Life Tips Daily

If you are somebody that had a small group of close friends in highschool, and kept to yourself in college or university, and lost touch with your highschool friends, it is very possible to find yourself in a situation where you are a university graduate and have no close friends. Sure, you have work colleagues, or former classmates or highschool friends that you could call up for coffee or to go shopping, but who do you call when you just want to talk? Who do you turn to when you want to talk to someone who knows your history?

Siblings and parents might be your only bet.

Today’s question is simple: If you are a shy person who finds themself friendless, how do you go about making new friends? My instinctive reply is to suggest volunteering or going back to school (to pursue a new degree/diploma) as a way of meeting new people who hopefully share similar interests, or going online to meet people who share similar interests, but unfortunately the latter option is not one that my friend is willing to consider.

What would you suggest?

friendless, no friends, making friends

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Yesterday’s Globe and Mail’s Life section included an article on frenemies, or ambivalent friends. These are the people in your lives that equally anger or frustrate and make you happy. The article gives a couple of examples of comments that frenemies may make:

Did you see Nancy Grace is pregnant at 48? Wow, I guess it’s not too late for you after all!

Having a frenemy might be something that you don’t give much thought to, but according to some in this article, keeping such people in your life is bad for your health, specifically for your heart.

Life is too short to hang on to these sorts of friends. If the net feeling from your friendship is anxiety, low self esteem and a lack of value as a person, it is time to give the friendship serious thought. Sure, your friend can be the very sweetest person alive but when you have to trade a moment of sweetness for a sly dig or insult, is it really worth it? Friends should make you happy more often than they leave you emotionally distressed. They should build you up rather than building you up only to tear you down with back handed compliments that sound ok until you replay them in your head.

I am blessed to not have any frenemies in the sense that this article describes, although I do have a friend or two who drives me nuts just as often as they make me happy. If there aren’t more good times than bad times, these friendship may need some careful examination…for the sake of my physical health!

Who in your life is being the perfect frenemy? Why do you keep him or her around? It might be time to relegate this person to acquaintance status, if not get rid of them altogether (note: I am not advocating murder!). The article includes the link to a site started by somebody who has frenemies but hasn’t yet confronted them, My Frienemies. The site defines what appears to be many different kinds of frenemies. The list of types of frenemies includes:

• Drunks
• Hostile-Aggressives
• Indecisives
• Know-It-All-Experts
• Lazys
• Liars
• Negativists
• One Uppers
• Paranoids
• Pathological Liars
• Users

Check out the site to read the definitions of these types of frenemies, or to see more categories of frenemies, and share your experiences with frenemies you have or have had in the past, if you dare.

friends, enemies, frenemies, frienemies, ambivalent friends

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I am reading two books right now and I would really love to be able to take some time off from my job and simply read–and absorb the truths that these books have to offer.

As I mentioned on Getting Crafty, I am reading Make Your Creative Dreams Real. Yesterday I started reading Rich by Thirty because quite frankly, who wouldn’t like to be more financially stable? Who wouldn’t like to retire while they still have the energy to enjoy retired life? And who wouldn’t like to be able to spoil their parents or other family members (hopefully this is also a rhetorical question!)?

At first glance, the two books don’t seem very related: you may think I’m reading one book for one website, and one book for the other. However, if you think on it for a moment, you’ll see that if you are able to discover your creative dream, if you can find that one (two, three, eleven) thing(s) that drive(s) you and that you would like to explore, money may be necessary in order to realize the dream(s).

Learning how to manage money so you have enough to support your dreams is definitely a good thing. It is with this goal in mind that I have been reading both books quite avidly.

money, financial freedom, young and rich

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Yesterday, I introduced the idea that although the summer weather encourages more get togethers and social activities among friends and family, it does not necessarily lead to increased physical activity for everyone. It is actually possible to gain a significant amount of weight in the summer months (to find out how, see this entry).

Here are some ways to avoid weight gain and stay active despite the heat:

Exercise indoors
You sacrifice communing with nature but by exercising indoors you avoid the heat and humidity, which can have a fatiguing effect on you. Exercising in a cool room, preferably air conditioned, is a good way to ensure that you keep going at a high intensity without feeling like you’re going to die. Most if not all gyms in North America are air conditioned. If you exercise at home, you may want to relocate your treadmill or elliptical machine to the basement, or turn the fan on while exercising.

Dress in cool fabrics and materials
If you really can’t imagine getting your exercise anywhere but in the great outdoors, make your time outside as pleasant as possible. Dress in materials that “breathe”–if you’re a recreational exerciser, cotton may be fine, if you’re a more intense exerciser, you may want to look into synthetic materials known to wick sweat away from the body. Avoid wearing dark colours, as they attract the sun, and wear loose clothing that allows whatever breeze is present to circulate around your body.

Wear appropriate footwear
While for some, the first hint of sunshine is all that is needed before boots, sneakers or closed toe shoes are cast off, if you will be exercising, it is very important to ensure that you are wearing the proper footwear. The feet are often ignored and this is a shame because they truly do carry the rest of the body. If you will be running, it is important to keep wearing appropriate running shoes, if you’re walking or engaging in recreational sports, athletic sandals with good foot support should be adequate.

Link your dinner outings to more active plans such as dancing
When the sun is blazing, nobody wants to be slaving over a hot stove, so going out for dinner and having someone else cook while you sit in an air conditioned restaurant is always a treat. After a delicious meal, why not get a good start on burning the meal off by engaging in dancing? If you’re interested in learning new forms of dance, you can take lessons in paired dances such as the waltz, rhumba, salsa or merengue. If you prefer dance that doesn’t require a partner, why not try hip hop, jazz or tap dancing (and yes lessons in these dances are offered to adults!).

Earn your tan
Slather on the sunscreen and join a recreational beach volleyball team. Dedicate a day to volunteering for one of the many summer festivals that spring up. Garden. These are all fun ways to stay active and do something good–for yourself, the community or your neighbourhood.

There are a lot of other things you can do to exercise without succumbing to the heat. Try going for a swim, either indoors or outdoors, but beware: the sun’s rays reflecting off the water can lead to sunburns faster than you think. Also, if you’re swimming, you will need to re-apply your sunscreen as the water may wash most of it away. If your work commute isn’t too long, you may want to try walking or cycling to work. Or, go on a tourist’s tour of a place in your city you haven’t yet explored. Excursions such as the latter often guarantee a lot of walking.

summer exercise, exercise, summer weight, summer weight loss, lose weight in the summer, avoid summer fat, fat, summer

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While the summer sun and warm temperatures mean that more of us are out and about, unfortunately this does not mean that we’re being more active.

Between dinner and drink dates after work on the many patios around town, ice cream bars and other cold treats to keep cool in the summer heat, if a more active lifestyle isn’t embraced, the weight can pile on. Another reason why it’s easy to get heavier in the summer is the thing that makes summer so great–the heat. If you live somewhere where the humidity is high, or the sun’s rays are just too hot, it’s easy to avoid activities that will increase your perspiration and feelings of sweatiness, such as walking, jogging, and playing sports. This may lead to you staying inside your air conditioned home and watching television, which can lead to mindless snacking and even more weight gain

If you’re finding that the summer is not doing anything good for your waistline, tune in tomorrow for some tips to get (and keep) moving in the summer.

summer weight, summer weight loss, lose weight in the summer, avoid summer fat, fat, summer

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I have a friend who has a tendency to say yes to several events that are all set to occur at the same time. Once she realizes it, she ends up trying to attend all events and somehow manages to pull it off. I have been one of the events she had to squeeze into her busy schedule and I must admit knowing that you were just one of several stops does absolutely nothing to make you feel special.

Sometimes double booking is completely accidental and unavoidable because you have an equal desire to attend two events. In cases where both events are important, I think the involved parties would be understanding if they were told why you will be arriving late or leaving early.

My general rule is when I agree to a plan and a better plan comes along, it’s a case of “too bad” for me, unless the event is a once in a lifetime opportunity or an opportunity deemed Important with a capital I. In that case I tell the person that I will be cancelling on why I am cancelling, apologize for the inconvenience, and ask if s/he would be willing to reschedule. I really think it’s important to let the original person know why you have decided to change your plans with them, rather than having them wonder at your rudeness, or marvel that you picked a bowling tournament over their baby shower (not knowing that the tournament will raise money for a cause dear to your heart, or you will be receiving recognition at the event). People are generally understanding. I recently had to cancel plans to window shop with a friend when I discovered that the date of a birthday party for another friend had been switched and this new date was the only date that worked for everybody involved. My window shopping friend understood and all was well.

How about you? Have you ever double (triple, quadruple…) booked yourself for events? How did you manage it/them? What criteria do you use to determine how to handle the situation?
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If you have a real life dilemma that you’d like to be discussed on the Friday feature, please send it to jummy.lifetipsdaily@gmail.com.

double book, over booked, overbooked, doublebooked, plans, change of plan

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Yesterday, I explored the idea of being yourself. Here are some ways to make it happen:

Define your truth
What do you believe in? What do you care about? What do you know to be true in your life or about life in general? Write these things out, either literally or in your head. Make sure you know what you believe in–this will allow you to make sure that you live your life according to those values and ideas you hold dear.

Don’t fear conflict
Dialogue in loud voices (some call this yelling or screaming) is not always bad and destructive. Conflict can be detrimental but it can also be good for the purposes of helping one set up their individual truth and clearing the air. Conflict has a way of bringing to light things that you thought were resolved or no longer relevant.

Don’t care (so much)
I’m not advocating you embrace your inner unfeeling robot but you need not always care so much about somebody else’s opinion. You may find as you try to do what you think is right, and follow your own rules and what seems right to you, you may meet people who disagree with you, or want to let you know what they think of what you’re doing. Try not to take every critique personally (and there will be critiques, especially if you’re going against the grain). Adopt the “I don’t care (so much) what others think” mentality. No matter what you do, people will always talk or have an opinion on how you can do it better so stop allowing these changeable opinions to rule you.

Do what you love
How can you be true to yourself if you are doing something you hate, or something you are actually opposed to? (Answer: you really can’t). Perhaps the alternative (homelessness) keeps you working at a job you detest, and you don’t see any release from this job in sight. If leaving an uncomfortable situation is not an option, consider adding something that you do enjoy doing to your life, so you have something to look forward to or to distract you from your unideal situation.

If you have a clear idea of what you want, and can afford to leave an unpleasant situation, do it! Moments of self doubt may occur but once you get into the new rhythm, things are usually better, despite being perhaps initially more stressful than the previous situation. You’ll derive a lot more pleasure from doing something you truly feel passionate about.
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Following one’s passion and being true to yourself is not easy and may require you to step out of your comfort zone and face fears that you’ve hidden from. Have you ever had to make a drastic change in your life to be true to you?

authentic, real, authentic sefl, true self, true colors

You’d think it would be easy to be yourself since you have the most experience with that person but for some, it is no easy feat.

That is because they are used to stifling, denying or refusing to explore who they truly are. There may be some shame or embarassment involved in recognizing who they are. Or, they know who or what they want to be and try desperately to make the image in their head match the image that is presented to the world. This tactic can work for months, weeks, or even years, but eventually, something will snap or trigger the revelation of one’s true colours. I refuse to believe that many people can sustain an act forever.

Humans are not clones of each other. We were created with the ability to think and reason for ourselves. We look different from each other aside from some basic physical traits. We can experience things differently, and even have different reactions to the same event. Since humans are not clones of one another, nor are they supposed to be, diversity and richness in the world should be encouraged: you might learn something from somebody, or when the insight of someone you had disregarded totally jars you, it can send you off in an entirely different direction.

So, how do you figure out who you are? Please share. Hopefully tomorrow’s tips will help.

During important life events, such as weddings, births of children, birthdays and the like, it’s fairly natural and normal to say a lot of thank yous: you may be thanking people for their presence at the special event, for their help to make the event a success, or for a particularly useful or generous gift. Most people are somewhat inclined to express their thanks at these occasions.

But what about the more everyday favours and small gifts that we receive? Have we begun to take those for granted? I think so.

Working a a fairly large building with many doors and elevators, I’ve found that people take for granted that if you’re ahead of them, you will hold the door open for them. It’s perfectly fine for them to make this assumption, as really it doesn’t take anything to hold the door but I can’t deny that hearing a small ‘thank you’ expressed by the person who has walked through the door would not be remiss.

As a part time employee in the retail world, I find that customers can be slow to offer thanks too: it’s not uncommon for a cusotmer to try on a mountain of t-shirts after asking the employee to hunt about for various sizes and colours, and leave them all inside out and balled up in the corner of the fitting room floor and leave without a smile or an expression of appreciation for the employee’s time and aid.

What about those other things that we take for granted: the supportive friend, the parent who makes time for you when you want to talk, the good advice of your father? How often do you sit down and express gratitude for these things?

I’m not asking that one should suddenly begin thanking all and sundry for every little thing, but if somebody does something for you that you appreciate, say thank you. You might be surprised at how much those two words can make somebody’s day.

thanks, thank you, saying thank you

I was in a wedding party this past weekend and this got me thinking of some good advice for wedding guests.

Arrive early
Some people like to arrive at weddings 30 minutes or longer before. I see this as largely unnecessary unless you know the bride and groom or their families well enough and you expect they will be asking you to do any last minute things. Otherwise, arriving 10-15 minutes before the ceremony is expected to start is just perfect. This gives you just enough time to find a seat, mingle with some friends or acquaintances that are also at the event, and get your camera ready to snap some photos.

Your cellphones/beepers/PDAs have the right to remain silent
There is nothing more jarring than observing a beautiful ceremony and during a key part, the jarring ring of a cellphone interrupts the ceremony. If you must have and leave your cellular telephone on, please set it on silent or vibrate, at least for the wedding ceremony.

Get your objections out of the way earlyAlthough the wedding I attended did not ask if there was anybody at the wedding who objected to the couple marrying, if you do have some serious objections to the union, objections that would truly in your opinion affect the decision to marry, get it out sooner rather than later. Having an open discussion may prove to be enlightening for all parties involved.

Save drunken behaviour for never your home
Some weddings have open bars, which can be a recipe for disaster as people who have alcohol regularly suddenly act like the concept of having an unlimited alcohol supply let it get to them. Think of how horrible you’d feel if numerous pictures of you were captured where you’re doing stupid things, or worse, if the bride and groom notice your behaviour.

Take interest and participate
For one night, throw aside your selfconsciousness on your ability to dance, and get on the dance floor. Have a good time, be enthusiastic and participate in all the different things that are planned by the wedding party for you as guest.

Mix and mingle
Despite there being a large number of people, mingling at a large event can be done. If there is a cocktail hour, give in to the temptation to stand by yourself and go introduce you to people, making sure you ask who they’re there for and how they know the bride and/or groom.

wedding, guest, guests, etiquette

This might be one more suited for Wedding Tactics but I thought I’d share it here.

My best friend had a (years) long engagement, but asked people to be in her wedding soon after she got engaged. Soon after her engagement, she realized that her friendship with one bridesmaid was completely one sided: she (bride to be) was the one always calling her (bridesmaid to be) to hang out. As she realized this, my friend also realized that there was one woman who she was becoming closer to, with whom she had a more normal friendship of give and take. So she did something that I don’t think I would have been able to do: she asked the first girl to step down and invited the other girl to join her wedding party. It wasn’t an easy thing to do but my friend’s rationale is that she wants everyone standing up for her to be someone who is important and special in her life. She didn’t want to ask someoen to be her bridesmaid then lose touch with them shortly thereafter.

This leads to my somewhat related questions:
• What is/are your rule(s) when it comes to asking someone to be your bridesmaid/groomsman?
• What if they asked you to be in their wedding? Is the polite thing to ask the people who have asked you?
• If you don’t, do you think there is a large chance that they will decline the invitation to your wedding altogether?
• Have you ever had to change your attendant list after selecting your bridesmaids/groomsmen?
• Have you ever been asked to be in somebody’s wedding and declined?

I’d love to hear your stories!

I was tagged by Bryan of Sympathy Pain to give five reasons why I love blogging so. I have been blogging since November 2002 and as I head toward my fifth year of writing online, there must be a reason why I persist, right? Of course there is! But do I have five reasons? I don’t think so but here goes:

I love the sense of community and sharing
It’s the interactivity of blogging that keeps me hooked, I have no doubt about it. I love putting down my opinion, a recounting of an unpleasant event or some good news and having people, some I may not even know, expressiing a contrary opinion, sharing my pain and encouraging me or cheering on. The sense of community and sharing that goes on among those who get to know you is wonderful.

It makes a good historical accounting
I like knowing that many of my major milestones and life-altering events are recorded there for posterity, along with how I felt at the time of the event. It can be very interesting to read over old entries. The fact that it’s on the internet makes it more easily searchable than a stack of paper journals would be.

I love to write
My love of words and language is helped along by blogging: I can use new words, try different styles of writing, and challenge myself to improve the quality of my writing. Since I’ve been blogging, I’ve become more interested in discovering my voice and tone, something that makes my posts uniquely mine.

I love to read
I love reading other people’s blogs and since people read my blogs, I figure they like my blogs too. I love to read about other people’s lives, no matter how boring and empty they thinik it is. There is always some food for thought or great idea that you can take off another site and apply it to your own life.

It’s cheap therapy
I write about my problems and they go away! (Ok, not quite) but I do find that sometimes a situation that is bothering me only needs to be written down before I start feeling better. Once the entry is written I re-read it, and I feel much of the tension and stress leaving my body. Try it: blogging is good for the soul.

I’m tagging my readers: why do you read blogs in general, or this blog in particular? You can leave as many or few reasons for this as you’d like.

Maybe life is perfect for you: you are in excellent health, you look as hot as you possibly can without going under the knife: surgery would only be detrimental. Your personality is well balanced and everybody loves you. In fact you don’t even know what an enemy looks like because you’re surrounded by fans and have never met a person who didn’t like you.

The rest of us, however, have to deal with reality, which often involves walking around with an extra 100 pounds, a face that needs the desperate attentions of a dermatologist, anger management problems or trust issues, a tendency to lie compulsively, or a selfish gene that is hard to disguise.

If this second picture is more like you, don’t despair! Change is a possible, albeit long term, project. What are the three main things that you’d like to change about yourself?

Mine are:

• my weight (it needs to decrease by nearly one quarter of my total weight
• my tendency to think that my way is not only the right way but the only way. I continually expect people to see the error of their ways after I’ve explained why my way is the perfect way.
• my facial skin my mother has beautiful skin while my dad’s is more blemish prone. I think a visit to a professional will ensure that I’m doing all that I can to ensure that those scars from picking at zits and pimples (*ahem*) vanish in due time, and ensure that I have in place a good regimen for the preservation of my face in such a way that it fits in the category of ‘ageless’.

Simple tips to stay cool (or at least feel like you’re cool) when it’s boiling hot outside:

Drink lots of cold water: if you’re hydrated you’ll feel better about the heat. And you won’t have to worry about having to go to the bathroom every two seconds–you can excrete it by sweating!

Avoid wearing black: everyone knows this rule–when outside, dark colours attract the sun which turns you into a mini oven.

Cling to cotton: India cotton is especially lightweight and women have a lot of options of clothing made of this cotton, including skirts, tank tops and t-shirts.

Stay indoors: if you are blessed to live or work in an air-conditioned place, that is. Spend the time indoors bracing yourself for the “I just walked into the oven” feeling you’ll get the minute you step out of doors. If you don’t have airconditioning, hide out in the basement. And if you don’t have a basement? Dig one!

Open your windows at night: If you don’t live in an airconditioned abode, you might find leaving the windows open at night when the sun is down and the evening is cooler is just what you need to cool you down before bed.

keeping cool in the summer, stay cool, avoid heat, summer

Welcome to a new week! Here are some quotes to think upon today:

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
-Abraham Lincoln

I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.
-Eleanor Roosevelt

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
-John Lennon

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
-Mark Twain

The image this last quotation puts in my mind, that of an undertaker mourning my death so much even though it is his livelihood made me smile. I want to have the kind of life that I enjoy that much!

How about you? What quotations get you through life when you think about them?

life quotes, life quotations, life sayings