Life Tips Daily

Are you one of those people who has an opinion and has been known to share it, even when it’s unsolicited? Join the club! I don’t care so much about the decisions of strangers or coworkers that I am not close to, but when a friend sits me down and tells me something that I think should be handled differently, it’s all I can do not to yell “That is a terrible idea/You don’t look good in that/I think you’re crazy (stupid, disorganized, slow, boring)!!!” at the top of my lungs.

Sadly (although it would be so satisfying to let everyone know what is on the tip of my tongue just once), I wasn’t raised to yell out these inappropriate things simply because I feel like doing so. That’s right: my father taught me the art of being diplomatic.

Diplomacy is the art of being diplomatic and diplomatic? Well let’s let the dictionary do the work for us:

Diplomacy: 1 : the art and practice of conducting negotiations between nations. 2 : skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility : TACT
(Merriam-Webster Online)

Diplomatic people get their point across without ruffling feathers but if feathers are ruffled, they are done so as kindly as possible. You are still telling someone something they may not want to hear, but hopefully you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t make them feel terrible unncessarily. Instead of telling a friend her haircut and hair colour makes her look like an ageing and balding yellow rat, you may instead tell her that you think a darker colour and/or a less choppy cut and style would better suit her features. Both are true, one just says things in a much more friendly and helpful way (and hopefully prevents your friend from drowning herself that night in the bath!).

If you are struggling to keep your harsher than necessary words inside, think of the following:

Is your comment constructive?
Telling someone that their significant other sucks, their project isn’t good or that they drive poorly does not help. Instead it puts the other person on the defensive. Instead, try to give some context to your words, perhaps explaining why you have difficulty relating to their significant other, for example. Sure there may still be some defensiveness, but usually if the person can see that your motives are at least somewhat constructive, the chance of your message getting across is much greater.

What is the true reason behind your unpleasant response
Sometimes you may find that problems going on in your personal life or another problem (or, dare I say it, grudge?) with someone prevents you from responding appreopiately because you are actually angry at them for another reason. If this is the case, sort out problem A (this may mean having to tell the person that you’re angry with them because they may not even be aware of this) before providing tactless, unhelpful and undiplomatic responses to question or problem B.

Better to be silent for a spell than undiplomatic?
There is nothing wrong with taking a moment or two to formulate a reply. In fact, this is a great way to avoid saying something you either don’t mean to say or don’t want to say. Pretend the thing you want to react to is a meal that you have to fully devour before you can comment on it. Taking the time to check what comes out of your mouth is one of the best ways to ensure that your replies remain diplomatic.

I’m sure there are other tongue biting tips but these are the ones that work for me. What works for you?

biting your tongue, being diplomatic, diplomatic, diplomacy, tact