Life Tips Daily

Good day and indeed the day is more than half over. I like to get an entry out earlier in the day so I can hear what you have to say but I was the victim of an ornery laptop so I am in the library of an educational institution pounding out a few thoughts before returning to my conference.

That’s right, I am out of town, and have found myself unexpectedly unprepared to deal with the loss of my laptop (and internet connection by default), so naturally, I’d like to talk today about being prepared.

While it is not possible to be always prepared for whatever life may throw us, I’d like to make the following suggestions on how to make sure that you are prepared for the unexpected somewhat, using my particular case as an example.

Research what you are going to be faced with
Even if you think you are well aware of what you will face, research it because even though you are familiar with the concept or idea in your particular location, perhaps it is different where you are going. Had I taken the time to research the weather in my locale, I may have packed different clothing: instead of my closed toe shoes and pants, I might have brought capri pants and sandals, and allowed my feet to enjoy a little sunshine. This is a very innocuous example of the benefits of researching your new surroundings, but other examples might include researching a different culture that you will be entering to ensure that your speech, manners, dressing will not be offensive to the inhabitants of where you are going. If you are going on a work trip, you may also want to make sure you are familiar with what will be discussed/covered during the trip, and who the key players are.

If you need any supplies/equipment, be sure to obtain these items well in advance
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Here are five keys to career happiness, as expressed by John Izzo:

*Follow your heart

*Risk more

*Choose the right balance

*Focus on the difference

*It’s never too late

I’m off to read the whole article here!

In the last entry, I suggested that if you decide to end a friendship, it is possible to do so without turning a former friend into an enemy. This assertion comes with two caveats:

â–  the friendship isn’t being ended over a major issue that is considered unforgiveable by one or both parties, such as a difference in morals or core beliefs, an unforgiveable insult or an abusive (physically or mentally/emotionally) relationship

â–  you could let the friendship drift away eventually, over years, but have decided that you’d like to be more proactive.

In the latter case, it might seem cruel to make a point of ending the friendship outright, but consider this: if your friendships are well defined, this actually makes it easier for both parties. You won’t be guilty of expecting too much or too little from somebody, nor they from you. You can spend your energy nurturing the friendships that deserve the title, and spend minimial time on relationships that are really more acquaintances than anything.

It sounds a bit cold, I’ll admit, but I’m firmly in favour of knowing where you stand in someone’s eyes, and I have a personal example to explain why:

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Friendships are formed and end. Sometimes the cause of the rift is huge, a defining moment that the former friends will remember for the rest of their lives, sometimes the dissolution of the friendship happens gradually, a drifting apart millimetre by millimetre, until words are not even needed to signal that the friendship is over. It is obvious.

There is a middle category, where a particular event (nothing earth-shattering, mind you) might occur, which triggers remembrance of past similar events, and finally someone decides that they do not wish to be in the relationship any longer. When the events that trigger the end of the friendship are due to a difference of opinion rather than a difference in fundamental beliefs or ethics, you may want to still hear/see/talk the person again, but as acquaintances rather than good friends. It is never easy to end a friendship, especially when the friend falls into the middle category of somebody you respect or like, but sometimes these friendships are no longer beneficial to either party. You could let the friendship drift to its eventual demise naturally, or you could be proactive and tell your friend directly. Sometimes this proactive measure could even strengthen the friendship. In the next entry, I will cover some ways to communicate the end of a friendship that is serving neither party to a friend in a way that may allow you to remain acquaintances with the person.

When you have had to end friendships, how do they usually end?

friend, fight, friendship, end a friendship, ending a friendship, enemy, relationships

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It may seem strange to wonder how to fight, and whether or not there is a way to fight fair, but if you have ever had a fight with somebody where you found yourself acting in a way that you would say is uncharacteristic for you, or in a way that left you feeling disappointed or apalled by your own behaviour in addition to that of your antagonist, then you may find these fair fighting tactics handy:

State your point
If you have a disagreement with somebody, tell them what is causing you grief. Do not refer to past events, no matter how related they may be. Stay on topic and make it easy for the person you are in conflict with to see what you are angry about or why you are angry.

Tone is everything
No matter how close to bawling or tearing the arm off of somebody you are, be aware of the tone of voice that you are using. If you launch into your discussion in a tone that is angry, sarcastic, extremely elevated or patronizing, you are guaranteeing that your audience will tune out what you have to say, and dismiss it on account of the negative tone of voice that was used to relay the information. Instead, state evenly and calmly what you are displeased about and hopefully they will follow suit.

Take turns talking
When you’re angry, it is easy to be so focused on getting out what you want to say, that you forget that you are not in the middle of a monologue. Taking the time to hear any responses to your points might end the fight much sooner, especially in cases where the reason for the fight turns out to be due to a misunderstanding.

Stay on topic
It is very easy to go from a fight about a particular thing to a discussion of the history of the combatants’ friendship, including any transgressions along the way. It’s also not uncommon for two people with a shared history to go back and use this knowledge against their opponent. By veering off topic into a sensitive or hurtful area, you guaranteeing you will be tuned out, or become increasingly angry over the situation. Don’t participate in any mudslinging.

—
Despite following these tips perfectly, sometimes you discover that you are dealing with someone who is unreasonable or irrational, and there is not a lot that you can do in that situation except hope that one day in the future, when they can no longer recell your name, they will remember how you taught them to fight fair.

What are your fair fighting tactics?

fight, fighting fair, relationships, conflict

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Iin addition to shrinking the size of its paper, the Globe and Mail launched a new section of its newspaper yesterday, Globe Life. This new section will provide readers with news on all aspects of life including health, family, relationships, food and wine, and the home–a range of topics that will be covered by a number of experts and professionals. I’m looking forward to reading this section, which, unlike some of the newspaper’s other sections, will be published every weekday.

If you don’t get this paper locally, feel free to check on the Life section online

Edited to add: When inspired, I’ll include a story from the paper that touched me or gave me food for thought (or both). Today’s is ‘I’ve had it with your weight’, Cameron French’s essay about how his former best friend’s obesity led to the end of their relationship. What do you think of French’s tough love approach?

Spring is here and although you might be able to avoid having a big spring cleaning party, your home sure would appreciate it. There are many important areas to spring clean; here are a few that come to mind:

Closets
Check all the closets that hold outer wear, including boots, hats, mittens, and jackets, looking for dirt, holes, broken zippers, missing buttons or significant wear. If the item can be easily returned to its original state by washing it or repairing a button or zipper, do it. If the item is irreparable, toss it. If the item is in good condition, but will not fit, or may not be the desired style or colour for the following year, there is no reason to keep it: consider donating it to a charity or shelter. Make sure all the items that will be kept are stored neatly, in containers that will keep the humidity and moths out. Label all containers clearly. It is probably easier to store all out of season clothing together for the whole family.

By taking the time to clean and ensure that outerwear and winter footwear are in good condition now, you will be prepared for any freak snowstorms that occur.

Windows
How many people wash their window curtains regularly, or dust their window blinds? I sure don’t! Add to that the fact that at my place, mildew builds up quickly and easily in the winter months, and it especially enjoys hanging out around window frames. Tackle the windows by taking down the curtains or blinds, washing or dusting them, then reinstalling them…but not before using some elbow grease to get rid of the mildew (bleach diluted with water and a brush will have your windows clean again) and you get a bonus arm workout too.

Pantry and Fridge
If you take the time to go through both of these storage areas regularly, then you are to be envied. For the rest of us, exploring the contents of the fridge or pantry can be less than pleasant. The fridge, with its tendency to hold perishables, can yield the most interesting growths products. Most people are good at discarding vegetables and fruit that have begun to exhibit furring or a mushy/watery consistency, but how often do you check the due date on that jar of pickled beets, or salad dressing or mustard? Who checks the due dates on dry cereal or cookies regularly (I don’t have to check the dates on the latter since they never last long enough!)? While you’re waiting for the bleach to burn away the mildew, take a trip to the fridge or pantry and toss anything that is being kept beyond its due date. Be sure to make a list of what you are tossing as you toss them; this way you’ll know exactly what you need to replace.

I have heard that you can keep (and eat!) something beyond its due date if it hasn’t been opened. I’m wary of this and tend to imagine that on the due date, items in these expired containers begin their metamorphosis, from a delicious cup of yogurt to a case of gastroenteritis, just waiting to happen.

What spring cleaning activites do you do each year?

In light of the events of this past Monday in Blacksburg, Virginia, I would like to encourage you to give generously to any funds that have been created to support the families of the victims, if you are able. As you probably noticed, 451 Press is supporting the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund.

I’d also like you to use today to focus on all the people that you take for granted, that you assume will be there day in and day out and don’t take the time to honour and recognize. The people who make your life run that much smoother, who bring laughter to your life, emotional or financial support, a listening ear, and unconditional love. Be grateful that you are surrounded by such people. And don’t let this feeling of gratefulness and appreciation end today. Think about these people often, reach out to them and give them back some of what they have given you. And very importantly: reach out to someone who needs it and be that person who they can be grateful for.

I pray that you have someone that you can think of and be grateful for.

Who in your life are you grateful for?

Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund

April 16, 2007, will be remembered as one of the darkest days in the history of the Virginia Tech community and the world beyond.

To remember and honor the victims of those tragic events, the university has established the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund to aid in the healing process and generate financial support.

The fund will be used to cover expenses including but not limited to:

• Grief counseling
• Memorials
• Communication expenses
• Comfort expenses
• Incidental needs

If you plan to give, please click the link below:

Many magazines (especially those geared towards women) encourage women everywhere to indulge themselves and splurge, on services such as manicures, pedicures, spa treatments, including facials, body wraps and massages, on a dinner (or night) out with girlfriends or a spouse, on a fabulous pair of shoes.

It’s hard to deny that pampering or treating yourself does wonders for you: you’re recognizing that you’re worthy and deserving of something nice, something pretty, something extra, something that you don’t need. It’s that latter point that makes indulgences so great: you don’t need to need it. You want it and that is enough.

I’ve noticed that younger people today tend to live a life focused on indulging oneself, and if you look at the generation ahead of you and behind you, you will likely find that you are more self-indulgent than the generation before, you, and less self-indulgent than the generation behind you. My own family is a perfect example of this.

My parents
After moving from Nigeria to the USA, popping out two delightful daughters of which I am one, my parents moved back to Nigeria and from there immigrated to Canada 20 years ago (and popped out two less delightful sons). Fairly typical immigrants, my parents are hardworking individuals and the word “want� does not register in their vocabulary very often, when considering reasons to make a purchase. You purchase things first and foremost because you need them: warm clothing in the winter, gas for your car, food for your belly. Vacations are a lovely idea but forget cruises or weeks spent lying on beaches: vacations can and should have some educational component, and are often to locations close to home, and do not usually happen every year, like clockwork.

The only acceptable types of debt are a mortgage and car payments, and my parents have perfected the art of stretching a dollar as far as possible (they could write the money saving tips section of this site). My mom packs her lunch and goes months without buying her lunch; my dad has similar habits. They are a frugal pair, and they’ve converted my sister to the dark side.

Me
I guess growing up with parents like mine, I could either replicate them or settle into some happy middle ground (it really wasn’t an option to be completely frivolous with money because as the next generation, I’m just old enough that I remember the tough times when money wasn’t plentiful and toys had to be chosen on the basis of educational value and durability rather than how cool it was). Far from making me bitter or resentful towards my parents, it made me appreciate their hard work and sacrifice for their kids, and even today, although I still wish I had gotten that Keypers Toy, I think the Whiz kid impacted my educational choices and future decisions far more than the other toy would have.

So, like my parents, I abhor debt, I live within my means but I am by no means a hoarder of money: I buy lunches out nearly every day, I (used to) buy new clothing every two weeks (just one piece or two, justified by my fabulous clothing discount, courtesy of my part time job), if I want something and it’s less than a certain amount, I’ll buy it with minimal thought. I buy things simply because they are on sale. But this is alright because I’m not in debt (or so my rationale goes). Any potential expenditures over a certain amount involve (too) much hand wringing and deliberation on my part, and I find it difficult to spend large sums of money so I don’t unless it’s absolutely necessary (a computer and digital camera qualify as necessities in my life, hopefully a car and house will in the coming years too).

My brothers
These men are truly the next generation: all that is required before making a purchase is the desire. “If you want it, get it� is their mantra and they live by this. One has a credit card and enjoys spending his money on $30 wallets, $60 ties, $70 dress shirts, a $300 ipod. He is a full time student with a part time job and carrying a credit card balance does not faze him one bit. His older brother is similar: an empty bank account doesn’t bother him, and money is meant to be spent. In its entirety. Despite living at home and having access to the kitchen, both prefer to order dinners out several nights a week, in addition to eating most every other meal out. Neither of my brothers would recognize a savings account if it slapped them on the face for being so frivolous.

To them, life is meant to be enjoyed and cannot be enjoyed unless it’s a life of indulgence. No wish or whim should go untried (or “unbuyed�).

*
There is a happy medium, as we strive to live lives that are enjoyable and satisfying. A life without the occasional “just because� purchase just won’t do, so I encourage you to be like me, except without the “buying things simply because they’re on sale� part, only because it’ll leave you more money to spend on your next satisfying splurge!

indulge, splurge, indulgences, spoil yourself, money, saving, spending

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In Canada, the deadline to file taxes is the end of April, and I understand that some Americans have been given a four day extension (due to the storm that resulted in power outages in some areas), leaving one more day to get their taxes in.

Every year I tell myself that I’ll file my taxes faster than the year before and every year I don’t. Usually this isn’t a big deal, since I have always received a refund. Less than two months ago, I filed my taxes for 2005 and discovered that I owed the government money (a ghastly amount, with four numbers before the decimal point!): not only did I have to pay what I owed, but there had been an accrual of interest! I vowed not to let this happen again, to file 2006’s taxes well before the end of the month, yet here I am again, tax forms scattered about my house and I’m only starting to contact the one past employer for a missing T4 (W2 for you Americans).

In a surprising result, I found out I had miscalculated and received over half of the amount I had paid for 2005’s taxes back! While this was a lovely result, clearly, I am not the person to give you tips on filing taxes accurately or on time.

I did, however come across the following resources that you may find useful:

Canadians
The Canada Revenue Agency’s website is a good first stop in the search for information. You can find the required forms in electronic form and print them off, and this site has answered most of my questions so far.

Canadian Living has a list of 20 tax tips for Canadians (Tip 9: Claim all of your child care).

H&R Block’s site not only encourages you to leave the filing of taxes in their capable hands, but it also provides tips for filing as a student and as a couple that is getting married or in a common law relationship. The site also has a countdown, including minutes and seconds, until your taxes are due!

Americans
The Internal Revenue Service website provides all the information that you need to file your taxes, and it’s neatly broken down by who the taxes are being filed for, right at the top.

Tax Girl is a great resource and the Tax Girl herself writes in a very easy to understand manner. You can even send in questions to her personally (although you may be too late to get your questions answered for this tax period!).

And not to be outdone, H&R Block’s American site has an easy to find tax tips section that I’m sure you’ll find useful!

Have you come across any other tax tips or resources?

tax, taxes, filing taxes, money

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(sam brown, explodingdog)

You didn’t study hard enough and as a result, you failed a test, you don’t end up doing what you dreamed you’d do career-wise, you failed to stand up for what you personally believe in at a critical moment, you put those 25 pounds it took you a year to lose back on in four months, you yelled at the kids for no reason except your own personal frustration with some aspect of your life, you made a financially unsound/uninformed decision and lost your savings as a result. When things like this happen, you’re left feeling disappointed in yourself and this can be very difficult to deal with. You’ve let yourself down and there is nobody to blame but you.

The Pollyanna in all of us (or if we’re lucky enough to call Pollyanna friend) would say “Don’t let it get you down! Pick yourself up and keep on moving! The sun will come out tomorrow” and other positive sentiments but it’s not always that easy. Some of these self disappointments are easier to get over than others, due to the relatively small impact they have on your present or future, but how do you deal with more life-altering events that will have a more permanent place in your history?

Accept it
Yes, it happened, no it can’t be changed or erased. And that’s it. On to the next step.

Analyze it (constructively)
It can be hard to rehash past events but do so clinically, as if you’re looking on the situation as a bystander and take advantage of hindsight. Are there any obvious mistakes that you made that can be avoided for next time? Did you underestimate/not plan for something that you should have? Or was this result somewhat unavoidable or inevitable? This won’t be a comfortable process but if done right, it can lead to greater insight about yourself, and with this knowledge you can ensure that future goals or plans are executed the way you want them to be.

Learn from it
Apparently you’re doomed to repeat past mistakes if you don’t take the time to determine why or how it can be avoided in the future, so I suggest you do this. This is the main goal when you end up in a situation that you didn’t expect or plan for, that result in consequences that you must deal with: learn from it. There is no point dwelling on what brought you to this point since it has happened and cannot be changed (and you already dwelt on it-constructively-in the previous step!). Instead, look the consequence(s) in the face and invoke your inner Pollyanna: see how you can find the good in it. Sure, it’s not what you intended or expected, hoped or dreamed of but you’re still alive and it’s what is. Use it as your new starting point to get to your next goal, or to get back to the original goal.

*
By looking at your disappointment and taking the steps to change it for the better or avoid making the same mistake, you will positively impact your life and be an inspiration to others who go through the same. And hopefully you’ll look back on your past disappointment and see it didn’t ruin your life afterall.

life, life tips, dealing with disappointment, disappointment, let down, self

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Despite all the gadgets we have in our lives to save time and improve our life, people are becoming increasingly busy and stressed (perhaps as they struggle to pay for all these life improving gadgets!) and a study claims that as modern gadgets, particularly in the workplace, increase, so does the stress level of the employees.

If you start a job and are given a company laptop and mobile phone, you may think that your employer is being rather generous or even spoiling you. While this might sometimes be the case, friends of mine who have these toys claim that it reveals, in their opinion, a desire on the part of their employer that they be available at all times to their employer. If you don’t get your work done at work (due to its volume, rather than laziness), and you have a laptop, how much more likely are you to feel that you can finish the work at home? Some rationalized that at least they can work from home instead of staying late at the office, but this reasoning doesn’t sit too well with me: work should be done at work and when you are home you should be able to focus on what you want to focus on (which hopefully is not work).

Similiarly, with a mobile phone, even if you leave work on time and leave the laptop behind, you can still be reached by phone should an emergency arise. An acquaintance who has a cell phone admitted to feeling guilty if the phone is turned off and not on his person for the whole weekend.

It’s difficult, especially if you are in a work environment where promotions are based not only on producing excellent work but also on working overtime, not to join those who pride themselves on their ability to work at all hours of the day, but I encourage you to take a look at these tips and work on being efficient with the time you have rather than chaining yourself to the desk more than your requisite 8 or 9 hours a day (I do understand that on occasion, longer hours may be unavoidable). Go to work, work hard and when the day is done, leave what is left for the next day. By working efficiently, you will eventually catch up and carry over less work.

Or, if cutting down on stress by leaving your gadgets at work is unavoidable, you can always buy the stress eraser–yes, another gadget–and use it to give you the calm you crave.

stress, work stress, time management time saving, work, office

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Here are some time management tips that I heard on the radio, courtesy of John Tesh’s site and from Julie Morgenstern’s book, Never Check E-mail in the Morning:

Cut your workday by 30 minutes
Although this sounds like it would just make you have less time to accomplish that which needs doing, apparently you’ll be more efficient because you’ll know you have less time in which to do things. I guess it would force you to prioritize and determine which items really need to be done and which ones can be put off until a later date. My only question is: who is going to sell this idea to my boss?

Don’t multitask
This tip is music to my ears: I am terrible at multitasking (I can’t even eat or drink and walk at the same time) and it’s great to hear that studies have shown that it takes four times longer to do a task if you’re doing it in conjunction with other tasks. And think of all the errors that can happen when you’re doing a few different things at once! I keep thinking I’ll make a terrible mistake at work due to my attempts to multitask; the fact that we deal with confidential information makes it that much more frightening. Of course in an office setting, where people come to you with requests that they always seem to need “as soon as possible”, it might be hard to avoid having a couple of things going at once. But you can jot down a few things and then go back to the original task and finish it off in its entirety instead of jumping from task to task. That way you’re not losing any brilliant ideas that come to mind and you’re (relatively) focused on one task.

Don’t look at email first thing in the morning
I’ve heard different variations of this tip before. You’re (presumably) your most fresh and energetic in the morning so it makes sense that you spend those precious hours on work that requires you to be fresh and alert. Responding to inane email requests is therefore not the best use of alert self.

I’ve also heard that you should check email only once or twice a day (once in the morning and again in the evening). This is a wonderful time saver; I’ve tried it. The only time it gets tricky is when a coworker sends you an email and then comes to your office shortly thereafter to make sure you got their email! This can end up using more of your time as you’re now forced to read the email in the coworker’s presence and respond right away. But once coworkers know when you’ll be checking emails, they’ll know when to send you an email that requires your immediate attention.

Another related tip I’ve heard is to try to touch something only once. For example, if you pick up a file, do all that needs to be done to the file before putting it away. This means you might have to spend more time with the file than you planned but at least when you put it away you know you’ll be done with it for a while. This is a more efficient way of handling large numbers of files, and it also helps with minimizing the chances of mixing things up when multitasking. This is another tips that definitely works!

What time saving tips that you swear by?

time, time management time saving, work, office

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Over the years, I have bought a lot of scrapbooking paper. Most sheets are patterned but while looking for a sheet of paper yesterday, I came across one with some life quuotes on it.

There are the shorter ones (Live Life, Live your dream, Life is an adventure, Celebrate life) but here are the ones that got me thinking:

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
-Albert Einstein

This is great to remember when frustration over the inability to get something right the first time is about to kick in. Instead of looking at mistakes as signs of failure or unworthiness, see it as the path you must travel to achieving success.

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.
-Grandma Moses

I have no idea who Grandma Moses is (now I do), but she’s a smart lady! Sometimes you have days where all you want to do is wallow in the absolute misery of life, and everything just seems to be going wrong and therefore perpetuating this idea that everything in your life is awful. Or, perhaps you’re somebody who has gone through plenty of rough times, but refuse to let it pin you down helplessly, and you spend your time finding the good in it, and remaining upbeat and positive about the whole thing. Both situations illustrate Grandma Moses’ words accurately: you are responsible for how you see your life: change your way of thinking and you may change your life.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

This is a tough quote for me to follow, yet as I grow older, it becomes more applicable to my life. I like to play things safe, to follow the beaten path. If I deviate from the path, I always do so safely (heck, I was extolling the virtues of using the examples of others before trying your own thing just yesterday!). Have you made your own path in life? How did it feel? Did it enrich your life?

One of my favourite life quotes is on a magnetic board by my desk and it is by Thoreau:

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Life the life you’ve imagined.

I believe that you have to see your dream (in your head) before you can (will) see it in reality. By visualizing the goal regularly, you ensure that the goal is foremost in your mind, and you’re constantly striving toward its achievement. You can think of the goal as the finish line for a race, and visualizing is seeing yourself cross that finish line before you actually do. This is something that I have to try with one of my largest goals: weight loss.

What life quotes do you live by?

life, goals, inspiration, dream, live

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