Life Tips Daily

If you’re going to be hosting some guests this summer, may I suggest some essential reading? Part I and Part II provide tips on being a great host(ess).

Today and tomorrow, we’ll focus on the responsibilities of a good guest. That’s right: the houseguest is not off the hook; simply showing up, starving and laden with luggage will not cut it. Houseguests have responsibilities in ensuring that their stay does not result in lost friendships, tension, or (more than the expected) disruption.

When are you coming…
Rule number one of being a fabulous houseguest is this: unless you know this person’s world will be rocked by your completely unexpected arrival, or your arrival is part of an elaborate surprise involving events like a wedding (read: your host(ess) to be is getting married and you had said you wouldn’t be able to attend the wedding and now you can), a milestone birthday, or a rising from the dead, do not drop by, baggage in hand, without any sort of notice!

Imagine the upheaval it will cause to the average individual or family: plans already in place would have to be cancelled, room for you, your luggage and any other people you’ve brought along would have to be found. Many people like to step up their cleaning regime a bit, in honour of their guest, and they might find it frankly embarrassing to welcome you into their home, unannounced. Unless you are a licensed home inspector, do not drop by for an overnight stay (or longer!) without any notice.

…and when do you leave?
The question may be rude, perhaps, (and no self-respecting host or hostess would ask it). They won’t have to ask it because you will provide the answer. Don’t leave your host wondering how long you will be in their home: tell them. Whether you’re staying for five days or 15, they should know. Ideally you’d present your itinerary (ahead of time) in a way that allows them to make the final decision, at least as far as accommodations are concerned–it’s all well and good to have a plan, but making sure it’s ok with your host(ess) is important. Their summer was going on and perhaps fully planned long before you decided to visit and out of respect for your host(ess), you should let them know how long they will have to work their schedule around you (not that they won’t be delighted to!).

Come bearing gifts
Christmas in July? Why not? A good guest brings a gift or token of their appreciation. Board game or book, fine glassware or art, a bathroom towel set or the deed to a cottage, be creative. Gifts are especially meaningful when they are chosen with the recipient in mind so know the likes and dislikes of your host(ess): your vegan host(ess) will not appreciate receiving the fresh steaks from your farm, and your friend’s 20 year old son may not be into the latest trendy thing that his counterparts in your city are into. As long as your gift is thoughtful, it will be appreciated (unless, of course it’s diet pills).

Come prepared to pay your way
With the exception of the things that get forgotten when packing, don’t forget to bring anything that would not only be costly for your host(ess) to provide, but anything that your host(ess) would have trouble providing (due to lack of availability in your area or his or her financial situation). Topping this list would be money, or access to money. Your host(ess) will already be spending (extra) money during your stay, and cheerfully too. Don’t turn it into a nightmare by expecting your host(ess) to pay for your entertainment (unless it’s offered as a treat), special foods or dietary requirements that aren’t easily accessible, or other non-essential things. This can build up tensions unnecessarily. Come aware of the costs associated with the area you will be staying in (the cost of living may be higher) and be prepared to pay your way and the way of anybody else you bring with you.

Come ready to follow the house rules
No, you’re not seven years old again and quite frankly, children never ask their host(ess) whether there are any rules that they should be aware of. You may be entering a house that makes jail seem like a picnic, or a home where anarchy is the only rule. Either way, ask your host(ess) whether there are any rules that you should be aware of. Common rules in households may relate to:

• the time by which you need to be back in their home each evening (this may seem silly but if your host is not providing you with a spare key and they go to bed before you get home, you may end up locked out!)
• rules for telephone use, especially long distance calling (they might have times/places where there are better rates for phone calls that they adhere strictly to)
• television use rules (if the household has children, they may not want you to watch certain movies/shows when the children are around)
• other small things you don’t think about, such as wearing shoes in the house or not.

By being aware of these tips before you set your bags down and make yourself comfortable, you will win the hearts of your host(ess). Get these tips down and you might even get a pillow to go with your cot in the corner of the basement. But once you’re established in the household, then what? Tips for living with your host(ess) will be the topic of Friday’s talk.

guest, guests, houseguests, entertaining, visitors, summer guests, host, hostess, home

(This is a Top 5 - Group Writing Project entry)

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Yesterday, I provided three detailed tips on how to make your houseguests never want to leave. Granted, this might not be your intention at all but today we’ll continue with four more guest-pleasing tips.

Find out about food allergies or other potential hazards beforehand
This is fairly straightforward: make sure that your houseguest will not suffer needlessly. If you have a pet that your guest may not know about, take the time to inform your potential guest of this, as this may determine whether or not they (your guest, not your pet!) can stay with you. Food allergies are also important: if you cannot guarantee that the food offered and prepared will be free of foods that your guests are allergic to, it is important to let your potential guest know this. If you can easily avoid these foods and products during your guests’ stay, you may want to consider living without it (them) for a while. If your guest has some other condition that you should prepare for (limited mobility, for example) make sure that you can accomodate her needs. If you can’t, there is no shame in admitting this right away and offering to help your guest find alternate accomodations. The last thing you want is for your guest to go home in worse condition than when he arrives!

Research your city - put on your tourist’s shoes
You live there day in and day out, so your city may not seem very exciting, but there’s undoubtedly something that your guests will love to see or do. I suggest you consider who your guests are, what they enjoy doing, and see if your city offers activities that would serve these needs. If you’re not sure, ask–ask the coordinators of certain activities what kind of people enjoy them, ask your guests what they enjoy doing! Museums, plays, sports games, unique restaurants, flea markets, concerts, and festivals are only a short list of things that your guests may enjoy. You can do a lot of planning and select which activities you will do together, even before your guests arrive.

In cases where you will not be able to spend much time each day with your guests, you may want to provide this information to them so they can explore your city on their own.

Be the information centre
This ties in with the last point. You know those handy informtation centres that are usually located around bus terminals, train stations and airports, providing car rental options, maps and answering other questions? You can be that service for your housguests! If you can’t drive your friends or family to every sight they want to see, or take part in every activity they want to do, provide them some options for transportation: you can loan them a spare car (if you have one), or give them the contact information for car rental places, or provide them with bus tickets/tokens (or bus fare information) and a bus route map; if they are walkers or cyclists, an appropriate map, with an indication of areas where good bike/walking paths are, might be handy. If you know know the directions to the various places your guest will want to see, use a highlighter to mark the directions clearly for your guest. If you don’t know how to get there, provide them with contact information (perhaps to your city’s information centre) so they can find this information themselves (although if you know beforehand where they want to go and what they want to do, providing them this info would be very nice).

Don’t foget the (not so) little things
Depending on how comfortable you are, you may want to provide your guests with a key to your house so they can come and go as they wish. You might also want to offer them the use of your laundry facilities and encourage them to ask you for any items they may have forgotten or might need. Some houseguests will also want to know what sorts of “house rules” you’d like them to abide by, including how late they can be noisy till, whether or not they can use your phone without asking (and how you want to handle long-distance phone calls) and which bathroom you prefer they use, for example. These may be small things but to a guest staying in a home they are not accustomed to, spelling out some of these things might be helpful. Encourage your guests to ask you questions if they are not sure.

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This is by no means an exhaustive list; by thinking of what would make your stay at a friend or family member’s home pleasant, and applying these ideas from the point of view of your specific guest, you’re sure to be a popular stop this summer among houseguests, although whether or not this is a good thing might be in question!

What is your houseguest-pleasing tip?

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houseguests, entertaining, visitors, summer guests, host, hostess, home

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As summer approaches, the chances of having far-flung friends and family calling to let you know that they will be in your area sometime in the next few months is high. For most people, this means there will be an expectation that you will at least offer your home, apartment or closet as a place for your friend or family member to rest his/her/their head(s). If only the responsibility as a host(ess) ended there! Whether you are the host(ess) or houseguest this summer or both, here are some tips to make the visit pleasant for all involved: today and tomorrow we will focus on the responsibilities of a good host(ess), and Thursday and Friday we’ll look at some tips to be a good houseguest.

If you will be entertaining some guests this summer (or anytime for that matter) I strongly suggest you consider the following:

Take time off for your guest, and make sure they are aware of when this time is
It is easy for a potential houseguest, especially one that has not visited in some time, to assume that the host(ess) will not only be sitting at home preparing for the visit, but will also have absolutely no plans other than spending time with her when they arrive! As sad as it will be to crush your houseguest’s hopes, when today’s busy schedules (which multiply when children and their many activities are added to the mix) are considered, your houseguest will be lucky if you’re at home when he arrives! Good host(ess) that you are, however, this will not have to be a serious concern of your houseguest. Instead, arrange to be home, certainly when the guest is due to arrive, and also at least some of the time that your guest will be staying with you. You may want to take the first day or two off, or save the one on one time for the end of your houseguest’s stay. Either way you do it, your guest will appreciate it. It is also important, before your guest arrives, to make sure she is aware of what committments will remain a part of your schedule while she is visiting. This way, there are no false expectations.

Provide an area for houseguests to claim as their own (for the duration of their stay)
Whether it’s a fold up cot in the livingroom, or the computer room turned into a guest room, your guests will appreciate having a space in your home where they can call home-temporarily. Ideally this would be a separate room but even if it’s a foldout sofabed, arrange things so that your guests can use this area as if it were their bedroom for their stay, and keep their luggage and other belongings with them in this space. It may not be the most comfortable arrangement for a host or hostess used to having full run of the house, but it would mean a lot to most houseguests to have their own area.

Make your guest feel special with a care package
Sure you’re not a hotel, but you can out-hotel the hotel if you think about it. Most hotels provide towels, soap and other toiletries for guests, but have to keep the provisions fairly general because they do not often know the age, sex or likes and dislikes of the next guest using the room. Here is where you can out-hotel the hotel! You know your guest, you know whether (for example) they hate scented products, or love the scent of vanilla, or never ever wear robes or love trashy magazines or crossword puzzles. If you are able to, you can provide all these things that would make the stay that much more pleasant for your guest-be it an extra blanket for someone who is always cold or some bottles of water in the room of a guest who is always thirsty at night. A lot of things that make people comfortable are very inexpensive and if you can provide some of these, your houseguest will remember your hospitality long after they’ve returned to their own home. The nice weather also allows you to take advantage of fresh seasonable blooms to add some cheeriness to rooms).

Tune in tomorrow for four more guest-pleasing tips!

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houseguests, entertaining, visitors, summer guests, host, hostess, home

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Yes, Ottawa is the best Canadian city (see here), but if moving to Canada doesn’t strike your fancy, can I interest you in Switzerland? According to Mercer Consulting, the top two cities in the world based on quality of living (versus quality of life, which is explained in the report as an individual measure) are Zurich and Geneva. A Canadian city, Vancouver, ranks third on this list, and on this survey, being a “little big city” does not serve Ottawa as well, and it ranks in 18th place, just ahead of Stockholm, Sweden, and Perth, Australia. This 2007 Worldwide Quality of Living Survey is based on data collected at the end of 2006 and considers countries based on 39 determinants of quality of living, including health and sanitation (a category where Calgary, Alberta, Canada) takes top place.

This survey also provides a listing of the top five countries on each continent and what is telling is that no countries from the continent of Africa appear to be ranked; the continent of Africa does not appear on the list. This is not surprising, perhaps, given the images of Africa that are shown on our televisions or on the internet, but surely after years of being asked to provide aid, years of other continents providing financial aid, there are some cities in Africa that can be held up as examples for the continent? I am sure there are, and if not, should continents that are better off provide more aid? Is it important that all of the world have at least a base level quality of liviing, or is it ok that a wide a gap in quality of living exists between cities like Zurich and Lagos, Nigeria? I hope that somebody reading the results of this survey will feel led to ask why every other continent makes the list and Africa is lagging so far behind that not one of its cities is on the list (even at the lower end of the list!). Antarctica was also not mentioned, but this is perhaps because the continent contains no indigenous peoples; the majority of its inhabitants are scientists using the continent for research purposes.

A disclaimer: the entire report is not available so it is possible that Africa is represented, or perhaps the data that was required to compile the information wasn’t available, but was it even requested?

More exploration is needed, and I will follow up on this story.

If you’re looking to move to North America, and cannot decide where to live, may I suggest my city, Ottawa?

Ottawa is the recent winner in a survey of 123 Canadian cities and ranks in the number one spot of a top ten list conducted by Money Sense magazine. Canadian Business Online provides a breakdown of some facts about Ottawa that make it so grand.

Instead of rattling on about the fact that Ottawa is the capital of Canada, that it is a city that manages to balance both a big city and small town feel, I’ll list some facts that make Ottawa pretty great in my books:

• Low crime rate (compared to other Canadian cities that were in the running), which makes me feel reasonably safe should I have to walk home one night.
• Plenty of bike paths, which I’m noticing more and more as I go on my walks. Almost all major streets have a bike lane and there are plenty of paths away from busy streets for cycling and walking enthusiasts.
• Public transportation here isn’t bad: although the bus fare is higher here than in most cities, the service seems to extend out into more and more of the city every day, especially with all the building developments springing up (so you feel like you can see the results of the fare increases, at least).
• There is a lot to do if you enjoy cultural activities: museums and galleries to visit, plenty of restaurants of different ethnicities to try, clubs that cater to those who prefer latin music, and it’s easy to find programs and courses to appeal to your creative side. There is always something going on.
• Homes aren’t too expensive. I hope to buy a home in the near future and for a single person with a decent job, it’s actually possible!

However, the winters are cold and the summers can be hot and humid but there is nothing like spring and fall to make you forget any unpleasantness brought on by the weather.

To learn more, please read the following:

• The Ottawa Citizen
• CBC

Plenty of companies are making millions of dollars by convincing the fair consumer to purchase their product in order to better organize their lives. From daily planners to PDAs, Blackberrys and other gadgets available, to using a paper calendar or the one that comes with your email program, there are a lot of different ways to stay on top of the many tasks you have to do.

I came across some neat and free (or inexpensive) ways to keep track of what you need to do, from the very basic, to web-based ideas:

Paper to do lists

• Weekly to do list: Traylor Papers
  I like the pretty colours of this pad of paper, but I’d prefer a daily rather than weekly to do list.
• Sticky to do list: Post It Action Notes have room to write items, and afterwards, you can stick the list wherever works best for you-on the fridge, on your forehead, or on the dashboard of the car. The stickiness makes it easy to actually keep the list with you, which is important if crossing tasks off your list is a priority (and it should be!).

Web-based to do lists

• Ta-da Lists
  This site was easy to set up and once you have created a list, you have the option of emailing it to yourself, to others or allowing it to be posted publicly. It took about 30 seconds to sign up and does not require the installation of anything. (Tudu Lists is similar, and just as easy to sign up for, but it doesn’t operate as smoothly as Ta-da does in my opinion).
• Remember the milk
  This is a more robust version than the two web-based to do lists. It’s fun to use and I recommend you try it out! You can include a due date for your tasks, which the other two programs do not allow, and it allows you to transfer your list to your cell phone, several email programs and even to skype! You can print a weekly planner from your to do lists, and you’re provided with an email addresss whereby any emails you send to this address get added to your to do list. It is available in over 10 languages, including Spanish, Italian and French. I have a lot more explorations of this program to do, to see if it works for me and my lifestyle.

And of course, that last part is the key: there are a lot of ways to keep track of the things you want to do. In addition to the ways mentioned, some people record their list (into a recording device) and replay it during the day; others simply give themselves a mental reminder and keep track of all the things they need to do on any given day without the use of paper or other gadgets.

As for me? I use a little planner but I don’t always remember to consult it. So for items I absolutely don’t want to forget I have taken to using post it notes, in different colours to remind me of things. I sit at my computer desk every day and my eyes are drawn frequently to the brightly coloured notes:

Whatever works is the right method for you.

How do you keep track of your to do items?

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organize, to do, to do lists, priorities, tasks

At some point or other in your life, you have probably been envious of a friend or stranger due to their possession of something you don’t have. This could be material possessions (car, house, new sneakers or wardrobe), personality traits you desire (organization, empathy, friendliness) or maybe someone managed to find the perfect man or woman for them and they are floating around you on their cloud of love, while you’re looking into your love-less past, your love-less present, and what seems to be your love-less future, trying not to lose hope that you too will find the special person for you.

(All these are hypothetical situations, naturally.)

Envy can make you seethe and simmer with strong emotions that leave you feeling miserable. It can make you lash out at people who are genuinely puzzled because they cannot determine what they did to set you off (and if they ever discover that you resent them for being themselves, you’re toast). If not acknowleded and controlled, envy can ruin important relationships in your life.

Instead of giving all the power to envy, force yourself to look at aspects of your own life that others would be envious of, and don’t shortchange yourself: sure, you might not be as artistic as a friend who just received a lucrative contract to paint a mural for a movie star, but you can write, or perhaps you’re a good listener or a fantastic friend. Or maybe you have a savings account with money in it, or you had a happy childhood and a fantastic family life. Even if you don’t have any comparable talents, focus on something about yourself that you like: your ability to make somebody laugh, your ability to brew the perfect cup of coffee, your fashion sense. Focus on the things that make your life good and worth living, and realize that someone out there might be envying you.

Rarely does envy go one way: while you’re busy admiring your coupled up friend, he’s probably envying you your freedom to do what you want and when, without considering the opinoins of any other. Envy is a two-way street.

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envy, jealousy, envious of friend, jealous of friend

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The title is a bit presumptuous, perhaps: first off, how do I know you’re not already friendly enough? What about the assumption that someone who’s friendly either wants something or is hiding something? While these are possible conclusions to draw from someone who seems to be always smiling, or happy, being friendly is something that benefits everyone, as long as it’s genuine.

By being happy or friendly, you can inspire others to respond in kind. Try this experiment: at the next elevator you approach, or the next door you come to, let someone else go ahead of you. If, after five times you don’t receive a thank you or a smile, or both, I’d be surprised. Now try the opposite: wait for others to open the door, then slip through, rush to enter the elevator when it opens, regardless of who is closer to the door. Compare the reactions or tensions of the people around you: if they are the same as in the first experiment, then you can stop reading now.

A simpler experiment is to smile at someone, as you pass them on the street, or when you are in line with them. I have found that the majority of people will return the smile with an answering smile, and some will even make the first move and greet you. This happened to me several times over the last few days in a town where I didn’t know anybody. Imagine the kind of response I’d get in my office building or in my neighbourhood.

It is important to be genuine in your expressions of happiness/friendliness. While it’s true that if you don’t really mean your smile, a stranger might not notice, but if you do mean it, it will surely be wider and more natural to you. Smiling and laughing have been linked with the release of feel good compounds, endorphins, by the body, so you and the person receiving your smile benefit.

Being friendly and happy does not mean that your life is perfect, or that you’re hiding something: it simply means that you have chosen not to concentrate on those aspects of life that make you want to strangle yourself or the next person you see. Instead, your focus is off those less pleasant items and rather on things that make you happy.

Here are some ways to be a friendlier and happier person:
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I promised you an update on this entry and here it is:

I was very nervous as I considered how I would approach this expert on some topic. I know I mentioned that I was led to talk to this guy because of the applicability of what he was saying to what I’m working on, but I don’t think I mentioned the fact that he actually mentioned the organization that I work for in the first five minutes of his talk! So I had assumed he’d read my nametag and immediately be drawn to me, but as you know, that’s not what happened.

I tried to talk to him before the session, but he was not in the room. Seeing as he’s a fairly busy guy, I assumed he had decided not to stay for the duration of the conference, and I was disappointed. But then I saw him in the audience and my nerves were shaken once again, but I was determined to approach him.

During our break, I looked for him but could not find him. Then I saw him talking to someone, but they were in line for refreshments. I went back into the conference room to regroup, then came out again. He was now talking to one of the female speakers at the event, along with a third attendee. I sidled over and listened in. And then, my Texan hero strutted in: another speaker, he introduced himself to me and asked if I was waiting to talk to the female speaker. I indicated that I was waiting to talk to the gentleman who had shunned me and after we talked for a short while, he started talking to the woman (who he had been waiting to talk to) so I approached the man and told him that I had tried to speak to him yesterday.

I was surprised by his welcome!

He looked at my nametag and the first words out of his mouth were “I was hoping they sent a representative from your organization; did you see that I mentioned your organizattion?!” and he smiled warmly and shook my hand.

I eventually relaxed and was able to talk to him for a few minutes. He was very kind and welcoming and he had met with a coworker of mine just the week before so I fet that even though he was working with the American branch of things, he was quite cognizant of what was going on in Canada.

This was a surprising ending on my part because I truly thought I was being ignored for reasons other than him being overwhelmed or whatnot, and I’m delighted that there might have been some truth to the comments that people left following the last entry. Although I was very nervous, I am glad that I asserted myself.

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assert yourself, assertiveness, speak up, speak

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This trip seems to be fodder for talk about life tips or at least ways to improve oneself.

Most people think that I am fairly outspoken, but the truth is unless I am with a group of friends, I tend to keep my mouth shut, painfully so at times. I don’t know anybody at this conference I’m attending, so I’m enjoying the solitude quite well.

For the past day and a half, I have been listening to talks given by experts on their subject matter. I have not once been moved to question any of them during their talks (as we’re encouraged to do after each talk) but today’s second speaker of the afternoon session inspired just that. I sensed that my question was not applicable to the room as a whole, so I didn’t ask it publicly; instead I saw him in the lobby talking to two women and patiently waited for my turn. While I was waiting, another woman came up and the moment the two women left, she barged in and engaged the speaker!

I must admit, for the first five seconds I was shocked, and I wondered if this adult woman had actually just ignored me and began speaking to this gentleman. The worst part (to me) is that the man, who had looked over at me while he was talking to the two women before me, did not even say a word! I may as well not have been standing there.

To me, that was a double insult and their rudeness was surprising.

Determined not to be insulted, I waited for her to speak her piece. While I was waiting, three gentlemen came up and the moment the gentleman I was waiting to speak to finished with the woman, he turned to them and began speaking to them!

I could understand this if I was a small, easily overlooked person, or if I was in a large crowd, but I was clearly standing waiting for him and I am a hard figure to miss (due to my size rather than my importance in this particular conference). At this point I left the group all together, seething at the rudeness, and cursing him under my breath.

Instead of stewing, I thought of ways I could have politely made my presence known right there and then, that I did not take advantage of, but you might decide to should you ever be in the same situtation:

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