Life Tips Daily

When it comes to being wealthy, it’s not how much money you make that determines your wealth but how much you save. This simple concept knocked me on my butt when I first heard it because like many people out there, I work multiple jobs in the hopes of getting ahead financially. “If I work two jobs, I’ll make more money than if I work one job and will therefore end up having more money to save” is my rationale.

But not so fast: working more means that I am out of the house for a longer part of each day, which results in me eating more meals on the road. Working part time in a mall for my second job also means that the temptation to shop in a variety of stores is greater (and often indulged). A busier schedule may result in the dependence on time saving tips, tips that may require a greater expenditure of money (for gas, bus fare, a uniform (if applicable) or other job-related equipment not provided by the employer).

So if working more does not equal more money saved in the bank, what does? Come back tomorrow and find out.

money, saving, money saving, saving money wealth

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So, why are some people never on time? Most people will have a reason that does not implicate them fully but tardiness is a self inflicted infection. Here are some ways to mimize it:

Book fewer things
If your days are crammed with things to do, and the chance of everything being accomplished on time depends on everything running smoothly, then you’re likely overbooked. Try removing one or two things from your daily list of errands and see if that makes you more on time.

Overestimate the time needed for things
How many times has someone called you, tardy person extraordinaire, to inquire where you are. Don’t you always say you’re “five minutes” away from where you’re supposed to be? Five minutes is never actually five minutes; it could be anywhere from 15 minutes to hours. When tempted to give a time estimate, give yourself more time rather than less. Instead of saying you’re 20 minutes away, try saying 30 or 40 minutes. if you’re not too far gone in the tardy department, doubling the time you usually say should be a more accurate calculation. And on the bright side: if you do arrive earlier than planned, everyone will be happy (unless, of course, you are the recipient of a surprise party).

Plan backwards
You need to be at the party at 5pm but you have other things to do. Start by figuring out how much time you need to get to where you’re going, add a cushion of 10-15 minutes, and working backwards, fit in all the other things that need to be done, again adding a cushion of a few minutes. A plan is great but don’t forget to follow it: wear a watch and put measures into place that will keep you on time, even if it means setting alarms to remind you when you should be moving on to a different task.

Buddy system
If you are always late for events, pair up with someone who is also attending (preferably someone who is always on time!). Give them the authority to keep you in line and on time. After a few times with your punctual friend, you’ll have a better idea of things that work and things that don’t with respect to ensuring that you’re on time.

What tips keep you on time?

late, tardy, tardiness, lateness, being on time, on time

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Tardiness can seem like an incurable disease at times: even when you start preparing for an event 2 hours earlier than you started the time before (when you arrived late), you still end up being late! If this is a regular occurence, never fear: it is possible to find the punctual person within, but first you have to figure out why you’re late.

Many years ago, Dr. Phil chastized a chronically late person, telling her that she was deliberately late (even if she didn’t make the conscious decision before each event that she ended up being late to) because she believed that nothing would start until her arrival. Some people who are late regularly are somewhat selfish, not thinking of how the person waiting on them might feel, but rather focusing on whether being late will affect their own enjoyment of an event. In cases like this it is advised that those who are ready and waiting start the activity as planned, even if the tardy person is not there, and even if the tardy person was supposed to be a part of the event. Unless you receive a call saying that the tardy indivdiual has extenuating circumstances resulting in a tardy arrival, there is no good excuse to be chronically late.

It is also possible that someone is always late for an event because they find that on rare occasions when they happen to arrive on time, they are the ones tapping their foot impatiently while waiting for the stragglers to show up. Of course this is a vicious cycle: you show up late because you don’t want to have to wait for the action to begin only to find out that everyone was waiting for your arrival before starting the event, and when you show up on time and it’s someone else who is late…you get the idea.

Most people who are chronically tardy are also constantly apologizing. When you keep apologizing for the same thing, eventually people are going to start wondeirng why you don’t make a change to this habit you’re always apologizing for. Your apology then begins to lose its genuine and truly remorseful tone. This is another reason to explore the reasons why you’re never on time.

Are you prone to being tardy? Why do you think this is?

late, tardy, tardiness, lateness, being on time, on time

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The summer means there are myriad opportunities to volunteer for dozens of causes. Festivals, tournaments, anything-a-thons all need willing, cheerful and committed people to help make the event a success without costing a lot of money to organize, money that should be going to the cause itself. Without further convincing, here’s why you should volunteer:

You can support a cause you feel passionately about but may not be able to donate money to in proportion to this passion
Some choose a cause because it is close to home: a family member or a dear friend has been impacted as a result of a disease, they have a fondness for children, animals, the environment or a particular country. Whatever the reason for your interest in a cause, find out if there is a related organization that seems to be doing something about the problem and offer your time as a gift that money cannot replace.

It’s a great way to meet new people
The best part about the people you meet volunteering is you know that you have something in common. And since you meet them through volunteering the chances are high that they are caring, or willing to give time to something they think is important, which is not a bad basis to begin a friendship on.

You feel good knowing that you’re helping
There is great satisfaction in doing something for someone (or a cause) and knowing that your work will benefit individuals, whether directly or indirectly. If you don’t get a feeling of satisfaction from the work, you may not have found the right volunteer gig.

You get to have fun
Not all volunteer jobs are riveting–most people have a dozen things they’d rather do than be part of a cleanup crew following a large outdoor concert– but hopefully knowing that your job is just as important to the whole volunteer event as the more ‘glamourous’ jobs means that you’ll do your best to have fun while volunteering. Be silly, smile a lot, and treat the chore like it’s the best thing around and the only thing you want to do and you will have fun.

You get free stuff
Well established organizations that host large events are very well aware that the way to retain volunteers for annual events is to provide them with perks because, sadly, the fact that there is no financial benefit to the volunteer often means that there can be a high turnover/absenteeism rate among volunteers if the feeling of satisfaction of doing good is not enough for them, because let’s be honest: not all volunteers do it for the cause alone.

Most events want volunteers to wear something that identifies them as such, be it a pin, a cap or a t-shirt, which is provided by the organization free of charge. Other events give volunteers a deep discount or free admission to the event. You may also get the opportunity to receive free training for a required skill that you do not yet have, like I will.

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I fully recommend that you volunteer. Volunteering opens you up to new experiences, gives you the opportunity to learn more about a cause that perhaps you were not so knowledgeable about, and it is a good way to spend your free time. And who knows: your new best friend, a business partner or a lover might be waiting for you!

volunteer, volunteerism, reasons to volunteer

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What would you do in this situation:

You loan something to a friend, no terms for the return of the item are discussed. Although you see the friend a few times, you forget to ask for the item you loaned, and the friend also forgets to give it back to you. When you finally remember that your friend has the item and you ask for it back, you come up against resistance on the friend’s part to return the item, and you can’t figure out why this is the case. You ask if anything has happened to the item and are assured that the item is fine. You offer to pick the item up and that option is rejected, as are options for the friend to drop the item off, to have a third party pick the item up from the friend, or for the friend to mail it to you.

You have emailed and called numerous times, and both are generally ignored. You also notice that you have been removed from your (former?) friend’s instant messenger and another social networking tool.

What do you do? Would you keep trying to get the item back as a matter of principle, or chalk it up as a good lesson on friendships and loaning items of sentimental value out?

Ms. Judith Kallos, e-mail etiquette expert and author, was kind enough to answer some questions on e-mail etiquette. Her website, Net Manners and her blog, E-mail Etiquette Matters are essential resources for anybody concerned with communicating online in a manner that is polite, clear and respectful.

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Jummy: First of all, I have to comment on how much information you provide on your site, www.netmanners.com – it’s great!. Do you see yourself as a lone crusader against poor e-manners?

Ms. Kallos: Thank you for your kind words. There have been a few of us out there pounding the drum on the topic for the past decade. Recently, however, it seems there seems to be increased interest in the topic now that e-mail is such an integral part of our lives.

How do you define good e-manners?

I have a motto I use that I feel describes that perfectly: “Using technology with knowledge, understanding and courtesy!”

Having the knowledge to understand the environment in which you are participating is crucial to having a productive and enjoyable online experience. And courtesy, just as in the off-line world, never goes out of style!

You left the corporate world to work for yourself as a consultant on technology use and marketing at The IStudio®. Is it while entering into business for yourself that you recognized the importance of manners, even (or especially) over the internet?

Yes! I was working with clients who were PhDs and successful professionals in their field and by virtue of their e-mails they looked like they didn’t make it out of grade school! So, I had a “Netiquette” area on my site for them, that then started drawing outside interest which then translated into a site of its own on the topic of E-mail Etiquette and proper technology use. The whole project and my 2 books, eBooks and free services have all been driven by site visitor requests. Even my blog posts are based on what those who e-mail me through NetManners.com are concerned about.

By the numbers of visitors (in the thousands) that your site receives each day, many are eager to learn about or ensure that they are practicing good netiquette. While understandable in business, is netiquette too formal for friends and family?

When it comes to family and friends you certainly don’t have to be as formal in your writing style. Perceptions are not as important in personal e-mail as they are in your business e-mail. That said, common courtesy and using technology properly are still very important in personal e-mails. Issues such as sending very large attachments without notice, forwarding e-mails without comment or vetting them for accuracy first and protecting the privacy of those you communicate with are just as important in your personal e-mail activities.

As far as I can see, you have two books and two e-books out; congratulations! Which of these books would you recommend to the average internet user and why?

Thank you for your support! Each book is targeted at a different type of onliner. My new book, E-mail Etiquette Made Easy!, that just came out is for those who want to have the basics of what is important when it comes to their e-mail practices, while Because Netiquette Matters! has a more rounded discussion in regard to online technology and E-mail Etiquette.

My eBooks are also targeted at different folks. Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Business E-mail Etiquette covers the topics that those online for commercial gain need to know about to succeed online, while my E-mail Etiquette 101 is geared at Newbies who are looking for the basic basics.

Do you find that specific lapses in e-mail manners happen more in older or younger folk?

Not really. I’ve found that in general, many are resistant to this topic due to the incorrect perception that the online world “has no rules.” Older folks are more intimidated by technology which prevents them from embracing this topic while younger folks simply see no need for such guidelines.

What do you think is the most common mistake made by people in e-mails?

Not taking the time to communicate with clarity. The words you choose and how you choose to use them can make a huge difference in how your intent and tone are perceived by the other side.

I exchanged several e-mails with you before this interview, and I was impressed by the speed with which you replied to each one (within two hours!). You recommend that e-mails be answered as soon as possible and within 3 days. Do you have any tips or tricks to help someone who receives many e-mails a day as I’m sure you do? I know you have your E-mail Organization Tips but surely there’s more to it than that?

Being I am a Tech Consultant, I am online all day (M-F/9-5) so that gives me the ability to respond so quickly. E-mail is like anything else, you have to make the time to respond promptly. Just like returning voice-mails. If you don’t make the time to return those calls, people think you are ignoring them. There is an expectation of a fast response when it comes to e-mail. People think you are ignoring them if you don’t reply super fast!

Check your e-mail once each day at least and take the time to reply. For some that means budgeting the time their busy schedule.

I notice you have some advice for people who use instant messenger (IM) systems here. I have found that some people do not treat talking online the same way they treat talking on the phone: I have had people leave in mid-conversation to do other things without informing me; some have even turned off the chat program without notice! As businesses move toward e-conferences rather than teleconferences or in-person meetings, do you see your site providing more tips on chatting etiquette?

When it comes to business IM’ing, I think IM’ing is limited in regard to having productive business communications. I doubt it will ever be a preferred choice over standard communications and meetings – it just doesn’t lend to relationship building or clarity in communications which is at the core of any successful business relationship.

The tips I offer will apply for some time. Once again it all boils down to having courtesy for the person(s) on the other side in regard to their time. If you have to leave, be kind enough to let those you are chatting with know you will hook up later.

After taking nearly three weeks (!!) to respond to your last e-mail, I decided to take your quiz to determine whether I was a Netizen or a Newbie. Despite any doubts you may have, I scored 7 out of 10. One new thing I learned is that virus software should be checked for updates every time I log on. Why is it necessary to be this diligent?

I am not surprised you did so well. Your E-mail Etiquette skills are very good!

Actually most virus software has an automatic scheduling feature that will update automatically as new viruses are identified. The problem is most folks don’t know they can utilize that feature and if they are off-line their software doesn’t get updated.

The importance is that if your software doesn’t get updated, it doesn’t have the latest information to protect you. New viruses come out every minute of the day, if the software is updated to know about those new threats it cannot protect you.

Some have said it’s difficult to emote in e-mails, and that sometimes the tone of our lines of text gets misinterpreted. Is it appropriate to use acronyms such as LOL or ROFL in e-mails to express that one is not serious? Or, what are some acronyms that you feel are appropriate for use in e-mails?

Those you e-mail will be hanging on every word you type to try and determine your intent and meaning. That is why it is so important to take your time, reread your message and ensure you are relaying the intent and tone you desire.

If you are joking, simply add a ;- ). If you are sad or disappointed :- ( . The acronyms you mention are fine, however, you don’t want to rely on acronyms and emoticons to carry your entire tone – especially in business e-mails. Emoticons and acronyms should be used sparingly if at all. Instead rely on choosing the appropriate words to communication what you want to get across.

Like I mentioned, your site is full of great tips, some of which you call Courtesies. In one of these Courtesies, you recommend that if I am sending an e-mail to a group of people, I should include all of their e-mail addresses in the BCC line. Don’t you need to have a name in the To: line in order for an e-mail to send, which means at least one contact’s name would always be visible to the other?

The best thing to do is put your e-mail address in the To: field in these instances.

Thanks for the tip; I did not know that. Another question: when you are conversing with a client via e-mail, is it necessary to start each response with a salutation and sign each response in the thread with your name? I sometimes find myself leaving it off because it seems extremely repetitive or overly formal.

With e-mail yes. I believe that is simply part of having courteous communications otherwise you risk coming off as terse, abrupt or demanding.

If you notice, no matter how often I e-mail back and forth, I always start with a greeting and their name and sign-off a closing and my name.

You do. When sending an e-mail to a client for the first time, I always refer to them by their title. If they respond and sign their name without the title, is it considered polite (or rude) to refer to them by their name (without title) in subsequent emails? If the title is something other than Miss/Ms./Mrs. or Mr., should I continue to use their title? I currently continue to use the title. How do we know if we are being invited to use their given name, or whether the client is signing the email with the name he or she calls himself or herself?

When it comes to business, formality is in place for a reason. It is how we show respect and how we build relationships. A good rule of thumb is to let your new associate guide you on the level of formality they prefer. Follow their lead. If you see they sign off with just their first name, you can comfortably address your next communication in the same way.

Your blog, E-mail Etiquette Matters, is yet another resource available for those who want to be among the well mannered online. Your entry about including your title in the signature if you have gender-ambiguous first name really resonated with me, as I have been referred to as ‘Mr.’ on several occasions. Do you think that blogging requires the same etiquette as e-mail? How do you see the two as different (if you do)?

Blogging is a bit more conversational and informal but here again, you have to be cognizant about the fact that how you choose to respond will determine how you are perceived by those who don’t know you. When I post to other’s blogs, I don’t always start with a greeting but I always start with a compliment/comment about the blog I am posting to before I offer my opinion and, I always sign my name.

After all these questions, it’s the least I can do to let you say exactly what you want to say. Please leave the readers any parting thoughts and wisdom on netiquette that you’d like them to remember from this interview.

Technology is just a tool; a tool that can be used properly or recklessly based on the efforts one chooses to make. Choose to be wise and acquire the necessary knowledge to be able to use this great medium to enhance your life both personally and professionally. Be open to being on a continual learning curve and work continuously on building your writing skills so that you can communicate with the written word in a positive and productive manner. Enjoy!

It’s been my honor and pleasure chatting with you, Jumoke! ;- )

Thank you for your extremely enlightening and informative interview, Ms. Kallos!

Judith Kallos, Netiquette, manners, e-manners, email, email etiquette

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I can worry with the best of them but the good news is, I also know some good ways to keep the anxiety that may accompany worrying at bay:

Pray, meditate or sleep or do all three
The wonderful thing about praying is it gives you a chance to acknowledge your worries, out loud if you wish, and hopefully feel a sense of peace once you have expressed your concerns. If you are not religious, you may want to close your eyes and meditate instead, saying out loud or in your head what worries you and taking deep calming breaths after putting each worry into words. Sleeping might seem to be an avoidance tactic but it can act as a tool to rejuvenate you and clear your mind so that you can think of solutions to your worries more clearly. Perhaps a lack of sleep has been the reason why your worries are aggravated so getting some rest can be beneficial. By taking the time to shut out what is going on in the world and acknowledging what is on your mind, you may be able to keep the worry from consuming you.

Tell someone you trust
There are a couple of good reasons to do this: first, there is certainly some truth to the saying ‘A burden shared is a burden halved’. By sharing your concerns with someone you trust, you will have a sympathetic and reassuring ear on your side. Your friend may have some potential solutions that you haven’t had a chance to think about, or may be able to provide the comfort you need, by being there to lean on, literally.

Be proactive
Grab a pen and some paper and write down your worries on one half of the paper and possible solutions to deal with the worry beside them. This reaffirms that your worries are valid, and you get to make plans for the obliteration of your worries. This puts you in charge of the thoughts buzzing around in your mind. You may find it helpful to tackle this action plan through brainstorming with the trusted person in the above tip.

Seek professional help
Sometimes, the above tips won’t help, or your worry begins to manifest itself in unhealthy ways that require you to seek medical help. Please don’t hesitate to do this. If your worry has resulted in negative health effects, seeing a doctor who can help you find a treatment to handle the physical effects may help give you a more optimistic perspective on your worry. And if the worry itself is causing mental anguish, then a counsellor may be helpful, especially if you find you need an objective and unbiased opinion, and a psychiatrist or psychologist may also be able to help you out.

Bottom line: you don’t have to keep your worries buried within, giving them the power to grow and control all aspects of your life. Instead, deal with your worries in a way that ensures that they don’t stick around for long.

worry, worries, anxiety, concerns

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As a two time bridesmaid and one time maid of honour, I feel fully qualified to impart my wisdom on all things wedding related. In all the weddings I have been involved in, I have learned far more about the friends for whom I stood up for and their friends than I ever thought possible. Yes, there is something about weddings that brings out the true characters of people and I’m sad to say that most of the time I wish these sides had never been revealed.

In this series I’d like to cover some tips for three groups of people involved in weddings. It is my hope that you will find something useful whether you are the bride, the bridesmaid or maid of honour, or a guest who happens to be a good friend of the bride.

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It makes sense that we start with the bride, since all eyes will be on her on her special day. I fully understand that being a bride is not easy, and that most brides find themselves inundated with a lot of work on top of their usually already busy schedules. One of the brides whose wedding I was a part of was finishing a master’s degree, applying for teacher’s college and bought a house in the same year; another also bought a house and was working multiple jobs. Needless to say, it is not easy to find time to plan a wedding while juggling other demands and there is also the matter of trying to save money for not only the nuptials but also a down payment on a house.

Some quick tips for brides who don’t want to worry about their bridesmaids or others plotting their demise:

Tell your bridesmaids what they need to know, and in a timely manner
A lot of brides seem to forget that although their bridesmaid may not be planning a wedding, they usually also have busy lives and schedules. This means that continually having to drop everything at the last minute might be an exercise in frustration for the bridesmaid, and will surely lead to feelings of resentment if it happens too often. To avoid this, I urge the bride to give her bridesmaids as much information about each person’s role as possible, and keep the bridesmaids regularly informed of any changes. If the bridesmaid doesn’t have to ask you for updates on things because she knows what’s going on, she will be very happy.

Don’t complain (too much)
Your bridesmaid will be delighted to hear your complaints (honestly: it’s almost a given that you will share your concerns, doubts, and worries with her, and she will attempt to reassure you to the best of her ability). Don’t abuse this by complaining about every aspect of the wedding, or you might make your bridesmaid wonder why you are even getting married if everything is so horrible. It’s understandable that you’ll need to moan about your impossible family members or the parents of your groom, your incompetent wedding planner or the scarcity of decent veils in the entire city, but please don’t turn every conversation about your wedding into a whine fest.

Know what you want
Nothing drives everyone involved with a wedding madder than an indecisive bride. If you don’t have a final decision on what you want, don’t share it with those people whose job it is to make your desires into reality. Someone whose mind is continually changing will drive everybody nuts. Take the time to discuss with the groom (and any other people whose opinion you need) what it is that you want that is not negotiable. Only when you have reached final decisions should you share these decisions with the people involved in making things happen.

Remember that other people have lives too
Weddings have a way of consuming the minds of everyone involved, the bride most of all. Try to remember, dear bride, that your friends and family still have their various concerns, hopes, dreams, to do lists, and accomplishments during this time, and try to keep up to date on what is going on in their lives, even as you’re putting your wedding together. They will appreciate knowing that you still care about them even though you’ve got your wedding to plan.

Don’t forget to acknowledge those who help you
It is customary for the bride to give her bridesmaids in particular a token of her appreciation and this is a tradition that I am quite fond of. Some brides give their bridesmaid a piece of jewelry that can be worn during the wedding; others give a personal gift that is unique to the recipient. While both are fine, I have a decided preference for the latter. As the majority of bridesmaids pay for their own dress, and the dress is usually a style and sheen that cannot be reused (though every bride hopes and declares that it can be), the piece of jewelry usually has the same problem. Instead, why not allow the bridesmaid to decide what jewelry (if any) she wants to wear, and give her tickets to her favourite concert, a gift card for her favourite store, a book she’s especially fond of or a subscription to her favourite magazine instead? And in your speech, don’t forget to thank your bridesmaids and any other people who worked behind the scenes to make your day special too!

If you remember these tips, I promise you that no cries of “bridezilla” will go on behind your back. Or to your face either.

weddings, bride, how to be a good bride, tips for the bride to be, tips for the bride

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I apologize for being a tease. The interview is ready to go but some technical difficulties prevent it from being featured today.

In the meantime, I’d like to talk about the power of the written word, written as in pen on paper. In this internet age, the majority of us receive few, and send even fewer, written missives out. The exception is during holidays, where cards that do get sent out may occasionally include a few words before the signature, which is sad considering how pleasant it is to receive a letter in the mail from a loved one and not from the bank, the government or a company whose services you pay for.

Here are some ways to make letter writing fun for you (because it’s a given that the recipient will enjoy receiving your letter):

Use pretty stationery
I hope I’m not alone when I express my love for beautiful paper. Thick cardstock or heavy paper (greater than 24 lbs) makes writing a joy. Even choosing a colour of paper other than plain white can make all the difference. Paper stores and card stores are great sources of beautiful writing paper. You can also write on the other side of higher quality wrapping paper if you wish, or directly on wrapping paper with a delicate or light-coloured design. You can even make your own stationery fairly easily by stamping or doodling on some nice paper.

Use a fabulous pen
This is even more important than the paper, in my opinion. If you have a pen that flows well, does not smudge and fits the hand well, the chances of your words continuing to flow like the ink it’s being written with are far greater. If possible, test out several types of pens before choosing one. I’m partial to the roller ball pens as they have both ball point and gel ink properties, and I am currently partial to the Uni-ball Jetstream pen:

Get some address labels
Have some nice address labels printed, or print some yourself. I find having a pretty little address label, ready to stick on an envelope not only saves time but also makes you feel more like a letter writing pro. A nice address label can give the recipient of your letter an initial impression of you, or of the content of the letter.

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And there you have it–some simple tips for making writing letter less boring for you. Make sure you put enough stamps on the letter and get ready to make somebody’s day!

If you agonize over writing emails and worry that you’re not saying what you mean to say the moment you click “send”, I urge you to save your emails in draft form until Monday. That’s right: on Monday May 21, I will be sharing an interview with an expert in the area of business etiquette, especially as it relates to emails and online communication.

In the meantime, I’d like you to tell me what email blunders cause you to grit your teeth.

Mine include:

• Being addressed by an incorrectly spelled name by somebody replying to an email I sent where my name is spelled out
• Misleading/unclear subject titles
• Emails riddled with incorrect spelling and grammar
• A constant stream of forwards from someone without any real emails from them to break things up

And don’t get me started on spam!

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We have all done something that was out of line, unexpected and that required an apology from us. An apology is an expression of regret for an occurrence, usually caused by the person apologizing. Apologies also involve an admission of some sort to go along wtih the expression of regret.

I have given good and bad apologies in my life and have received the same. Here are some things to keep in mind when apologizing:

Be genuine
Nothing rankles more than an apology that is not meant, that is thrown out because it was ordered. I hesitate to say “don’t apologize unless you mean it” since that means a lot of people would be waiting for a long time to hear an apology. Instead, if an apology is being “forced” or requested, think about it: if you really do not think you can apologize without the insincereity of your words slapping them in the face, don’t apologize. Save it for when tempers have cooled.

Remove ‘but’ from your apology vocabulary
Do not ever include the word “but” in an apology, especially after the apology: “I’m sorry I called you fat and ugly, but did you have to wear that pink mumu to work today?” is NOT an apology (see the first tip). If you you can’t state what you are apologizing for without implicating the person you’re apologizing to, then you may not ready to apologize. In a lot of cases, an apology with a “but” is just enough fuel to get a fight going again: “Wait, because you don’t like the way I dress you think that gives you a right to call me fat and ugly? Wow, you are really a piece of work. When you came to work last Thursday dressed like a stripper did I say anything? Nope, because I have respect for people unlike you, you…”

Offer to make amends, if possible
In some cases, you may want to ask the person you are apologizing to if there is anything you can do to make things better, or if you know what is required, you can offer to do it. This goes one step further and serves to prove the genuineness of the apology.

Do your part to avoid a repeat of the the circumstance leading to the need for an apology
Once your apology has been said and hopefully accepted, do what you can to ensure that you do not repeat the actions that led to the need for an apology in the first place. If you keep having to apologize for the same thing, no matter how genuine each apology is, it’s going to grow old and you’ll quickly lose credibility as a person of their word.
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What do you do when you want a conflict resolved but don’t want to apologize because you were honestly not at fault? Try apologizing for a part that you feel you were responsible for. For example, if you were fighting with somebody who was wrongly accusing you, and in your fervour to prove yourself right you raised your voice in anger, you can apologize for that. Sometimes your apology will bring reciprocal (yet hopefully genuine!) apologies in return.

What is your apology style?

sorry, apologize, apologise, how to apologize

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We all have pet words that we can’t spell correctly for the life of us. Please find below words that I seen spelled incorrectly by friends and words that I regularly misspell. I challenge you to select the correct spelling of each of the words below (no cheating!). Please leave your answers in the comments:

definitely or definately
calender or calendar
seperate or separate
fuchsia or fuschia
maintainance or maintenance
receive or recieve
jewlery or jewellery or jewelry
restraunt or restaurant
committee or comittee or commitee
diffrent or different

If you find my list pretty wimpy, here is a fantastic list of 100 commonly mispelled misspelled words. Enjoy!

Which words are the bane of your existence?

Answers below:
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The popularity of books such as Lynne Truss’ Eats, Shoots and Leaves convince me that I am not the only person who is strongly thrilled at the thought of ensuring that everything I write is grammatically correct. This includes emails, letters, anything that will be up for public consumption. Since a lasting impression of a website will be based on the site’s content, I encourage you to make sure that none of your valuable written work is marred by the following grammatical errors, where apostrophized words are used instead of their apostrophe-free version:

Its/it’s
It’s is only to be used when you mean it is or it has. Any other time, its is the correct form of the word to use. And its’? Does not exist!

There/their/they’re
There can be a pronoun, noun or adverb (describes a verb) and can be used to introduce a clause. Their is used to express the idea of belonging; it is strictly an adjective. Our abbreviated friend, they’re, should only be used if you are trying to say they are. If not, you should be using one of the previous forms.

Your and you’re
Similar to the above, your denotes belonging and is used as an adjective only; you’re is an abbreviation and used to mean you are.

Apostrophes seem to make people nervous and I notice that apostrophized versions of words are used incorrectly more often , while the correct version sits by the wayside, neglected. Some people simply add an apostrophe to a word that ends in an ’s’ as a sort of insurance that this will cover both the situation where an ’s’ is required and the situation where it is not. Instead, I recommend you learn these rules and read Ms. Truss’ book or the books of other experts on grammar and enjoy the addition of polish to your writing.

What grammatical errors drive you crazy? What grammatical errors can’t you stop making?

I’m elbow and calf deep in papers, clothing, unused small kitchen appliances, purses, shoes and garbage bags.

No, I’m not moving, nor am I preparing for a garage sale. I’m simply cleaning my room.

My packrat tendencies are legendary; I hold on to everything. Although I graduated from university three years ago, I still have nearly every sheet of paper I ever wrote on and all of my textbooks. I tried earlier in the month to sell them back to the university for a fraction of their original value (and they were in mint condition too!) but nobody wanted them. I am now torn between keeping them for interest’s sake or donating them. In the meantime, before I go with option 2 (since decluttering is the ultimate goal), I will see if I have better luck selling the textbooks in the fall.

After hours of cleaning, this is what my closet currently looks like (do not judge me quite yet; the rest of the room is much worse):

There is much left to do.

Your Turn: What room/area of your home is most resistant to staying clean and/or organized?

Yesterday, I focused on tips that all good guests (or guests to be) should keep in mind before they even enter the home of their host(ess). Once you’ve been welcomed and provided with a place to stay and treated like family, be sure to know your boundaries and stay well within them. The following tips should help with the establishment of these boundaries.

Don’t snoop
As tempting as it might be to explore the home of your host(ess) when you are alone in the home, resist. Not only is it an invasion of privacy, it also rude. If they wanted you to see certain things, they would have been left in plain sight for your viewing pleasure. Stay in common areas of the house and avoid the bedrooms or offices of your host(ess) unless you have their permission (and “make yourself at home” rarely means “paw through my jewelry”!). And stealing is a big no-no too.

Don’t get involved in family squabbles or family politics
If you are staying with a family, you will likely hear raised voices or angry words spoken. When individuals are fighting in your presence, make your presence known in a subtle way, if possible. If not, you can leave the room under the guise of giving them privacy (should they ask you later); both tactics give them a visual reminder that there is someone in their midst who they may want to stop behaving badly in front of. Whether you stay or go, do not:

• take sides in any arguments, even if asked
• act as a witness if an incident is being recalled
• act as the peacemaker (unless you are certain that you are wanted in this capacity by both parties).

Don’t impose your own rules
This is especially important when children are involved. You and your host(ess) will have different parenting styles; this is a guarantee. There may be a lot of overlap in your parenting styles, there may not be any. You must allow your host(ess) to discipline his or her children in his or her way, and hopefully the same right will be extended to you (obvious exceptions to this “live and let live” philosophy are situations of abuse). Complications can occur when one parent allows his or her child to do something while the children of the other person, host(ess) or houseguest does not allow their children to do the same thing. A good guest should defer to the host(ess) and the house rules in these matters, explaining to his or her child why she cannot do something that she is used to doing in her own home. This allows you to teach the child an important lesson that people are different, and how it is sometimes necessary to follow rules that are set out by somebody else.

One thing that both the guest and host(ess) should try to avoid doing is disciplining the other person’s children. This rarely ends well, and usually leads to a fight among the parents!

After all those don’ts, there is one very important do:

Do offer to help with chores and other activities
Although your host(ess) may turn down your request to help clean the kitchen, vacuum, or help with dinner preparations, don’t forget to offer your help. Even if you are not taken up on your offer, the offer is still appreciated. Offer help in a way that expresses a genuine willingness to do the work, and don’t be a part of the problem by creating messes everywhere you go!

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And that wraps up this week’s quartet of entries on being a good host(ess) and/or houseguest. If you have any tips to add or have any questions, please feel free to make them known in the comments section of any of these four entries:

Tips for being a good host(ess)
Part I
Part II

Tips for being a good house guest
Before you walk in the door
Once you’re in the family

guest, guests, houseguests, entertaining, visitors, summer guests, host, hostess, home

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