Life Tips Daily

At some point or other in your life, you have probably been envious of a friend or stranger due to their possession of something you don’t have. This could be material possessions (car, house, new sneakers or wardrobe), personality traits you desire (organization, empathy, friendliness) or maybe someone managed to find the perfect man or woman for them and they are floating around you on their cloud of love, while you’re looking into your love-less past, your love-less present, and what seems to be your love-less future, trying not to lose hope that you too will find the special person for you.

(All these are hypothetical situations, naturally.)

Envy can make you seethe and simmer with strong emotions that leave you feeling miserable. It can make you lash out at people who are genuinely puzzled because they cannot determine what they did to set you off (and if they ever discover that you resent them for being themselves, you’re toast). If not acknowleded and controlled, envy can ruin important relationships in your life.

Instead of giving all the power to envy, force yourself to look at aspects of your own life that others would be envious of, and don’t shortchange yourself: sure, you might not be as artistic as a friend who just received a lucrative contract to paint a mural for a movie star, but you can write, or perhaps you’re a good listener or a fantastic friend. Or maybe you have a savings account with money in it, or you had a happy childhood and a fantastic family life. Even if you don’t have any comparable talents, focus on something about yourself that you like: your ability to make somebody laugh, your ability to brew the perfect cup of coffee, your fashion sense. Focus on the things that make your life good and worth living, and realize that someone out there might be envying you.

Rarely does envy go one way: while you’re busy admiring your coupled up friend, he’s probably envying you your freedom to do what you want and when, without considering the opinoins of any other. Envy is a two-way street.

*

envy, jealousy, envious of friend, jealous of friend

Keep up to date by subscribing to Life Tips Daily’s feed!

I promised you an update on this entry and here it is:

I was very nervous as I considered how I would approach this expert on some topic. I know I mentioned that I was led to talk to this guy because of the applicability of what he was saying to what I’m working on, but I don’t think I mentioned the fact that he actually mentioned the organization that I work for in the first five minutes of his talk! So I had assumed he’d read my nametag and immediately be drawn to me, but as you know, that’s not what happened.

I tried to talk to him before the session, but he was not in the room. Seeing as he’s a fairly busy guy, I assumed he had decided not to stay for the duration of the conference, and I was disappointed. But then I saw him in the audience and my nerves were shaken once again, but I was determined to approach him.

During our break, I looked for him but could not find him. Then I saw him talking to someone, but they were in line for refreshments. I went back into the conference room to regroup, then came out again. He was now talking to one of the female speakers at the event, along with a third attendee. I sidled over and listened in. And then, my Texan hero strutted in: another speaker, he introduced himself to me and asked if I was waiting to talk to the female speaker. I indicated that I was waiting to talk to the gentleman who had shunned me and after we talked for a short while, he started talking to the woman (who he had been waiting to talk to) so I approached the man and told him that I had tried to speak to him yesterday.

I was surprised by his welcome!

He looked at my nametag and the first words out of his mouth were “I was hoping they sent a representative from your organization; did you see that I mentioned your organizattion?!” and he smiled warmly and shook my hand.

I eventually relaxed and was able to talk to him for a few minutes. He was very kind and welcoming and he had met with a coworker of mine just the week before so I fet that even though he was working with the American branch of things, he was quite cognizant of what was going on in Canada.

This was a surprising ending on my part because I truly thought I was being ignored for reasons other than him being overwhelmed or whatnot, and I’m delighted that there might have been some truth to the comments that people left following the last entry. Although I was very nervous, I am glad that I asserted myself.

*

assert yourself, assertiveness, speak up, speak

Keep up to date by subscribing to Life Tips Daily’s feed!

This trip seems to be fodder for talk about life tips or at least ways to improve oneself.

Most people think that I am fairly outspoken, but the truth is unless I am with a group of friends, I tend to keep my mouth shut, painfully so at times. I don’t know anybody at this conference I’m attending, so I’m enjoying the solitude quite well.

For the past day and a half, I have been listening to talks given by experts on their subject matter. I have not once been moved to question any of them during their talks (as we’re encouraged to do after each talk) but today’s second speaker of the afternoon session inspired just that. I sensed that my question was not applicable to the room as a whole, so I didn’t ask it publicly; instead I saw him in the lobby talking to two women and patiently waited for my turn. While I was waiting, another woman came up and the moment the two women left, she barged in and engaged the speaker!

I must admit, for the first five seconds I was shocked, and I wondered if this adult woman had actually just ignored me and began speaking to this gentleman. The worst part (to me) is that the man, who had looked over at me while he was talking to the two women before me, did not even say a word! I may as well not have been standing there.

To me, that was a double insult and their rudeness was surprising.

Determined not to be insulted, I waited for her to speak her piece. While I was waiting, three gentlemen came up and the moment the gentleman I was waiting to speak to finished with the woman, he turned to them and began speaking to them!

I could understand this if I was a small, easily overlooked person, or if I was in a large crowd, but I was clearly standing waiting for him and I am a hard figure to miss (due to my size rather than my importance in this particular conference). At this point I left the group all together, seething at the rudeness, and cursing him under my breath.

Instead of stewing, I thought of ways I could have politely made my presence known right there and then, that I did not take advantage of, but you might decide to should you ever be in the same situtation:

(more…)

Many magazines (especially those geared towards women) encourage women everywhere to indulge themselves and splurge, on services such as manicures, pedicures, spa treatments, including facials, body wraps and massages, on a dinner (or night) out with girlfriends or a spouse, on a fabulous pair of shoes.

It’s hard to deny that pampering or treating yourself does wonders for you: you’re recognizing that you’re worthy and deserving of something nice, something pretty, something extra, something that you don’t need. It’s that latter point that makes indulgences so great: you don’t need to need it. You want it and that is enough.

I’ve noticed that younger people today tend to live a life focused on indulging oneself, and if you look at the generation ahead of you and behind you, you will likely find that you are more self-indulgent than the generation before, you, and less self-indulgent than the generation behind you. My own family is a perfect example of this.

My parents
After moving from Nigeria to the USA, popping out two delightful daughters of which I am one, my parents moved back to Nigeria and from there immigrated to Canada 20 years ago (and popped out two less delightful sons). Fairly typical immigrants, my parents are hardworking individuals and the word “want� does not register in their vocabulary very often, when considering reasons to make a purchase. You purchase things first and foremost because you need them: warm clothing in the winter, gas for your car, food for your belly. Vacations are a lovely idea but forget cruises or weeks spent lying on beaches: vacations can and should have some educational component, and are often to locations close to home, and do not usually happen every year, like clockwork.

The only acceptable types of debt are a mortgage and car payments, and my parents have perfected the art of stretching a dollar as far as possible (they could write the money saving tips section of this site). My mom packs her lunch and goes months without buying her lunch; my dad has similar habits. They are a frugal pair, and they’ve converted my sister to the dark side.

Me
I guess growing up with parents like mine, I could either replicate them or settle into some happy middle ground (it really wasn’t an option to be completely frivolous with money because as the next generation, I’m just old enough that I remember the tough times when money wasn’t plentiful and toys had to be chosen on the basis of educational value and durability rather than how cool it was). Far from making me bitter or resentful towards my parents, it made me appreciate their hard work and sacrifice for their kids, and even today, although I still wish I had gotten that Keypers Toy, I think the Whiz kid impacted my educational choices and future decisions far more than the other toy would have.

So, like my parents, I abhor debt, I live within my means but I am by no means a hoarder of money: I buy lunches out nearly every day, I (used to) buy new clothing every two weeks (just one piece or two, justified by my fabulous clothing discount, courtesy of my part time job), if I want something and it’s less than a certain amount, I’ll buy it with minimal thought. I buy things simply because they are on sale. But this is alright because I’m not in debt (or so my rationale goes). Any potential expenditures over a certain amount involve (too) much hand wringing and deliberation on my part, and I find it difficult to spend large sums of money so I don’t unless it’s absolutely necessary (a computer and digital camera qualify as necessities in my life, hopefully a car and house will in the coming years too).

My brothers
These men are truly the next generation: all that is required before making a purchase is the desire. “If you want it, get it� is their mantra and they live by this. One has a credit card and enjoys spending his money on $30 wallets, $60 ties, $70 dress shirts, a $300 ipod. He is a full time student with a part time job and carrying a credit card balance does not faze him one bit. His older brother is similar: an empty bank account doesn’t bother him, and money is meant to be spent. In its entirety. Despite living at home and having access to the kitchen, both prefer to order dinners out several nights a week, in addition to eating most every other meal out. Neither of my brothers would recognize a savings account if it slapped them on the face for being so frivolous.

To them, life is meant to be enjoyed and cannot be enjoyed unless it’s a life of indulgence. No wish or whim should go untried (or “unbuyed�).

*
There is a happy medium, as we strive to live lives that are enjoyable and satisfying. A life without the occasional “just because� purchase just won’t do, so I encourage you to be like me, except without the “buying things simply because they’re on sale� part, only because it’ll leave you more money to spend on your next satisfying splurge!

indulge, splurge, indulgences, spoil yourself, money, saving, spending

Keep up to date by subscribing to Life Tips Daily’s feed!

(sam brown, explodingdog)

You didn’t study hard enough and as a result, you failed a test, you don’t end up doing what you dreamed you’d do career-wise, you failed to stand up for what you personally believe in at a critical moment, you put those 25 pounds it took you a year to lose back on in four months, you yelled at the kids for no reason except your own personal frustration with some aspect of your life, you made a financially unsound/uninformed decision and lost your savings as a result. When things like this happen, you’re left feeling disappointed in yourself and this can be very difficult to deal with. You’ve let yourself down and there is nobody to blame but you.

The Pollyanna in all of us (or if we’re lucky enough to call Pollyanna friend) would say “Don’t let it get you down! Pick yourself up and keep on moving! The sun will come out tomorrow” and other positive sentiments but it’s not always that easy. Some of these self disappointments are easier to get over than others, due to the relatively small impact they have on your present or future, but how do you deal with more life-altering events that will have a more permanent place in your history?

Accept it
Yes, it happened, no it can’t be changed or erased. And that’s it. On to the next step.

Analyze it (constructively)
It can be hard to rehash past events but do so clinically, as if you’re looking on the situation as a bystander and take advantage of hindsight. Are there any obvious mistakes that you made that can be avoided for next time? Did you underestimate/not plan for something that you should have? Or was this result somewhat unavoidable or inevitable? This won’t be a comfortable process but if done right, it can lead to greater insight about yourself, and with this knowledge you can ensure that future goals or plans are executed the way you want them to be.

Learn from it
Apparently you’re doomed to repeat past mistakes if you don’t take the time to determine why or how it can be avoided in the future, so I suggest you do this. This is the main goal when you end up in a situation that you didn’t expect or plan for, that result in consequences that you must deal with: learn from it. There is no point dwelling on what brought you to this point since it has happened and cannot be changed (and you already dwelt on it-constructively-in the previous step!). Instead, look the consequence(s) in the face and invoke your inner Pollyanna: see how you can find the good in it. Sure, it’s not what you intended or expected, hoped or dreamed of but you’re still alive and it’s what is. Use it as your new starting point to get to your next goal, or to get back to the original goal.

*
By looking at your disappointment and taking the steps to change it for the better or avoid making the same mistake, you will positively impact your life and be an inspiration to others who go through the same. And hopefully you’ll look back on your past disappointment and see it didn’t ruin your life afterall.

life, life tips, dealing with disappointment, disappointment, let down, self

Keep up to date by subscribing to Life Tips Daily’s feed!