ll focus on the responsibilities of a good guest. That’s right: the houseguest is not off the hook; simply showing up, starving and laden with luggage will not cut it. Houseguests have responsibilities in ensuring that their stay does not result in lost friendships, tension, or (more than the expected) disruption.

When are you coming…
Rule number one of being a fabulous houseguest is this: unless you know this person’s world will be rocked by your completely unexpected arrival, or your arrival is part of an elaborate surprise involving events like a wedding (read: your host(ess) to be is getting married and you had said you wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding and now you can), a milestone birthday, or a rising from the dead, do not drop by, baggage in hand, without any sort of notice!

Imagine the upheaval it will cause to the average individual or family: plans already in place would have to be cancelled, room for you, your luggage and any other people you’ve brought along would have to be found. Many people like to step up their cleaning regime a bit, in honour of their guest, and they might find it frankly embarrassing to welcome you into their home, unannounced. Unless you are a licensed home inspector, do not drop by for an overnight stay (or longer!) without any notice.

…and when do you leave?
The question may be rude, perhaps, (and no self-respecting host or hostess would ask it). They won’t have to ask it because you will provide the answer. Don’t leave your host wondering how long you will be in their home: tell them. Whether you’re staying for five days or 15, they should know. Ideally you’d present your itinerary (ahead of time) in a way that allows them to make the final decision, at least as far as accommodations are concerned–it’s all well and good to have a plan, but making sure it’s ok with your host(ess) is important. Their summer was going on and perhaps fully planned long before you decided to visit and out of respect for your host(ess), you should let them know how long they will have to work their schedule around you (not that they won’t be delighted to!).

Come bearing gifts
Christmas in July? Why not? A good guest brings a gift or token of their appreciation. Board game or book, fine glassware or art, a bathroom towel set or the deed to a cottage, be creative. Gifts are especially meaningful when they are chosen with the recipient in mind so know the likes and dislikes of your host(ess): your vegan host(ess) will not appreciate receiving the fresh steaks from your farm, and your friend’s 20 year old son may not be into the latest trendy thing that his counterparts in your city are into. As long as your gift is thoughtful, it will be appreciated (unless, of course it’s diet pills).

Come prepared to pay your way
With the exception of the things that get forgotten when packing, don’t forget to bring anything that would not only be costly for your host(ess) to provide, but anything that your host(ess) would have trouble providing (due to lack of availability in your area or his or her financial situation). Topping this list would be money, or access to money. Your host(ess) will already be spending (extra) money during your stay, and cheerfully too. Don’t turn it into a nightmare by expecting your host(ess) to pay for your entertainment (unless it’s offered as a treat), special foods or dietary requirements that aren’t easily accessible, or other non-essential things. This can build up tensions unnecessarily. Come aware of the costs associated with the area you will be staying in (the cost of living may be higher) and be prepared to pay your way and the way of anybody else you bring with you.

Come ready to follow the house rules
No, you’re not seven years old again and quite frankly, children never ask their host(ess) whether there are any rules that they should be aware of. You may be entering a house that makes jail seem like a picnic, or a home where anarchy is the only rule. Either way, ask your host(ess) whether there are any rules that you should be aware of. Common rules in households may relate to:

• the time by which you need to be back in their home each evening (this may seem silly but if your host is not providing you with a spare key and they go to bed before you get home, you may end up locked out!)
• rules for telephone use, especially long distance calling (they might have times/places where there are better rates for phone calls that they adhere strictly to)
• television use rules (if the household has children, they may not want you to watch certain movies/shows when the children are around)
• other small things you don’t think about, such as wearing shoes in the house or not.

By being aware of these tips before you set your bags down and make yourself comfortable, you will win the hearts of your host(ess). Get these tips down and you might even get a pillow to go with your cot in the corner of the basement. But once you’re established in the household, then what? Tips for living with your host(ess) will be the topic of Friday’s talk.

guest, guests, houseguests, entertaining, visitors, summer guests, host, hostess, home

(This is a Top 5 - Group Writing Project entry)

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