Life Tips Daily

If, like me, you have a feeling that this year is going to be the best year of your life, try this exercise with me and review the past month. By reviewing the first month of the year, you may be able to see where your good intentions (also known as New Year’s resolutions) didn’t quite hold and how you can adjust them so that they will work better. What am I talking about? Well try the following and see if it helps you feel more in control of the new year.

Review your goals
If you made resolutions for the entire year, but find that nothing you did in January really contributed toward those goals, perhaps it’s time to consider making two lists: one of your overall goals for the year, and one that includes a breakdown of what you will do each month to work towards the greater goal. A good example is weight loss: if your goal is to lose 40 pounds by the end of the year, you may feel like it’s ok that you didn’t have much success in the first month because you have 11 more months to get on track. However, you may also discover that if you don’t give yourself a monthly goal related to weight loss, by the time November comes around, you will still have 40 pounds to lose! Instead, set monthly goals that are baby steps towards the big goal. For the weight loss example, this could involve walking 30 minutes a day, or planning to lose four pounds every month.

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We’re only one week into the new year, and perhaps instead of being inspired by a new year, you find yourself seeking something to excite you: a resolution you’ll be motivated to keep, or a project you’d like to tackle. Well you’ve come to the right place! Below are four things that you can use to inspire you in the new year.

Other people
Talk to friends and family members and find out what they are looking forward to in the new year. Read the blogs of your favourite writers. You may discover something that you forgot that you also find exciting, or your memory might be jogged by something from someone else, even if it’s something completely different from your own goal.

Magazines and books
One thing that is inevitable about January magazines is they will be full of ways to help you accomplish resolutions, from saving money to losing weight. Magazine headlines will try to grab your attention by using words that make you believe there is new information that you don’t know and perhaps by reading an article or two, you’ll discover something new and inspirational.

Similarly, reading a book, even one that isn’t of the self help variety, can get your thoughts churning, and perhaps you’ll be suddenly tempted to start saving money for a trip to Tuscany, or for cooking lessons, or to learn all that you can about crocheting. Go for it!

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Most people of school age, or parents of school age children, have the opportunity to look at the fall season as the beginning of a new year: a new school year. Even those who are in the workforce can see the fall as the beginning of something new as the cooler weather often brings with it changes with respect to dress code, the end of summer hours or new projects that are launched.

Take a moment to reflect on the next few months, until the new year starts in January: what are your goals as the calendar winds to an end? How would you like to remember 2007? Is there anything you wanted to do this year that you haven’t quite gotten to? Make time for it: you have three months!

Following yesterday’s article about SparkPeople, I received this in my inbox from a daily SparkPeople email:

Understanding happiness

Happiness is a state of mind, not a way of life or a destination that you’ll reach one day. Bumps in the road of life are to be expected, and we cannot let them ruin our days. We often think that if a combination of factors would just fall into place THEN we would finally be happy. Satisfaction can only come from within, through truly accepting yourself, your life, and your circumstances. During this life you’ll have many hard days–long work days, sleepless nights, worrying about the future, etc. This week, think about the joys of your life. Find creative ways to enjoy the little bumps in the road.

I encourage you to read it, think about it, then live it!

While away for an overnight trip with friends, the heavy rain prevented us from enjoying the lake. Instead, we enjoyed plenty of junk food and conversation that centered on heavy topics including rape and abortion, but also the idea of faith (religion) or beliefs.

I believe in God, although I’ll be the first to admit that my faith wavers. I don’t think I need to beat anybody over the head with this faith, but I do think my life should be a living testimony of my faith. Unfortunately, I don’t find that it is, and that is because instead of praying regularly and in doing so developing my relationship with God, I pray most when I’m worried (although I make a point to pray when I am grateful too), and I reserve my bible reading for Sundays. I truly believe that if I read my bible more often, I would feel more comfortable with my faith, and be more likely to live it everyday.

Something that is difficult for people to accept is that some faiths are very direct in saying that people of a different faith will go to hell if they continue with their religion. One of my friends found this phrasing offensive, and I can see her point: in our politically correct society, someone who seems to be condemning is not going to be popular.

But think about it: if someone truly believed that all religions lead to heaven, then why would they be so attached to their own particular religion? I’d like to believe that people continue practicing the faith of their parents because they believe in it more than the other options around. If not, there is no point to practice it in my opinion.

Another discussion point was the idea of whether or not it’s fair that God allows this, or allows that. I do not have an answer for this except for one that may seem like a non-answer: God is not human so I cannot put upon Him the qualities that I expect humans to have or understand. What humans define as fair or not is limited–we do not see the big picture, we do not understand why everything happens. I feel quite inadequate, therefore, trying to decide what is fair or unfair. This doesn’t mean I don’t cry out with “it’s not fair!” when things good people die young, but I do realize that I can’t question something I don’t fully understand, and I don’t think we’re meant to fully understand how God works.

If questions like this intrigue you, you may want to visit Allison at Finding Religion.

belief, faith, belief in God, religion

The title is from a song whose chorus goes:

Every life first the sun then the night falls
We’re all on borrowed time
I’ll never say goodbye
Take your time live your life like it’s last call
Don’t wanna see you cry
We’ll never say goodbye

When somebody dies we are reminded of our own mortality. We’re reminded to live every day to the fullest because we don’t know if it will be our last. It’s very scary to think that you may not live to see tomorrow, or your plans for next week, but that is the way life is (a trite answer, perhaps but a very true one).

I would like to challenge you as I challenge myself to live each day to the fullest. It is far too easy to get caught up in the full time job, the part time job, children, friends, moving from one activity to another, trying to earn more money, save more money, volunteering your time to everyone and everything, that you may not have taken any time to examine your life and see what it’s like. Do you enjoy your life? Are there moments of quiet mingled in with the bustle? If you find time to volunteer for certain causes, are you making sure that you are equally generous with your time and/or money to the friends and family around you?

Needless to say, this last point strikes a huge chord within me. I have a large family and there isn’t a day that goes by where I’m not snapping at, or scrapping with at at least one of them, yet I am able to go to work and be cordial and friendly with my coworkers. I hold the door for complete strangers and smile at people I don’t know on the bus. It seems I save my very worst behaviour for my “loved ones”. If my time were to be up tonight, would I be proud of their last memory of me?

Absolutely not.

My challenge then, is to treat each day as if it were your last. Tell your loved ones that you love them-and show it! Be more generous (God has given me so much, and I’m often too busy trying to get more to actually take stock of it. Taking stock of your blessings might be the first step). Smile more. Spend more time with your family, instead of shutting them out with the television or computer.

We’re all on borrowed time.

life, death, loved ones, live your life

When a family member or close friend dies, you may find yourself experiencing disbelief and grief simultaneously: even as you are absorbing the reality of the news, and reacting to it, it can be hard to imagine that somebody’s life is over. That they will never wake up again, feel the sunshine, send an email, argue with you.

Nobody can tell you how you should deal with grief and sorrow. Some people cry, some become extremely quiet and withdrawn. Others write about their sorrow, or are galvanized into action, and vow to never forget the death.

The best healer of sorrow is time, the one thing we cannot control. Although time passes, memories remain and with time these memories can be reviewed without triggering pain alone. We learn to accept the loss, although we may still feel the deep emotions associated with it.

Our family lost a cousin yesterday, a young man who was hardworking and God-fearing. Although I will never see him again, I wanted to let him know how I felt about him and I did here. However you decide to deal with grief, may it bring peace to you and your family.

Ms. Lysanne Brault, Certified Professional Coach, was kind enough to grant Life Tips Daily an interview. Ms. Brault’s personal website, LB Coaching Vision, an easy to navigate site in soothing shades of blue, invite you to relax and feel at ease, and her friendly smile doesn’t hurt either. A life coach under the International Coach Federation, Ms. Brault has been a life coach for two years. After careers in urban analysis, real estate development, and organizational development, Ms. Brault herself sought the services of a life coach and it was through this process that she discovered her current career path. She believes that until one experiences the benefits (from a consumer point of view) of life coaching, one can’t truly appreciate it, and it is this very topic that we spoke about.

Life coaching differs from other fields in that the “client” is healthy, whole and resourceful. Unlike a relationship with a consultant who is there to tell you how to make things work better, a life coach performs “inside out” work: Ms. Brault describes her role as “getting the juice out” of the individual, with the understanding that the expert is the client.

Ms. Brault’s website lists a number of reasons why one might consider hiring a life coach. Life coaches are helpful for people who feel there is a blockage in their life, something preventing them from reaching their full potential, or people who are unsure of what their visions and goals are, and whether their visions and goals are in sync with their personal values.

The majority of life coaching occurs on a one-on-one basis with individuals, although Ms. Brault also works with teams or groups. In the latter situation, her work is to help individuals realize the resources they have within themselves, and how these resources can best serve the larger group. In both cases Ms. Brault works with the individual to bring to fruit something already inside them: in a business-oriented environment, this may mean bringing out what will bring profit to the individual and the organization.
If you’re interested in meeting with a life coach, Ms. Brault is quick to reassure you that very little preparation is required: “Just bring your big luggage of courage and commitment!” she says with a laugh. She also stresses the importance of choosing a coach wisely, and being prepared to commit to a coach for at least three months, although a six month commitment is more realistic (most of her clients stay longer than six months).

Although clients are not required to provide their ages, Ms. Brault has coached a wide age range of clients (from approximately 18 to 65 years of age). She has a particular fondness for youth and is fascinated by how many new experiences youth have happening in their lives. She is working on a plan to reach out to local young adults from a life coaching point of view, since so few young adults are aware of what a life coach is, not to mention how a life coach could help them.

A common misconception about life coaches and life coaching is that the life coach has the answers and will release them when he or she is ready. However, the coach is there to ask deep questions: the client is in the driver’s seat at all times. Ms. Brault was quick to remind Life Tips Daily that nobody lets anyone have access to them unless they are ready to, and people will not see things until they are ready to see it. A good life coach can accelerate the process of self discovery; Ms. Brault describes this work as “manifesting their [the client, or individual’s] magnificence”.

So what can you expect from your first session with Ms. Brault? First you’ll have a casual conversation approximately 15-30 minutes in length, in person or on the phone, where she explains what life coaching is and you explain what you are looking for. The goal of this conversation is for both parties to come to an agreement about whether this partnership is right for them. During this meeting, the type of life coaching needed is also discussed. The next meeting, or first session, is face to face, usually a couple of hours long, and involves a more in-depth discussion of where you are and what areas of life you would like to move forward in. A general plan of action is usually the goal of this session, some coaching is done at this time, and a contract is signed. Following this meeting, you can expect 30 minute weekly meetings with Ms. Brault, primarily by telephone. This allows you to fit coaching into your schedule as you can call from home, work or anywhere you are.

Ms. Brault explained that one of the special gifts that life coaches like herself develop is the ability to listen at deeper levels. Most people listen at Level 1: we listen to words and we process them and formulate a response based on what we’ve heard. Level 2 listening involves the listener (life coach) asking the client questions about what he or she (the life coach) is being told, clarifying questions to ensure the client and the coach are on the same page at all times. This allows the client to clarify for him or herself what they are saying, and works to answer other questions such as: “What do you want?” Level 3 is an even deeper level of listening. Ms. Brault explains that she listens with all of her being and at all levels, totally present to all synchronicities-mind, heart and body are connected. The goal in coaching listening is to discover the truth for the client and ensure that individuals are or remain aligned with their true values.

Despite her expertise, Ms. Brault admits that clients still surprise her. She comes to each client without any judgments or preconceived notions, only a heart that is ready to listen at different levels, and she puts the flashlight on the client. Some of the discoveries that come from this process are surprising: the impact of life coaching on a client can affect and run into other aspects of their life, including relationships with others and this can move the process of self discovery along very quickly. As self-awareness improves through regular coaching sessions, waiting a week to share and explore all that has happened can seem an eternity!

The goal of Ms. Brault’s brand of life coaching is to use each person’s own unique resources to help develop a solid, grounded person. Through life coaching, you will realize how you work. Who can resist such an offer?

Lysanne Brault, life coach, life coaching, LB Coaching Vision, personal coaching, personal life coaching

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Tomorrow I will be sharing an interview that I did with a local life coach. Life coaching is a fascinating profession, and one that is not well understood.

I had some misconceptions about how life coaches work, who benefits from life coaching, and what type of person goes for life coaching. Needless to say, the interview has opened my eyes–a lot that I thought was true about this profession is not true at all.

If you remember, please check out the interview. And if you aren’t in the Ottawa area, search online for a life coach in your area. Good luck!

For more on coaching, check out the International Coach Federation’s website.

Yesterday, I explored the idea of being yourself. Here are some ways to make it happen:

Define your truth
What do you believe in? What do you care about? What do you know to be true in your life or about life in general? Write these things out, either literally or in your head. Make sure you know what you believe in–this will allow you to make sure that you live your life according to those values and ideas you hold dear.

Don’t fear conflict
Dialogue in loud voices (some call this yelling or screaming) is not always bad and destructive. Conflict can be detrimental but it can also be good for the purposes of helping one set up their individual truth and clearing the air. Conflict has a way of bringing to light things that you thought were resolved or no longer relevant.

Don’t care (so much)
I’m not advocating you embrace your inner unfeeling robot but you need not always care so much about somebody else’s opinion. You may find as you try to do what you think is right, and follow your own rules and what seems right to you, you may meet people who disagree with you, or want to let you know what they think of what you’re doing. Try not to take every critique personally (and there will be critiques, especially if you’re going against the grain). Adopt the “I don’t care (so much) what others think” mentality. No matter what you do, people will always talk or have an opinion on how you can do it better so stop allowing these changeable opinions to rule you.

Do what you love
How can you be true to yourself if you are doing something you hate, or something you are actually opposed to? (Answer: you really can’t). Perhaps the alternative (homelessness) keeps you working at a job you detest, and you don’t see any release from this job in sight. If leaving an uncomfortable situation is not an option, consider adding something that you do enjoy doing to your life, so you have something to look forward to or to distract you from your unideal situation.

If you have a clear idea of what you want, and can afford to leave an unpleasant situation, do it! Moments of self doubt may occur but once you get into the new rhythm, things are usually better, despite being perhaps initially more stressful than the previous situation. You’ll derive a lot more pleasure from doing something you truly feel passionate about.
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Following one’s passion and being true to yourself is not easy and may require you to step out of your comfort zone and face fears that you’ve hidden from. Have you ever had to make a drastic change in your life to be true to you?

authentic, real, authentic sefl, true self, true colors

You’d think it would be easy to be yourself since you have the most experience with that person but for some, it is no easy feat.

That is because they are used to stifling, denying or refusing to explore who they truly are. There may be some shame or embarassment involved in recognizing who they are. Or, they know who or what they want to be and try desperately to make the image in their head match the image that is presented to the world. This tactic can work for months, weeks, or even years, but eventually, something will snap or trigger the revelation of one’s true colours. I refuse to believe that many people can sustain an act forever.

Humans are not clones of each other. We were created with the ability to think and reason for ourselves. We look different from each other aside from some basic physical traits. We can experience things differently, and even have different reactions to the same event. Since humans are not clones of one another, nor are they supposed to be, diversity and richness in the world should be encouraged: you might learn something from somebody, or when the insight of someone you had disregarded totally jars you, it can send you off in an entirely different direction.

So, how do you figure out who you are? Please share. Hopefully tomorrow’s tips will help.

The act of forgiveness comes fairly easily to me, probably because there is some selfishness involved in forgiveness (and I invented that word!). Of course, it’s easier to forgive after receiving an apology (to learn what makes a good apology, see here), but did you know it’s possible to forgive without receiving an apology?

Why forgive? It’s good for the soul (and your health and mood)!
If you have ever been wronged, you know how awful it feels. Think back to the last really painful experience you had: did you hold a grudge? If so, how did you feel during the days, weeks and months of this grudge? If you can honestly say you experienced no negative physical or mental effects, then you’re the exception. When you’re at odds with somebody, even if you are innocent in the entire affair, the toll on you can be great: you may even feel physically ill. Your sleep might be disturbed, your thoughts may be occupied with the matter and your mood affected too. You may think it’s the situation that’s making you feel so horrible but oftentimes it’s your reaction (including grudge holding) to the situation that’s contributing to the emotional and physical effects.

And the worst part: imagine if the person you’re holding a grudge against isn’t even aware that you’re upset! That might even make you even more angry and prolong the negative effects, but hopefully this highlights why holding a grudge isn’t always a beneficial exercise.

With all these potential negative effects on you, it’s easy to see why forgiving might be the best solution: you free yourself from the physical and emotional weight that you’d be likely to experience otherwise.

What if your forgiveness is not requested?
In a perfect world, when somebody wrongs you, you’d tell them what they did (if they were not already aware), and they’d apologize. How often does that happen? Most times people want to explain why they feel justified in their actions, or they want to say how your reaction to their rude action made them mad! Some people are stubborn and would rather die than admit they made a mistake, admit they are wrong, and as a result will never apologize or ask someone to forgive them after wronging them.

If you are ever in a situation with somebody like this, you’ll be happy to know that you don’t have to hold on to the negative feelings forever: simply tell yourself that the situation happened and can’t be changed so you choose to let it go. It doesn’t mean the wrong disappears, or you become friends with the person without receiving an apology (or suitable response), but it does mean you return the power for your own happiness to yourself, and refuse to let your feelings depend on the whims of somebody who may or may not decide to ever speak to you again.

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Forgiveness does not mean you agree with the actions of the person you are forgiving, nor does it mean the person being forgiven needs to be made aware of your decision to forgive them. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you deny what happened or forget it, but you do choose not to let it rule your life. When you choose not to harbour grudges or ill will, and instead forgive, you free yourself to enjoy life more fully.

forgiveness, forgiving, grudges, anger, forgive, grudge

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So, why are some people never on time? Most people will have a reason that does not implicate them fully but tardiness is a self inflicted infection. Here are some ways to mimize it:

Book fewer things
If your days are crammed with things to do, and the chance of everything being accomplished on time depends on everything running smoothly, then you’re likely overbooked. Try removing one or two things from your daily list of errands and see if that makes you more on time.

Overestimate the time needed for things
How many times has someone called you, tardy person extraordinaire, to inquire where you are. Don’t you always say you’re “five minutes” away from where you’re supposed to be? Five minutes is never actually five minutes; it could be anywhere from 15 minutes to hours. When tempted to give a time estimate, give yourself more time rather than less. Instead of saying you’re 20 minutes away, try saying 30 or 40 minutes. if you’re not too far gone in the tardy department, doubling the time you usually say should be a more accurate calculation. And on the bright side: if you do arrive earlier than planned, everyone will be happy (unless, of course, you are the recipient of a surprise party).

Plan backwards
You need to be at the party at 5pm but you have other things to do. Start by figuring out how much time you need to get to where you’re going, add a cushion of 10-15 minutes, and working backwards, fit in all the other things that need to be done, again adding a cushion of a few minutes. A plan is great but don’t forget to follow it: wear a watch and put measures into place that will keep you on time, even if it means setting alarms to remind you when you should be moving on to a different task.

Buddy system
If you are always late for events, pair up with someone who is also attending (preferably someone who is always on time!). Give them the authority to keep you in line and on time. After a few times with your punctual friend, you’ll have a better idea of things that work and things that don’t with respect to ensuring that you’re on time.

What tips keep you on time?

late, tardy, tardiness, lateness, being on time, on time

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Tardiness can seem like an incurable disease at times: even when you start preparing for an event 2 hours earlier than you started the time before (when you arrived late), you still end up being late! If this is a regular occurence, never fear: it is possible to find the punctual person within, but first you have to figure out why you’re late.

Many years ago, Dr. Phil chastized a chronically late person, telling her that she was deliberately late (even if she didn’t make the conscious decision before each event that she ended up being late to) because she believed that nothing would start until her arrival. Some people who are late regularly are somewhat selfish, not thinking of how the person waiting on them might feel, but rather focusing on whether being late will affect their own enjoyment of an event. In cases like this it is advised that those who are ready and waiting start the activity as planned, even if the tardy person is not there, and even if the tardy person was supposed to be a part of the event. Unless you receive a call saying that the tardy indivdiual has extenuating circumstances resulting in a tardy arrival, there is no good excuse to be chronically late.

It is also possible that someone is always late for an event because they find that on rare occasions when they happen to arrive on time, they are the ones tapping their foot impatiently while waiting for the stragglers to show up. Of course this is a vicious cycle: you show up late because you don’t want to have to wait for the action to begin only to find out that everyone was waiting for your arrival before starting the event, and when you show up on time and it’s someone else who is late…you get the idea.

Most people who are chronically tardy are also constantly apologizing. When you keep apologizing for the same thing, eventually people are going to start wondeirng why you don’t make a change to this habit you’re always apologizing for. Your apology then begins to lose its genuine and truly remorseful tone. This is another reason to explore the reasons why you’re never on time.

Are you prone to being tardy? Why do you think this is?

late, tardy, tardiness, lateness, being on time, on time

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I’m elbow and calf deep in papers, clothing, unused small kitchen appliances, purses, shoes and garbage bags.

No, I’m not moving, nor am I preparing for a garage sale. I’m simply cleaning my room.

My packrat tendencies are legendary; I hold on to everything. Although I graduated from university three years ago, I still have nearly every sheet of paper I ever wrote on and all of my textbooks. I tried earlier in the month to sell them back to the university for a fraction of their original value (and they were in mint condition too!) but nobody wanted them. I am now torn between keeping them for interest’s sake or donating them. In the meantime, before I go with option 2 (since decluttering is the ultimate goal), I will see if I have better luck selling the textbooks in the fall.

After hours of cleaning, this is what my closet currently looks like (do not judge me quite yet; the rest of the room is much worse):

There is much left to do.

Your Turn: What room/area of your home is most resistant to staying clean and/or organized?