Life Tips Daily

My part time job is wonderful: I work with a bunch of fun, friendly females in the retail sector. As long as the work gets done and the customers are served, I see nothing wrong with enjoying some banter and converstion with coworkers while at work. However, there are only three or four coworkers with whom I can work and talk to at the same time: the other coworkers either do the bare minimum to get by, or stand there yakking away while I work–and they don’t feel bad watching me run around the store trying to tidy things as they stand there, leaning on the counter, chewing gum, talking or sending and receiving text messages on their cell phones.

Oh, and complaining: “the day is going by so slowly”…”I’m bored”…”there are no customers”. Any attempts on my part to stop the litany of boredom by pointing out that even without customers we have a lot to do is ignored (there is always tidying, cleaning, filling of products to be done). My dilemma in a (rather large) nutshell: some of my coworkers stand around doing nothing and refuse to pull their own weight, resulting in me rushing around trying to get work meant for two people done. A side complaint is that since this is shift work, it often turns out that people working the earlier shift, for no good reason at all, didn’t accomplish their tasks and these tasks get passed on to the evening shift (of which I am a part) and I have three hours to finish work that the day shifters have 8 hours to complete.

What would you do? Would you tell the manager that these people are not pulling their own weight? I don’t mind being a tattletale but I think it’s ridiculous to even have to contemplate such a thing and so I basically refuse to. Instead, I’d love suggestions on how I can reach out to these coworkers. I want people to come to work and…work! I’d like complaints to be left at home and a willingness to work brought instead. It’s not hard or stressful work and time goes by so much faster if one is working rather than standing around whining about how slow the day or evening is going.

Please speak up!

coworkers, lazy, coworker dispute, pulling your own weight, lazy coworkers, how to motivate

Not sure if your friendship is about to end? If you experience any of the following all of a sudden, a talk with your friend is likely in order and may just save things before it all goes down the drain:

• A sudden lack of response to emails, phone calls or text messages (and you know your friend is not sick, out of the country, dead, or dealing with a complicated issue)
• Cancelling or breaking of plans or a sudden unavailability to do things (even when you tell your friend to pick the date, any date)
• Your friend does not remember any of the special dates in your life (birthdays, anniversaries) that s/he previously remembered without a problem
• You hear secrets you only told him or her in confidence coming back to you from other people
• Others know more about him or her than you do

end of friendship, friendship over, friend, friends,

Are you one of those people who has an opinion and has been known to share it, even when it’s unsolicited? Join the club! I don’t care so much about the decisions of strangers or coworkers that I am not close to, but when a friend sits me down and tells me something that I think should be handled differently, it’s all I can do not to yell “That is a terrible idea/You don’t look good in that/I think you’re crazy (stupid, disorganized, slow, boring)!!!” at the top of my lungs.

Sadly (although it would be so satisfying to let everyone know what is on the tip of my tongue just once), I wasn’t raised to yell out these inappropriate things simply because I feel like doing so. That’s right: my father taught me the art of being diplomatic.

Diplomacy is the art of being diplomatic and diplomatic? Well let’s let the dictionary do the work for us:

Diplomacy: 1 : the art and practice of conducting negotiations between nations. 2 : skill in handling affairs without arousing hostility : TACT
(Merriam-Webster Online)

Diplomatic people get their point across without ruffling feathers but if feathers are ruffled, they are done so as kindly as possible. You are still telling someone something they may not want to hear, but hopefully you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t make them feel terrible unncessarily. Instead of telling a friend her haircut and hair colour makes her look like an ageing and balding yellow rat, you may instead tell her that you think a darker colour and/or a less choppy cut and style would better suit her features. Both are true, one just says things in a much more friendly and helpful way (and hopefully prevents your friend from drowning herself that night in the bath!).

If you are struggling to keep your harsher than necessary words inside, think of the following:

Is your comment constructive?
Telling someone that their significant other sucks, their project isn’t good or that they drive poorly does not help. Instead it puts the other person on the defensive. Instead, try to give some context to your words, perhaps explaining why you have difficulty relating to their significant other, for example. Sure there may still be some defensiveness, but usually if the person can see that your motives are at least somewhat constructive, the chance of your message getting across is much greater.

What is the true reason behind your unpleasant response
Sometimes you may find that problems going on in your personal life or another problem (or, dare I say it, grudge?) with someone prevents you from responding appreopiately because you are actually angry at them for another reason. If this is the case, sort out problem A (this may mean having to tell the person that you’re angry with them because they may not even be aware of this) before providing tactless, unhelpful and undiplomatic responses to question or problem B.

Better to be silent for a spell than undiplomatic?
There is nothing wrong with taking a moment or two to formulate a reply. In fact, this is a great way to avoid saying something you either don’t mean to say or don’t want to say. Pretend the thing you want to react to is a meal that you have to fully devour before you can comment on it. Taking the time to check what comes out of your mouth is one of the best ways to ensure that your replies remain diplomatic.

I’m sure there are other tongue biting tips but these are the ones that work for me. What works for you?

biting your tongue, being diplomatic, diplomatic, diplomacy, tact

The act of forgiveness comes fairly easily to me, probably because there is some selfishness involved in forgiveness (and I invented that word!). Of course, it’s easier to forgive after receiving an apology (to learn what makes a good apology, see here), but did you know it’s possible to forgive without receiving an apology?

Why forgive? It’s good for the soul (and your health and mood)!
If you have ever been wronged, you know how awful it feels. Think back to the last really painful experience you had: did you hold a grudge? If so, how did you feel during the days, weeks and months of this grudge? If you can honestly say you experienced no negative physical or mental effects, then you’re the exception. When you’re at odds with somebody, even if you are innocent in the entire affair, the toll on you can be great: you may even feel physically ill. Your sleep might be disturbed, your thoughts may be occupied with the matter and your mood affected too. You may think it’s the situation that’s making you feel so horrible but oftentimes it’s your reaction (including grudge holding) to the situation that’s contributing to the emotional and physical effects.

And the worst part: imagine if the person you’re holding a grudge against isn’t even aware that you’re upset! That might even make you even more angry and prolong the negative effects, but hopefully this highlights why holding a grudge isn’t always a beneficial exercise.

With all these potential negative effects on you, it’s easy to see why forgiving might be the best solution: you free yourself from the physical and emotional weight that you’d be likely to experience otherwise.

What if your forgiveness is not requested?
In a perfect world, when somebody wrongs you, you’d tell them what they did (if they were not already aware), and they’d apologize. How often does that happen? Most times people want to explain why they feel justified in their actions, or they want to say how your reaction to their rude action made them mad! Some people are stubborn and would rather die than admit they made a mistake, admit they are wrong, and as a result will never apologize or ask someone to forgive them after wronging them.

If you are ever in a situation with somebody like this, you’ll be happy to know that you don’t have to hold on to the negative feelings forever: simply tell yourself that the situation happened and can’t be changed so you choose to let it go. It doesn’t mean the wrong disappears, or you become friends with the person without receiving an apology (or suitable response), but it does mean you return the power for your own happiness to yourself, and refuse to let your feelings depend on the whims of somebody who may or may not decide to ever speak to you again.

-
Forgiveness does not mean you agree with the actions of the person you are forgiving, nor does it mean the person being forgiven needs to be made aware of your decision to forgive them. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you deny what happened or forget it, but you do choose not to let it rule your life. When you choose not to harbour grudges or ill will, and instead forgive, you free yourself to enjoy life more fully.

forgiveness, forgiving, grudges, anger, forgive, grudge

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So if money saving is your game, you may want to start with this entry, or perhaps this one.

Here are a few more money saving tips.

Go for the less expensive alternative
While some people can tell the difference between a brand name product and a non-brand name when it comes to food and drinks, it may be more difficult to tell the difference between two dishwashing liquids, laundry detergents, or 100% cotton black socks. Decide what you must have in the more expensive form and any other things that you aren’t so picky about, switch to the less expensive version. Most stores now proudly display their store brand alternatives alongside the well-known brand name in the hopes you’ll give the cheaper alternative a try. Why not try it: if you can tell the difference, switch back but if it’s all the same to you, or if you like the store brand better, bonus!

Keep in mind how quickly little purchases add up
In the last entry, I mentioned how it pays to think twice about making large purchases but what about those regular purchases that you make without thinking about it (them)? Gourmet coffee, the afternoon donut, candies to keep the sweet tooth alive and well, these are all things that become more habit than satisfying a biological need (I will argue feebly that subduing my sweet tooth is now a biological need). Keep a running tally on how much you spend in one week on these little things: one dollar here, two dollars there, and you may find you’re losing upwards of $20 a week!

Never buy anything marked at full price
This tip is related to thinking twice before buying something: tell yourself that you can’t even consider buying something until it is discounted by a certain amount: perhaps 25% will be your magic number. Feel free to keep a careful eye on the item, checking regularly as the price drops (and we know prices drop, it’s only a matter of time). And as often happens, the waiting process will force you to evaluate how badly you want the item and you might find the item slips off your “to buy” list.

Let me know what you think of these tips, and if you have any foolproof money saving tips.

money, spending less, saving, money saving, saving money wealth

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So you want to save money, do you? Yesterday I explained why more money earned=more money saved is not always true. Today I share some easy money saving tips, some you may already be doing.

Automate it!
Your banking, that is. If you haven’t embraced the world of online banking, make a trip to your bank and set up the following:

• a savings account
• a chequing account

Most people have their employer pay them directly into their chequing account. If that is the case, arrange to have some of each paycheque transferred out of your chequing account into your savings account (how much you decide to transfer out will depend on the bills you have to pay) on a regular basis. You won’t even miss it. Those wanting to go a step further might consider preventing access to their savings account through the debit (ATM/interac) card. This will help curb most impulse buys as you will have to either go online and transfer the money electronically or visit the bank and arrange the transfer of funds before you can spend it. After a while you may even forget that the money in your savings account is accessible, and start living within the boundaries of your chequing account.

Give yourself an allowance
Related to the first point, this involves sitting down and creating a list of necessary weekly/monthly expenditures, including room for ‘treats’ and creating a realistic budget from this information. You can then make sure that only money for your budgetted expenditures is available for your spending pleasure. I know this is a great idea in theory but my penchant for impulsive purchases has led to my not implementing this one yet.

Think twice before making any big purchases
While small impulsive purchases do add up over time, if you are prone to making large impulse buys, you may want to set up a system whereby purchases over a certain amount need 24 hours thought or the creation of a ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ list. The hope is that thinking twice (or thrice) will reduce the number of purchases you make, and the regret that follows when you see your dwinding bank accounts.

I’ve got a few more tips in me but I’ll share those another day. What are your (no brainer) money saving tips?

money, saving, money saving, saving money wealth

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